Friday, January 30, 2015

EADJ Song Hate: "Animals" by Maroon 5



Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.


Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

From a Dumb Commercial

EDITOR'S NOTE: The reason that I'm posting this now is that I no longer work at the ad agency that created this commercial.


"Hello, Enterprise Rent-A-Car? Can you pick me up? I'm at a repair shop. And I know this because there's this gigantic sign saying REPAIR SHOP inside the shop, almost in the mechanic's way. Why do they have such a big, obvious sign?"


"Hello, hysterical woman. Yes, I personally will pick you up. My name's Brad. I've got a waterbed at my apartment."


"So you just came here to fuck me?"
"Good God, that is a huge fucking sign."

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of January 26


Here are this week's batch of weakass hashtags that you're welcome to use in your weakass Twitter feeds:
#antivaxpundits
#chewingtinfoil
#petdandermerkin
#twofingershavebeeninside
#madpussyasinitsangryatme
#Godisontheotherteamsside
#50shadesofgreysausagefest
#cantgetenoughDeflategatejokes
#notenoughAdamLevineontheradio
#andtherapistsgonnaraperaperaperaperape

Monday, January 26, 2015

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness


When Cassidy imagined it in a dream, it seemed pretty awesome. Now on an album cover it all just looks like a dumb screensaver.


Every play the bass so loud in your Lamborghini that it vibrates but you don't? The pigeon is unimpressed.


In "Redemption of the Beast," DMX makes a departure from his usual fare to offer reflective ballads and whispered spoken word about the human condition, climate change, and women's reproductive rights.


Once they took the photo at Picture People, they ordered five wallet sized, five 8x10 and five 4x5 that they can tape up in their cars' windowshades.


Not sure if he was born with this name, but if not, why would he want to be named after the busybody who relentlessly pursued Bill Clinton's impeachment to no effect in the 90s? Odd.


"That does it. I'm giving Pam five more minutes to show up, and then I'm getting lunch by myself."


Please tell me this is an urban re-imagining of "Beauty and the Beast" with talking microphones, sleepy blunts and a rapping mouse.


Nothing is more terrifying than a JC Penney model who starts robbing banks with a tea cozy on her head.


Yawn. So you spent five hours on an Etch-A-Sketch. Big whoop.


If gigantic anti-aircraft bullets didn't kill you when shot, they still might injure you pretty badly falling on your head.


"Oh no, Trixie, somebodymisappropriatedmyimageandaddeddreadlocksandstupidtattoosonmyfaceOOOHHHHH!"

Thursday, January 22, 2015