More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Okay, I bought a thousand copies of 'Brewster's Millions'. How much was that?"

"I'm back, Dad! Wait, you didn't even notice I was gone?! 🙁"

"Wait, where's my horse? THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS!"

"Me, Jane. You, white man in jungle trying to co-opt primate culture for likes."

"F"

"You want to hire the Iceman? Yeah, I'll ice anybody you need me to ice, for the right price. You're not a cop, are you? Because icing somebody means killing, which is illegal."

"Barney, I think we're about to have a pointless, wacky foot chase around the castle and end up in exactly the same spot!"

"This pillow you got from D.C. is so delightfully soft! The feathers are so bouncy! What was the secret, you say?"

"I know what you're gonna say. I get it all the time. But yeah, I am not him. I admit, my name is similar. So don't even make a joke about it and start talking funny."

"Привет!"

Coming Soon to EADJ: Unwanted Shitty Taglines For Yet Another Shitty Shark Movie

Although "Gonna need a bigger board" is sufficiently shitty already. Stay tuned.

Four Sets Of Words That Could Easily Be Somebody's Name

What The "Plus" Means In Many Instances

Ultra Plus

"Plus" = anything that regular Ultra doesn't offer, which is pretty ridiculous since "Ultra" should mean you get a lot already. Which means plain Ultra is just a fucking ripoff.

Ensure Plus

"Plus" = pink diarrhea!

Boost Plus

"Plus" =  also pink diarrhea!

Fiber Plus

"Plus" = a yard-long turd

Backup Plus

"Plus" = why are all these about poop?

Officejet Pro 8600 Plus

"Plus" = four color cartridges that run out of ink after printing one resume.

Discount Food Store Plus

"Plus" = an impressive entire aisle devoted to do-rags.

K&S Curtains Plus

"Plus" = The drapes. Which should match the curtains. Wink wink.

Frontline Plus for dogs

"Plus" = an irrational fear that you're going to drive them to "the farm."

Star Alliance Business Class Elite Plus

"Plus" = You get to board 3 minutes before the other schlubs.

Das Gesunde Plus

"Plus" = "scabies," but in German.

Skim Plus

"Plus" = fat. Which means Skim Plus is just regular milk.

Playmobil Special Plus

"Plus" =  The lingering uncertainty that your child might be choking on a plastic flamingo.

Cal Stat Plus

"Plus" = Raccoon rabies. Which is different from scabies in that it doesn't affect your skin as much as it makes you go completely batshit insane and rummage through your neighbors' trash cans looking for a fish bone.

WeTransfer Plus

"Plus" = $5 to keep us from sharing your personal information to a marketing group in Saudi Arabia.

No Title Necessary

You know, sometimes I'm ashamed of the things that I notice.