Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Retail Loyalty Programs!

With the success of loyalty programs like California Pizza Kitchen's Pizza Dough and My Starbucks, lots of other chains are looking to keep customers coming back with their own custom programs. Join these new loyalty clubs:

Delta Airlines Masochists
Cheesecake Factory Fat Fucks
Petsmart Turdhandlers Elite
Whole Foods Insufferable Soccer Moms
Supercuts Nicked Ear Club
Hobby Lobby Homophobic Sewing Circle
Ticketmaster Enablers
Yankee Candle's La Cosa Nostril
Hooters Eligible Bachelor Pad
Restoration Hardware Pewter Addicts
Sephora Lyin' Bitches
Lids Douchebag Rewards

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

An Imagined Conversation

The One On The Left: What are we doing today.

The One On The Right: Nothing. Neither of us have jobs.

The One On The Left: Nope. So what are we going to do, then.

The One On The Right: I know– let's get dressed up and get photographed.

The One On The Left: Why.

 The One On The Right: I dunno. For the hell of it. What else are we going to do. Read? Work?

The One On The Left: LOL. Okay, we could put our hair up in stupid buns and go to a premier where lots of cameras are and have our picture taken.

The One On The Right: And then our pictures will spread on social media, and more stupid people will follow us.

The One On The Left: And then we can somehow parlay all the new attention into some sort of endorsement deal so we can have more money to buy more stupid clothes to get photographed in.

The One On The Right: It's kind of a vicious cycle.

The One On The Left: Why were we even born.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Pathmark!

Emily Kane thought this was perhaps a rooster onesie, but I had to go elsewhere in the store to check: 

Thursday, August 31, 2017

EADJ Selections From the Sharper Image Catalog

The world's most trusted catalog continues to sell the most essential and reasonably priced merchandise around.

Click to enlarge and read: