Thursday, July 31, 2014

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Start A Ska Band

1) Learn an instrument. Some common instruments in ska-punk are electric/acoustic guitars, electric bass, double bass, drums, piano, trumpet, trombone and sax.

2) Next you need people who play instruments and/or can sing. At the very least, you will need someone to play electric/acoustic guitar, bass, drums, and a brass/woodwind instrument such as trumpet, trombone or sax. Some popular variations are the use of an upright bass as opposed to the usual bass guitar, or the inclusion of keyboards, which are vital if you want more of a traditional two-tone or classic Jamaican Ska sound.

3) Get together and write some songs. Some people prefer to write a complete set of lyrics before building a song around them, while some write the music first. Meet with your bandmates often and find out what works for you.

4) Practice! Often. Ideally, find a place where you won't bother anybody with noise and where you won't be interrupted.

5) Record everything so that you can listen to it and make changes. Sometimes listening to yourself on tape can help you to pick out things in your performance of a song that you might not otherwise have noticed.

6) Get booked. Once you have a solid set of songs, go out and play as many shows as you can. You want to get people in your local area excited about your band, and want to see more.

7) Do what you want with your recordings. You may want to record a short album or demo album, which you can send to labels or sell at concerts!

And speaking of albums, when riding in the back of my limo to the airport, if you want me to take you through a drive through, please turn down the CD player in the back so the clerk can hear your order. You're wasting their time, you're wasting my time, and you're wasting your own time, otherwise. That's just common courtesy. I can't believe I have to say it in this day and age. Be safe, kids.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Track List From The Broadway "The Bridges of Madison County" Musical

For those who haven't seen it yet, here is the list of songs to expect when watching "The Bridges of Madison County" on Broadway, playing until sometime next month. Or sooner.

1) "That's Not Clint Eastwood"

2) "Whiny Hausfrau"

3) "Soooooo Bored With My Marriage"

4) "A Nice Drive (Through Changing Leaves)"

5) "(So Am I Supposed To Pretend) This is Romantic?"

6) "Balls Deep"

7) "Once Again We Meet Again"

8) "Bali Ha'i"

9) "He Don't Love You (The Way I Love You), Bitch"

10) "Tagging That Ass Under Bridge Support Beams"

11) "Penis"

12) "A Toast To Us"

13) "Autumnal Booty / Bumping Uglies Under The Moon"

14) "Balls Deep (Reprise)"

15) "What The Hell Are You Doing With My Wife In This Stupid Bridge?"

16) "Bridge Duel: Part One"

17) "No Don't Francis"

18) "Bridge Duel: Part Two"

19) "Another Brick In The Wall: Part Two"

20) "Wait, I Just Noticed That's Not Meryl Streep"

21) "Finale / Packin' My Summer Dresses"

Monday, July 28, 2014

EADJ Fashion Roundup: Vanity Plate Edition

Today we match up some fashionistas with helpful suggestions of what personalized plate they could put on their car, assuming they own a car and need to make them street legal, because you're not allowed to drive a car on public streets without a license.

To the woman whose footwear threatens to fly away at any moment:

To the gentleman dressed in a mattress liner for a vest:

To the oblivious commuter whose backpack makes it look like he's wearing a speedo:

To the power couple who stand at a bus stop like a G-Star Raw Denim billboard:

To the three zebra people on the NJ Transit platform:

To the man who (I know it's hard to tell in the blurry photo) opened his shirt buttons down to the navel and then tied it off in a Daisy Duke cinch:

To the anachronistic dandy on 43rd Street:

To the jogger who was wearing what looked like an actual tutu (and also a "DIPLOMAT" T-shirt):

To the studded hipster:

To the woman wearing wolf ears and a neck brace at a water park:

To the Asian Orville Redenbacher on 46th Street:

To the black bra/mesh top/rolled up jeans combo wearer in Midtown NYC, a pair of options:

Thursday, July 24, 2014

The EADJ Facebook De-Friender Returns

Sometimes one post is all it takes to want you to drop a Facebook friend forever. Harsh? Maybe. But check this shit out and tell me you wouldn't do the same:

Bye bye, G_________! Away from my News Feed!