Monday, February 26, 2018

The Infection Spreads More.

Editor's note: This post is a sequel to a 2009 entry.

Patient Zero of the infection was this lady from December 2008:

Years later, several new cases have been spotted in NY and NJ:

Stock up on water and canned goods. This is fucking terrifying.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracies

If you're an irredeemable far right lunatic, you'll be interested in the tinfoil hat horseshit that Info Wars plans to serve up in the coming week. Here's an exclusive sneak peek into the next AJ rants that you can quickly spread among your gullible, shithead friends:

• The soundtrack score to "Black Panther," when transcribed into sheet music and laid over a map of Washington DC, shows all the secret entry points that black people will use to overthrow the government during the upcoming race war.

• Every hand carwash employs at least one CIA operative who is there to plant a tracking device in your car. The tips you give them fund the entire operation, so don't tip.

• Handicapped ramps secretly contain radioactive waste to slowly give people in wheelchairs superhuman powers which they will use to enslave the able-bodied.

• The Dave Matthews Band's 2009 "Big Whiskey & the GrooGrux King" is the most underrated album in his discography. Go give it another listen!

• People who allegedly "pass gallstones" are actually mules for smuggling cruelty-free diamonds from South Africa into the country, thus destabilizing the entire diamond industry.

• That one member of Boyz II Men who refused to join the reunion tour knows something– I'm sure of it. I bet it has to do with the JFK assassination or Whitewater.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Car Door Was Happy

Car Door was happy.

But Tire Inflater Cord was ecstatic.

Bath Towel gave the crazy eye.

Door Jr. and Door Sr. kept out of it.

Headphones Dog sat in a corner.

And Playground Climbing Wall did its best presidential impression.