Childbirth is an exciting, exhilarating new stage in your life. Your body will go through a harrowing but ultimately rewarding transformation from woman to child bearer. This transformation is known as labor.
Your contractions- as they get closer together- will herald your new life, both literally and figuratively. Stay attuned to your body's signals as you enjoy the natural drum roll that is labor. Feel the way your body seizes up and your pulse quickens as your uterine muscles begin pushing that placental miracle towards your vaginal opening. Also, pay special attention to the acute new feelings of elastic agony that your labia majora and labia minora encounter as they're stretched to the limit. Burn a candle.
Wait, this weekend isn't about that? Oh, right.
***UPDATE*** I already made this lame joke five years ago! I'm finished creatively!