Thursday, November 16, 2017

Gourd God: The Latest NJ Transit Survey Brochure

I got on the NJ Transit train the other morning and came across these flyers:




Festive and autumnal, no? Then I saw the arrangement of the pumpkins and gourds and realized it's a pale ghost of our beloved old stock people from the 2013 survey brochure.



Here now is a perfunctory comparison chart between the two:


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness


"The hole in the hat is for whenever my bra gets delivered."


Turns out businessmen from Nebraska do mind if they somehow end up on the cover of your mixtape after getting wasted in Reno with you and your crew.


A class action lawsuit against Stridex was filed later that week.


I don't get it. "Brain dump?"


Ladies and gentlemen, the Tomi Lahren of hip hop.


I've got nothing comical or mean to say about this. I'm happy for her? Pass.


They guys couldn't understand what was taking the girls so long to show up.


MF Doom is still somehow doing it. (It is still him, right?)

Monday, November 13, 2017

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up


A Subway flag complements any shirt dress, and a dark vest ties it all together.


Black slacks with tassels are a hip, festive way to spice up your morning commute. Olé!


Do you know who can actually find help at the Home Depot? Pimps.


A quirky quirkster wearing a trilby and furry boots heads to Trader Joe's for murasaki sweet potatoes.


Somebody bagged a Neapolitan bear on their last safari.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Some Air Travel Pillows Ranked In Ascending Order Of How Much They Make You Look Like An Asshole


The "Stack of Books"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low grade of 3. Looks comfy and natural, I guess.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None


The "Sideways Headrest"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: A low 4. Seems to work, but kind of looks like you're listening to a car's rearview mirror.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but sort of looks like a communicator.


The "Blue Strangler"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't help if you look like Casey Anthony.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Whatever this is.


The "Gray Strangler"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 5. Doesn't look stupid, but it doesn't look stylish either. Flight attendants would be ambivalent.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Phlox.


The "Blind Unibomber"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. You look like a sucker who just paid $50 for a basic headrest with a hood.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The black metal Klingons from TNG


The "Collision Crash"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 6. It might work okay, but it looks like someone needs to call a paramedic.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Dead Spock


The "Screaming Into An Elf's Tree"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7. Those poor elves aren't going to make cookies any faster with you shouting at them like that.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The Glove Plant from TOS


The "Teddy Bear Playing Guess Who"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 7.5. Looks complicated and torturous.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but looks kinda like Geordi La Forge.


The "Elephant's Dong"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8. Looks sort of comfy but at the price of looking stupid.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: None, but they look like those stupid seatbelts from the recent movies.


The "Shame Lap"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.1. Look at you, burying your face in that dumb thing. Sleep > shame, I guess.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: The flying pancakes from "Operation Annihilate!"


The "Suicide Sling"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. Those bratty kids in 17E are making fun of you as you sleep. And so are rows 16, 15, and 14.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Mizarians


The "Hostage"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 8.5. You look like you've already let the terrorists win, you instant victim.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Solanogen-Based Life Forms


The "Wearable Beehive"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 9.5. You do NOT look cool or comfortable. You look like Winnie the Pooh on a bender.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Ferengi


The "Earthworm Jim"
How Much It Makes You Look Like An Asshole: 10. Those holes at the side are for your arms, I think. What it looks like is an oversized planarian worm is sitting in 13A.
Star Trek Alien Race It Resembles: Tyvanna

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Some More Available (But Terrible) Porn Star Names


Porn is a booming business. And you, a young runaway with dreams of making it big in L.A., have found that you could be a big, rich porn star if only you had the right name. We at EADJ have some available names for you, but they're not the best in the world. But they're not taken. So go for it:

Him

Ponda Jerry 
Juan D'Erection
Joe Thighs, Man
Large Hardon Collider
Sperm-man Helmsley
Brook Kakke

Her

Wanda Takeabreakfromallthisfucking
Lily Putian (for a little person)
Quinoa Kale
Nondesirée
Koo D’etat
Lisa Honda-Today
Deb Bigbangtheory