Monday, June 4, 2018

Even More Selections From The Sharper Image Catalog

Sharper Image continues to decimate the Amazon Rainforest by mailing out paper catalogs that no one but rich gullible douches order from. Here are some of the things they fell for this month:

Click to enlarge and read:

Friday, June 1, 2018

Cardboard Was Ambivalent.

Cardboard was ambivalent.

Sandwich was more worried.

The high council of elders withheld judgment.

Trash can wasn't hopeful.

Train Platform Pavement made a ruckus.

Fluorescent Swan kept silent.

Pink Sports Bra was outraged.

Weather Map was shiny.

Bathroom Stall Holes didn't know what to say.

Exhaust Tubes also felt shiny.

Trashcan peeked under his bandana and pouted.

Three Chickens clucked.

Light Pole awaited his execution.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

20 Things Cuter Than Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande

If you follow entertainment news even slightly, you've heard of the engagement between SNL's Pete Davidson and pop superstar Ariana Grande. And yes, they sure are an adorable couple, but to put things in perspective, here are 20 things that are still actually cuter than those two:

• travel-size computer mice
• daisies with happy faces on them
• a puppy wearing a diaper with puppies on it
• the smaller Fry Guy from those old McDonald's commercials
• water balloons that weren't filled all the way so they're just the size of a plum
• strip mall post offices
• flip phones now
• any diagram that shows how artesian wells work
• the Sanrio version of Thanos
• paper cups that have a little teacup handle
• babies with huge afros
• any Pac-Man musical interlude
• yogurt raisins
• the tilde
• your heart rate after a nap
• Pyewacket Lane in Waterford, VA
• those Capri-Sun-like wine pouches
• that last part on American Ninja where you have to run up a curved hill
• the fact that you will 100% likely mispronounce the name of any Irish town

Monday, May 28, 2018

Some Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracies For Your Weak Brain

It's the beginning of the week, and yet the Info Wars staff are already working on next week's ultraconservative horseshit for Alex Jones to push out of his reddening basketball head. Here are some of the stories they're working on:

• Democrats invented death.

• Every time you watch a Proactive infomercial, George Soros gets another teenage sex slave delivered to his all-chocolate water slide/sex dungeon.

• The third Sam Raimi "Spider-Man" movie was made terrible on purpose so that audiences would hate anything that came in third. This eventually saved the nation from a third Obama term.

• Those claw machines you see in arcades actually contain miniaturized immigrants hiding inside the stuffed animals, and every time you win one, you've let another terrorist across the border.

• Conservative talk show hosts with basketball heads sitting on fat necks shouldn't wear ties or tight collars– it makes you look like a fucking water tower or lollipop.

• Atheists everywhere are already planning this year's War on Christmas, poisoning Christmas tree farm crops and intercepting all Elf On A Shelf correspondence to Santa. BE VIGILANT, CHRISTIANS!