Coming Soon to EADJ: Unwanted Shitty Taglines For Yet Another Shitty Shark Movie

Although "Gonna need a bigger board" is sufficiently shitty already. Stay tuned.

UAG

Some New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

The Documentaries Channel streaming service has announced some new documentaries this week to watch along with the regular documentaries they're already showing. You can start watching any of these now:

• Not Blythe: The Story of a Woman Who Looks Remarkably Like Actress Blythe Danner But Isn't Her

• HAM: The Meat of an Empire & The Empire of Meat

• Background: The Extras In Movies You Love Ditch On How Miserable Shooting Actually Was

• Shuriken: Their History, How They're Made, and How To Remove One From Your Sternum

• Gas Leak! Silent But Deadly (Not About Farts, This Is Serious, Guys)

• Stuff You: How The Beanie Babies Industry Cheats Its Collectors

• Shit On A Stick: America's Love Affair With State Fairs

• Putting Baby In A Corner: A Dirty Dancing Alternate Timeline Explored

• "You Fucking Pussy": A Tribute To Older Brothers

New From Mattel

A Ken Doll that when you ask if he has any weed, calls the police on you.

The ProofrEADJer: Late April Edition

EADJ Reaches A Milestone Today

Well, shit. Here are the tags we were going to use in the near future, which we can't now:

Gelatinous cube

Gesticulations

Marty Stuart

Let’s Active

Joists

Buju Banton

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month due to demand:

• Robot Debt Battles

• "Here To Make Friends"- the only reality show where contestants are there to make friends

• Star Wars: The Mynock Stories

• Fred from The B-52's Reads From The Dictionary

• Scud Missile Romance

And here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their streaming service this month:

• Paul Blart 2: Homeland Security

• Meth History

• A Doomed Couple Fixes Up Other People's Houses

• Game Show: Fake Being Interested for Cash

• Shoot

• Badly Animated Cartoon With Too Many Pop Culture References

UAG

Someone Call Courteney Cox's Lawyer

Someone at the game company Wooga liked "Friends", I guess. Or maybe they're targeting middle aged folks who miss the 90s?

The Difference Between a Hot Dog and a Hot Sausage

Spotted on a NYC hot dog cart, pre-pandemic:

A hot dog will pick you up at the airport.

A hot sausage will send an Uber driven by former supermodel Kathy Ireland.

A hot dog will lend you his phone so you can make a call.

A hot sausage already has the number of whoever you want to call in their phone. They're popular, see.

A hot dog will come over for some poker and some whiskey.

A hot sausage will rent out a Hooters and teach each of the servers Texas Hold 'Em so you can all play.

A hot dog will listen to your medical woes and provide sympathy.

A hot sausage will give you the number of his chiropractor, who happens to be former supermodel Kathy Ireland.

A hot dog will be named Robert.

A hot sausage will be named Rob, Roberto, or Bert, but never Robbie.

Six Lies Told By The Harbor House "How To Eat Crabs" Brochure

1) "Turn the crab over, belly down and facing away from you." This step isn't necessary unless it gets you off from the power.

2) "Some people enjoy the taste of the 'mustard' and some will pick it away." The "mustard" is some of the best part, dammit! Of course it does look like someone blew their nose inside a crab.

3) The only time crabs has ever brought up on Fox & Friends is when the president described his sexual exploits during the Vietnam War.

4) "Jumbo Lump" is also known as a "FUPA"

5) Making a scared  cartoon crab out of the garnish isn't necessary.

6) The iLoveCrabs Cookbook brings back all your favorite minor celebrities like Hal Sparks and Chuck Nice to riff on crustaceans and to make unfunny seafood pop culture references.

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EADJ and SE Johnson Wax are happy to announce the 6 Lies Told Disinfectant Cleaner. With over 80 strong but natural ingredients, this cleaner disinfects 103% of bacteria and viruses in existence. Available behind the counter at your local Dollar General. Must be over 18 to purchase.

EADJ Mini-Fashion Roundup

Chewbacca's Coke Zero burps stink up the Falcon.

Spiral into my crotch!

I hope her interview for greeter at a hookah bar goes well.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract updates, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week: 

• Cook, You

• Bike Cops Solving Dumb Murders

• The Real Housewives of "The Real Housewives" Series Producers

• Sean Spicer's Hollywood Squares Desperados

• Sanford & Son: the White, All-Female Reboot

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Game Show: Open This Capri-Sun

• Pimp My Gastrointestinal Tract

• Period Piece Drama With A Camaro In The Background

• Antonio Banderas Pronounces Different Types of Vegetable Names

• Golden Girls: The Black, All-Male Reboot

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Spoiler alert: the last panel is an oil rig.

Bruce Willis Still Can't Believe He's In Movies

"What? We're finishing this trilogy now? Okay, I guess."

"If you told me 10 years ago I'd be in a movie with THE Cole Hauser, I wouldn't believe you."

"Okay, I put the hat on. You happy? Where's my paycheck?"

"Mark-Paul Gosselaar? Okay, sharing billing with Zack Morris from 'Saved By The Bell' is all you need to know about my film career now."

"Do you want me to look intense over here, or..."

"... over here? I can do both. Heck, use one each for a different movie– I don't give a shit."

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs How He's Holding Up

"Th... thanks for asking... *guh* I'm good... (gasp) can't complai..." *neck snaps*

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract updates, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Gusta Wind

• MMA News delivered by an old lady reading a copy of PARADE magazine

• The Deadliest Crotch

• Heroic DMV Bloopers

• Live Webcam of Gerbils Fucking

Thanks to new contracts, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Dust That Ass (home renovation show with a feral donkey)

• Suge Knight's Craft Corner

• Now That's What I Call A Cry For Attention

• America's Got Coronavirus

• Star Trek: Writer's Room

• Impractical Chokers

• Pharmaceutical Commercials' Best Farmers Markets

Another Incomplete List of Things That Are Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Previous Ariana Grande segments here.

You've probably noticed by now that Ariana Grande is cute. That's because everything Ariana Grande says, sings, does or bats her eyelashes at are to let you know that she is cute. But here we at EADJ would like to suggest that there a few things that are actually cuter than Ms. Grande.

• Ponies with ponytails

• Orphanage gas leaks

• The way old men stammer when outwitted

• Terrible balloon animals

• Jello shots that don't make it into your mouth

• Snails wearing bibs

• Yoda holding Baby Yoda

• Dynasty reruns on mute

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: April Edition

Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye & hello! Goodbye! Goodbye! Good bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Hello! Goodbye! Goodbye!