UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Fiverr Delivers!

 This came in:

SWEET. This totally looks like a badass lemur in an astronaut suit on fire wielding nunchucks made of pepper grinders!

This would be the perfect esports logo for us if this blog played PUBG or Fortnite or Call of Duty or whatever. Put that on a friggin' SATIN JACKET!

Thanks again to Fiverr seller nuraroni for such a good job!

Fiverr Update

My Fiverr request from yesterday got a response and a first draft sketch!

Logo designer nuraroni from Indonesia delivered this:

A pretty damn good start!

☑ Badass

☐ Lemur

☑ Astronaut suit

☐ On fire

☑ Wielding nunchucks made of pepper grinders

Needs a few adjustments, but I think we're well on our way, Fiverr!

A Fiverr Request

With some spare change burning in my pocket, I decided to peruse the services over at Fiverr to see what bullshit I could spend it on. I came across this guy who designs esports logos which look pretty sweet:

I decided to message him a request that could challenge his illustration skills:

Stay tuned for his response! Let's get crackin'!

Meanwhile, At The Gaslight Restaurant...

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes?"

"I ordered the fish fritters, but you brought me the chicken strips."

"No, you ordered the chicken strips."

"Um, no. I remember ordering the fish fritters. Because I wanted to try it."

"Where'd you get a crazy idea like that? I wrote down 'chicken strips' when you ordered it. Why are you making things up now?"

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I'm very busy here. I have lots of other tables to wait on, so don't be so selfish and try to lie about ordering fish fritters when it's OBVIOUS you ordered the chicken strips, for Christ's sake. You ORDERED THE CHICKEN STRIPS, OKAY?"

"Uh, okay."

"Enjoy your meal!"

 

The Most Terrifying Movie Poster I've Seen This Year

LOOK at this terrifying thing. Oh my God. Their eyes are DEAD. DEAD. They both have lifeless marbles instead of where their souls should be. Two doll-headed simulacra from the depths of Hell. AHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

AHHHH!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Summary: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: Mid August Edition

 Fun fact: Every time for the past decade, when I type "ProofrEADJer",  it autocorrects to "proofreader" and I have to go back and change it. Agonizing!

Okay, this one is technically not a typo, but the header saying "But The Information Chart" is pretty odd

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags: Week of Aug 17

Twitter is still around- mostly as a megaphone for the megalomaniac in the White House. But other people use it, too. And they often use hashtags. Here are some hashtags that they don't often use. Jeez this set-up paragraph sucks.

#anusBedazzler

#tagginggravestonesyo

#2girls1rentalagreement

#didMissPiggygrowacupsize

#overintellectualizingFortnite

#usinghashtagstofindothergreatcontent

#complimentarychefspubes

#puritanbadonkadonk

#shittinginTibet

Toddler Fashion

 Pictured below, an ensemble that only a toddler John Legend or Boss Baby could pull off without getting wedgied in half. #LilPimpin

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Marketers Still Want You To Say Goodbye To A Bunch Of Dumb Stuff. Here's the Latest

*KISS*! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

More Unasked-For Taglines For A Long Forgotten Movie (Fiverr Outsourcing Version!)

We're going to try something a little different this round. Today we hired the talents of Fiverr comedy writer jamesdcreviston to supply the taglines to Shark Exorcist since I'm frankly a little burned out. 

Here now are my man's contributions:

Here are the additional lines he provided (blank ones were used above):

SHARK EXORCIST LINES

1.     TSUNAMI IN HELL!

2.     IT’S GONNA BE A HELL OF A DAY AT THE BEACH!

3.     THE JAWS OF HELL ARE OPEN.

4.     PRAY HE CAN REMOVE THE DEMON SEA.

5.     

6.    

7.     HELLS A BEACH.

8.     

9.     POSSESSING A BEACH NEAR YOU.

10. 

11. 

12. PRAY IT WILL BE QUICK.

13. YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER POPE.

14. HE’S GOT A CROSS TO BURN.

15. NO FIN IS SAFE!

16. 

17. IT’S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN A HAIL MARY TO SAVE YOU.

18. HE PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO ONLY CARRY A CROSS.

19. IT WOULD ONLY BE LAMER IF IT HAD A FRICKIN LASER ON ITSHEAD.

20. THERE’S NOT ENOUGH HOLY WATER TO COOL IT OFF. 

Big thanks to jamesdcreviston for providing the material this round. Go over to Fiverr and hire him today!

UAG

EADJ Programming Note

Click to play video:

Thanks to Fiverr vendor malevoicetalent for the sick DJ drop!

Yeah, there is no "Kristine in the Morning". I just added that because it sounded good.

More Unsolicited Taglines For A Movie That Will Never Make Its Money Back

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Oh God. I feel so exposed. Where are my gloves?"

"You know, Chad, I think we've all taken this intramural game a little too far. Maybe it's time to for us to just take a step ba.... GOAL!!!! WE JUST SCORED ON YOU, CHAD! EAT IT!"

"I said certified copy / seven days a week / wet-ass pussy / make that pull-out game weak"

"Eww. Someone got their DNA all over the BLOODLINE. Gross!"

"Alexa, is it a full moon tonight?"

"In a way, yes."

"Boo."

THE END

"What? No one here likes the J. Geils Band anymore?"

"Jesus. You pull over to pee just for five minutes in Georgia and suddenly have to deal with psycho rednecks."