You don't have to wait until the next broadcast to hear what Alex Jones and his team of writers have for you racist gullible types. Here now is a sneak peek of the outlandish connections and unverified clamshit that they'll try to pass off as news:
• Hidden Valley Ranch is a black-ops CIA operation where they grind Bibles and orphans' bones down into dust for spices and flavor.
• When you masturbate, the Obama-run IRS automatically downloads 30% of your dirty thoughts and posts them as "hentai" on reddit.
• Kirby Puckett was a German spy in cahoots with Suze Orman and the Muppets' Dr. Bunsen Honeydew to undermine American pride by having people spell words like "cheque," "flavour," and "colour" the English way.
• He-Man used to be totally gay for Skeletor, but thanks to conversion therapy, he's totally into She-Ra and hits that every night (high five).
• The big six Hollywood Jewish studios have rejected Alex Jones's screenplay about a heroic radio DJ who's pursued by hairy liberal women and scary black people because they're afraid that it's *JUST TOO GOOD.*
• Mexico has secretly agreed to pay for the border wall, but only if they're treated to a special impromtu concert with a supergroup consisting of Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Mike Huckabee on bass and Kanye West.
• Melania has fallen in love with the president's animatronic robot in Disney World's Hall of Presidents and flies to Florida every weekend to be felt up by its metal hands.
• The Deep State liberals are poisoning young Christian minds with verified facts, statistics, context and an invitation to critical thinking in an insidious information delivery system once known as "books."