Thursday, August 20, 2015

A New Segment Where We Shit On Children's Books

Shitting on children's books- does that make you feel like a big blog? I bet it does. Ooh, look at the big mean blog, shitting on books that are trying to instruct young minds.


Nice going to the potty. Now you just put your pants on backwards, genius.


Sir Topham Hat might have the market cornered on talking train slave labor, but he apparently doesn't  know there's a December 31.



Where is Tico? Try behind the barn, buried under the pig trough.


FUCK YOU SUE BENTLEY


Pressuring an infant to "use their words" is some hardcore Tiger Mothering. And who stole Governor Chris Christie's golf pants?


The Health Department soon shut down the whole operation when they saw A FUCKING RAT handling the food.


After playing construction, Joshua is going to go to his play house to beat his play wife for burning the play dinner.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness, Week of August 20


Just in case you had never heard the first 6000 times he's mentioned it: 50 Cent once got shot. I think my mother knows this already. 


Hey, look. The ultimate YES album cover/sports car dorm poster.


And the award for Most Literal Album Cover goes to...


I honestly don't know where to begin here. I just didn't realize guys still shaved stripes into their eyebrows. I thought that went the way of Vanilla Ice in "Cool As Ice."


Here's the thing- if you don't call ahead and tell the front desk you want an EARLY CHECK-IN, you're going to be left waiting in the lobby like a plebe.


FKA twigs decided to really go for that booger at the next stop light.


"Hello? Do you know how to use Photoshop? No? Okay."


I can't tell if this is supposed to be that "James Bond" tunnel or if these two assholes are stuck in a clothesdryer.


I'm not a guns expert, but "all I know" is that a semiautomatic weapon doesn't need a scope on it.


The "KISS" font. The literal interpretation of a Jimi Hendrix lyric. I like it!


Jesus rolled dice for your sins?


N⚭.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Spotted on Route 22 In Union, NJ

Here's a truck for a company called "Poppy LLC," featuring a gangsta kid with his baggy pants hung low, inspiring confidence everywhere.


At closer inspection, it turns out "POPPY" stands for "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You." What.


For one thing, you can't have the name of the acronym IN the acronym. And what the bing bong shit does "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You" mean?

THIS IS THE WORST CAMOUFLAGE FOR A SECRET GOVERNMENT OPERATION EVER.

***Update: I turned on the ol' Google machine and searched for "Poppy LLC." The first result didn't seem like the same company, but the fifth result scarily showed that I wasn't far off:

Poppy Llc is an acitve (sic) carrier operating under United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) Number 2505095. Carrier is licensed to carry hazmat rated materials from the general freight, cargo categories.

HOLY SHIT THAT TRUCK DROVE RIGHT BY ME I'M GOING TO DIE