Thursday, October 23, 2014

Boombox Was Surprised He Was Still Around.

Boombox was surprised he was still around.

Roller kept his mouth shut about it.

Pink Balloon wanted to talk about it with someone.

Toilet Paper Dispenser was going apeshit over it.

(Submitted by Andrew) French Toilet was surprised.

But American Toilet wasn't surprised at all.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


Ugly Andrew Gall = one break every week from writing a real entry.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

6 Lies Told By The Ron Kim For New York State Assembly Flyer

1) Ron Kim doesn't actually have a white peach fuzz mustache- that's a crease on the flyer.

2) Governor Andrew Cuomo's entire quote was actually "We need Ron Kim in Albany like we need a snapping turtle in a bidet."

3) Ron Kim has actually never met Betty Crocker.

4) Ron Kim discusses but only pretends to care about procedural cop dramas like "CSI" and "Law and Order" with elderly white people.

5) Ron Kim's administrative assistant Darla doesn't normally use the "suck it" gesture during briefings.

6) Although Ron Kim has secured millions of dollars in funding for our schools and senior centers, he specifically said "To hell with hospitals. Fuck 'em with a rubber dick." (Source: Reuters)


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Monday, October 20, 2014

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Just think. The only thing keeping you from bathing in fresh, bright green lagoon water is Elephant Man and two women with low self esteem.

Never, never hire an amateur electrician.

Some hip hop artists actually don't endorse Pro Activ Solution.

One thing that can ruin a gangsta vibe is if someone in your crew makes farts that sound like a cat meowing.

Lumi sits on her golden throne of sparkling good intentions.

"Hey, I bet you I can get my ass kicked in thirty seconds. Watch!"
"Hey bitches over there, I make more money than you. See all my bling? Smell my nuts!"

No comment. Fuck Chris Brown.

You won't go far at Cold Stone Creamery if you keep losing the sherbet scoop, fellas. Keep looking.

Global warming has been attributed to both the proliferation of greenhouse gases from factories worldwide and from White Dogg's sweaty nutsack.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Outdoor Blanket Instructions: An Internal Dialogue

Here's where we caption some stock photography on a tag that came with an outdoor blanket. Exciting stuff.