Monday, November 23, 2015

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up

I'm 13% certain she was going for the "Star Lord" look, but she achieved it.

The Scottish clan whose tartan pattern this represents put a bounty out on that slacker kid's head.

"I am a fun-loving person. Look at my fucking feet."

A Bill Cosby sweater, in this day and age? Points for balls, I guess.

This suave, debonair Lothario spoke in a deep Russian accent. No change necessary, Romeo!

The atrocity known as the Man Bun must be clipped in the nub.

I really hope she nails that job interview she's on her way to.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Some Surprises From Adele's New Album, "25"

Adele's long-awaited album hits stores today, right when you just got "Rolling In The Deep" out of your head.

Here are a few surprises upon first listen:

• Track 1 "Choices" samples Li'l Wayne clearing his throat and making armpit farts.

• Liner notes credit deceased Cambodian revolutionary Pol Pot for most of the mixing and production.

• Track 3 "Blame Me" is a tribute to Jennifer Lawrence's butler.

• Track 5-8 is just an old Meineke radio commercial on a loop.

• If you play the album backwards, Adele will appear at your house and organize your bills.

• Adele has a hidden track located exactly 18 minutes after the last track of The Flaming Lips' 2013 album "The Terror."

• Most of the album's subject matter reflects Adele's major issues as a 25 year old, like lost love, still getting carded at bars, and not saving your money for retirement.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Vince's Uncle Roberto Explains How To Breed Horses In Minecraft

When you finally get a horse in Minecraft and bring it back to your base, you might be content for a while. However, what if your friend needs one or if yours is hurt? Or maybe you want a horse with better stats. You need to start a horse ranch and breed some more horses. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to do it:

1) Get 2 adult horses or donkeys that have not bred in the last 5 minutes. Pick them based on traits you want the offspring to have. The stats of the two parents will be averaged along with random stats of one imaginary horse. A horse and donkey can breed, resulting in a mule. However the mule will be sterile and unable to breed itself.

2) Get 2 of either: golden apple or golden carrot. Golden apples cost about 900% more gold (72 nuggets compared to 8 nuggets) than golden carrots, so golden carrots are recommended. Which one you use will not affect the offspring. Golden apples or carrots can be crafted by surrounding a carrot with gold nuggets, or an apple with gold ingots, in a workbench.

3) Feed a golden apple or carrot to both horses.

4) Wait for about a minute. Leave them alone.

5) Enjoy your new foal. It will take approximately twenty minutes for the foal to reach adulthood (if the chunk is loaded), but this can be sped up. To make the foal grow faster, feed it hay bales, wheat, sugar, apples, golden apples, and golden carrots. To make the foal instantly grow up, feed it five golden apples (20 golden ingots), or seven hay bales (63 wheat), or 60 wheat, or 64 sugar, or 24 golden carrots (21 and 1/3 golden ingots), or 20 apples. There is an intermediate stage between the foal and the adult, which looks like an adult, but you can't ride the horse yet.

And speaking of bales, I once drove the actor Christian Bale to a charity event in Jersey City. Nice guy, but he hates questions about Batman. Good tipper, though.

Stay safe, kids!