Friday, July 13, 2018

Where "Testing The Limits" Falls On The EADJ Crappinuum

Enlarge to read:

As smut goes, "Testing The Limits" was pretty tame fare–no full penetration shots or close ups of balls on anyone's nose. But it was still spicier than most any of the other 30 movies we've reviewed on this fine blog.

Overall, it falls between James Van Der Beek's "Texas Rangers" and John Witherspoon's "Da Station", which doesn't tell you a lot about the relative quality, because really, they're all turds in the ferret cage.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

At Long, Long Last, A New EADJ Crappinema Entry: "Testing The Limits" (NSFW)

Hey remember when we introduced this movie and promised to have a Crappinema entry posted "soon"? Yeah, that was almost THREE YEARS ago. Good Lord.

Well, we finally finished watching and making snarky remarks about this movie. And there is no way that this will be worth the wait, but here goes. And please remember, this is the first time we've reviewed smut, so careful at work with this:

The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene: 

David: Your skin is like the finest white chocolate. So smooth and flawless. Have I ever told you how adorable this little mole is right here?

Kristin: You did.

David: Well, it is. The way you smell, the way you taste… You overwhelm me.


David: Mmm… Iʼm addicted to your breasts. And these tiny blonde hairs that lead all the way down to that perfect patch of pubic hair?

The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene: 

David: Howdy! Iʼm David.

Mike: Hi. Can I help you?

David: Uh, Iʼm looking for Kristen Glass. I told her I might surprise her this weekend. Sheʼs my… weʼll sheʼs an old friend of mine.

Mike: Um, sheʼs not feeling well. Sheʼs upstairs asleep.

David: Oh.

Glen: Hi. Glen Powell.

David: Hey, Glen. David, old friend of Kristenʼs.

Glen: Ah, Kristen, a great girl. You know, Mike, I think Iʼm finally in love.

David: She didnʼt tell me she was seeing anyone.

Glen: You know, you meet someone, and after one night, you just know youʼre made for each other?

David: Yeah. I know that feeling very well. Iʼm sorry to hear sheʼs not feeling well. Tell her I stopped by, will ya?

Mike: Sure. Gʼbye.

David: Listen, Iʼve been driving for about 10 hours. If i get back in that car, Iʼll be out like a light within a mile. Would you mind if I just rest a little before I head back out?

Glen: No, of course not. Thatʼs fine.

David: Hey, I got all the makings for grilled salmon. Why donʼt I make you lunch?

Glen: Wow, salmon sounds great, man. Iʼm starving!

Mike: That…that… that really isnʼt necessary.

David: No! Itʼll go to waste otherwise. I donʼt mind. I really enjoy it.

Glen: You know, I think the girls would like that, too.

Mike: Iʼm going to be in the garage.

Overall grade: F