Bonus Video

Video: That Chinese CGI recreation of the Tiger Woods car accident that's all over the Internet.

Audio: My parents and J'Net discussing the Tiger Woods car accident from a previous entry.

Push It

So, you're back from Thanksgiving, and you've gained several pounds. No problem– everyone puts on a few over the long weekend. Here are a few quick ways to help trim down to your regular, doughy self:

• Stop eating until you lose the weight you want
• Instead of taking the bus to work, run at a full sprint
• "Accidentally" lose a leg on the escalator
• Picture Nancy Grace when you eat
• Binge, then exercise regularly and eat right
• Bake chicken nuggets to be extra tough so that you can burn more calories chewing
• Masturbate while eating a hot dog to simulate something or other
• Eat protein shake powder straight from the packet... maybe snort it
• Do jumping jacks whenever you're on hold with customer service
• Eat one rice grain at a time until the sushi bar throws you out
• Try not laughing when you fart. Hard, right?
• Eat lots of greens like spinach, broccoli and Shamrock shakes
• Start preparing your food like you don't mean it, so your body doesn't expect it
• Stop falling asleep at the pizza bar at Godfather's Pizza with your mouth full
• Squat thrusts make your butt bigger, so keep doing them, baby, yeaaahhh


Pictured above, Joel reunites with C-K co-worker Bryan Dixon.

A Snapshot of My Weekend

My Mom, Dad and Jeanette discuss the Tiger Woods "news" story.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Bale Hay

Hay is a staple food for livestock during the winter months. Learning how to bale hay requires patience. With today's big hay balers, it's a much easier task. However, the farmer is still dependent on the weather and growing conditions to bale hay that has a high nutritional value for his animals. First, check the condition of the grass. If the grass is at its peak, mow the hay. Let it cure. How long this takes depends on how heavy the grass is and what the weather conditions are. Next, you rake the hay. Depending on the hay rake used, you may have a windrow that is one row of grass. Or it may be two rows of grass folded together.

The next step is to prepare the baler. Grease all the machinery according to the manufacturer's directions. Check all the belts for proper tightness. Load the net wrap or baler twine. Prepare the hay in the windrow. It should have a crisp feel and there should be no wet clumps of hay. Proceed down the windrow with the hay baler attached to the back of the tractor. Straddle the windrow to feed the hay into the intake chamber. You may need to weave back and forth to get the hay to feed into the baler in an even manner.

Watch the indicator lights and the baler. When the bale chamber is full, either tie the bale or wrap it in net wrap. Back the baler up slightly from the windrow, open the baler and drop the bale of hay on the ground. Bale the rest of the field. If the hay clogs in the baler, use the safety chocks. Open the baler and untangle the hay. Remove the safety chocks, and continue baling the hay.

And speaking of hay, if you ever hire my town car service to pick you up from a county fair or any birthday party with ponies, do me a solid and stomp on the ground before getting in the car. That would really make my job a lot more pleasant. Thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving From EADJ!

Since December 2006, EADJ has consistently -and without fail- posted an entry every weekday, including holidays. Today is no exception.

EADJ wishes you, yours, and yours' yourses a rejoiceful and thankful Thanksgiving holiday or whatever. It is now that EADJ would like to list a few things for which we are thankful:

• The Kinks
• Good times
• Wilona from "Good Times"
• The cleanliness of Montreal
• Family
• Joy buzzers
• Jello molds
• Short skirts
• Taking big dukes
• Todd Crisman
• Styrofoam (also known as polystyrene in the UK)
• Freestyle snowboarding
• Having never been uppercut
• Cymbals
• Samosas
• Fake fur
• The buddy system
• XBox Live
• Scalawags
• Having never been asked to propose a toast
• Pussy
• "Delta Dawn" by Tanya Tucker
• Classy seafood restaurants
• The fact that the wife doesn't like decorating with sand dollars
• The fact that there are other channels when SNL is on
• Nougat
• The Iowa Highway Patrol
• Lip balm
• J.J. Abrams
• Titty bars
• Not having heard marijuana being referred to as "ganja" in a long time
• Skin moisturizer
• Car bingo

Spotted At Target

Pictured above, cruelty to children.

Tom Weingard's Search For a Decent Cheesesteak In NYC, Part 2

Tom samples Carl's Steaks on 3rd Avenue.