UAG

Nervous?

Spotted online: A Tulsi Gabbard Nikki Haley political ad. Thanks to some weird droplet flourishes by a graphic designer, it looks like she's sweating or nervous about the tiny red people protesting against her.

Someone Ran the Comp Illustration

Spotted online: Michael Jackson retires with $500,000

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• The Masked Sharktank Bachelor

• Bravo presents: Rollerblading Dwarfs and Their 68 Children in a Treehouse

• Solved Mysteries

• Gordon Ramsay's Master Sous Chef Junior, Round Robin Tournament

• The Marvelous Mrs. Merkel

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Just a bunch of Family Guy Instagram clips stitched together to make an episode

• Ted Asso

• Randall Parks & Recreation

• Vanderpump Works (For Once)

• Love & Hip Hop, Salt Lake City Edition

• Steve Harvey Surprised He's In a Courtroom Show

• Specific Hospital

Let's Say Goodbye To Whatever Advertisers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! *kiss* Goodbye! Bye-bye! Goodbye!

Upside Down Controller Was Nervous

Upside Down Controller was nervous.

Orthodontic Equipment was shocked.

Patio Umbrella frowned and sat in a corner.

Forklift Forks tried to look on the bright side.

Discarded Metal Piece stayed neutral about it all.

UAG

Chinese (or German?) Menu

I don't know who this Dieter is, but his specials look like some delicious dishes.

4 Upcoming Actresses With Their Breakout Roles

Actress: Emma Mackey, former CVS dental appliance model

Breakout role: Maeve Wiley, a sardonic teenager, in the Netflix comedy-drama series "Sex Education". Strangely, NO HOBBITS are in this show.

Actress: Phoebe Dynevor, daughter of clay tycoon Roy Dynevor

Breakout role: The rollerskating Natasha in "Bridgerton"

Actress: Rachel Brosnahan 

Breakout role: aspiring stand-up comedian (and eventual assassin to Buddy Holly, whoops spoiler alert) Miriam "Midge" Maisel

Actress: Australian actress Samara Weaving

Breakout role: Kirsten Mulroney on the drama series "Out of the Blue" and also, believe it or not, Kool-Aid Man from every Kool-Aid commercial since 1972

More Whack-a-Doo Conspiracy Theories From The O.G. Maniac

Tons of right wing podcasters, bloggers, cable TV pundits, and even members of Congress spewing all manner of crazy conservative conspiracies now, but let's not forget that Alex Jones is the original "gay frog" bullshit dispenser. Here are some NEW conspiracies that he and his talented writers are cooking up for you:

• TikTok is actual cancer cells, digitized into 1's and 0's to infect tweens and dumb people

• People used to care that Jimmy Crack Corn, back when there were REAL Americans

• Screaming directly into someone's asshole discourages polyps

• Rapper Flo Rida is personally responsible for all the fluoride in city water

• Restaurant hosts have all agreed to MAKE WHITE PEOPLE WAIT LONGER THAN MINORITIES

• AA batteries carry the same charge as C batteries but are more expensive because conspiracy

• That weed you lost? I took it.

Unintentional Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze

Go ninja! Go ninja go!

Highlights From the Consumer Electronics Show 2022

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) has just wrapped up in Lake Tahoe, and here are the most noteworthy releases from that event:

• Digital spice rack with Bluetooth-capable printer

• H.R.-approved Zoom filter for co-workers that puts them in a wet t-shirt contest

• 3D printer for crypto currency that allows you to print worthless currency in real space

• Virtual reality Sunglasses Hut that lets you experience how difficult it is to return merchandise

• Android app that emulates your Dad's flip phone, back when he was happy

• Hilarious GIFs of crabs

• A racist blender that doesn't believe in miscegenation

• Digital boarding passes that cancel your flight while you're in midair

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It's Time To Say Goodbye To A Bunch of Things Ad Copywriters Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! *kiss*

Some More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"This won't work out. We're not compatible. You're obviously USB-C while I'm USB-A!"

"What was it you said earlier, that this job would get off without a hitch? Well, Sarah, guess what this is. That's right. A HITCH! This job is definitely getting off WITH a hitch, Sarah! You hear me? I signed up for a HITCHLESS job and we now have ourselves a HITCHFUL job, Sarah!"

"Hello. My name is Andrew Tate."

"It's your turn to change him."

"Goddammit."

"This high up, you can't possibly expect there to be a working shower."

Question

"The Perfect Race"? Do they mean white?

Welcome To the Saverhood, Will

Spotted in a mailer from the local utility company:

Geoffrey the butler shows the Fresh Prince how to install a boiler.

Uncanny!

WTF, Temu?

We have now entered the David Cronenberg phase of online advertising.

Smecial Dreams Entry

 

The ProofrEADJer: December Edition