Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Smoothie Carton Was Happy.

Smoothie Carton was happy.

Stormtrooper Sneaker was happy for him.

Building Coupling was puzzled.

Beer Cooler wept bitter tears.

ATM was feeling randy.

Truck Refrigerator was less than thrilled.

Doohickeys On A Truck Bed were silently appalled.

Oven Shelving enjoyed some cookies.

Park Bench Claptrap sat in the wet.

Ethernet Wall Plug frowned on it all.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Happy Valentine's Day From EADJ!

Guys, here are a few unorthodox ways to celebrate V-Day with your lover:

• Take her to a lavish, expensive dinner, then "forget your wallet."

• Sneak a raw egg into bed during sex, then throw the egg against a wall when you climax. Color her impressed!

• Google "Venice, Italy." Print out a series of photos of Venice that you find. Make a collage board and give it to her. If she asks if you two are going to Venice, tell her yes but hide the damn collage board at your earliest opportunity. Stupid idea!

• Ask her to marry you. If she says yes, get married, live a long happy life with her and raise two beautiful children in the process. If she says no, continue whatever you're doing, champ.

• Present to her flowers stuck in your pee hole.

• Go to the grocery store to make your own homemade "Edible Arrangements" bouquet. Fight off the flies and gnats as you hand deliver that sticky, dripping, disgusting mess to her workplace. Get defensive if the receptionist asks if you want to see her. Notice how the receptionist actually has some pretty sexy legs...

• Eat shit and die (Milo Yiannopoulos only)

Monday, February 13, 2017

Introducing The Two Schools Of Misplaced Pathmark Merch: "On Top" and "Amongst"

Continuing our piece on how "Pathmark" segments fall into either "On Top" or "Amongst" categories. Today we will devote the entire entry to "Amongst" items:

Friday, February 10, 2017

Introducing The Two Schools Of Misplaced Pathmark Merch: "On Top" and "Amongst"

In our travels, we at EADJ have noticed that misplaced items in our long-running "Pathmark" segment fall into one of two categories: "On Top" or "Amongst." Today we will devote the entire entry to "On Top" items:

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Emily VENTS 3 in Terrifying 3D

Here's that semi-irregular segment where Emily Kane sounds off on whatever cheeses her off that day. She is not being compensated for these unsolicited opinions.

Previously, Emily vented about the social posts of Potbelly Sandwiches. This time, she'll be venting about the social posts of Potbelly Sandwiches.

No scarecrow needed.

Yer so bad. Wipe your mouth, MS Paint.

Yes, I’ll have the Barbara Streisandwitch.  Extra nose. 

“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall”

Eat a sandwich, dick.

I admit their sandwiches look better when photographed in a prison cell.  


Hey, I’m sandwiches for hands guy, now gimme some candy!

Just like grandma used to make. 

Extra Cap’n Crunch and croutons, please.  I’d like all the skin hanging from the roof of my mouth, if possible.

A gif in which a snowman dies.  You think it’s a latte but no.  Hot soup.

This belongs in the worst diorama anyone has ever made.

It's like they're on to me.