Tuesday, June 28, 2016

This Week's Least Used Twitter Hashtags

A certain Republican presidential candidate is on Twitter a lot. Which says a lot about how much Twitter sucks (and he sucks). But even then, Twitter has standards and has used some hashtags more than others. Here now are the worst of the worst hashtags, which you can use in your own private Twittersphere:


Monday, June 27, 2016

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

The One Minute Gynecological Clinic at CVS was a hit.

DMX prays for inspiration to create a new combination of the same six words that he uses in all his songs.

"Did I get it? No, this side? Dammit, do you have a mirror?"

Funny, I was sure the Virgin Mary was a Crip wearing all that blue.

Dante describes what happened to his bed when Axl Rose sat down on it.

To answer your question- fuck yeah, Notary Publics make some money.

Mike Posner wanted to sleep, but since you insisted on seeing the plane land, he opened the window shade. Happy now, you dick?

Not a real Rolex. But that's okay- that's not real cocaine either.

It was four days since her interview at Ann Taylor Loft, and Karla was wondering what was taking so long for them to call her.

Getty Images thanks you for your stock image order. "FeatherOnScale.jpg" should be available for download shortly.

It took no less than 5 different logo'd organizations to bring you this pile of crap.

R. Kelly regrets giving you a coriander enema. It should have been basil and rosemary.

"Just put a white streak over his eyes to hide his identity. No one will sue us then."

I don't quite understand the Wendy's hatred here. Maybe it's because of this.

This might be the most unposed-looking pose I've ever seen on an album cover.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Hella Breaking News

After an immovable stalemate in Congress between Democrats and Republicans over the nation's gun laws (made more urgent by the mass shooting in Orlando), House Democrats staged a sit-in on the House floor on June 22, demanding a vote on gun control legislation. The protest garnered national attention on the issue of gun control, which is great, but more interesting for us was this photo taken of them:

Does something about this stiff, somewhat posed photo of multicultural people in businesswear look familiar to you? It did to us:

Holy shit! The NJ Transit Survey was gun control propaganda!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The Answers To Yesterday's Game of Which Can, Erickson?

1 correct = Lucky you
2-3 correct = Good work
4 correct = Impressive
6 correct = Go to hell, cheater

Monday, June 20, 2016

It's Time Once Again To Play, Which Can, Erickson?

Match each toilet (with accompanying dating app for Android) to its correct location below:

1. Wild Buffalo Wings, Beltsville MD
2. Tomorrowland, Disney World, Orlando, FL
3. BC Place, Vancouver
4. The Pikey, Los Angeles
5. The Artie Lang Show Studios, NYC
6. SilverBall Arcade & Museum, AsburyPark,NJ

Answers will be revealed tomorrow!

Friday, June 17, 2016

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of June 19

Twitter has a hashtag problem. People are using so many bullshit hashtags that it's created a new subset of totally unusable bullshit hashtags. Here are a few of those, which you're welcome to use in your own tweets that I don't follow:


Monday, June 13, 2016

Here Are Your Timesheets For The Month of June

Hello everyone.

Sorry for the ALL AGENCY email, but I wanted to remind you that timesheets are due by end of day TODAY and we need all of you to submit yours before going to Wanda's goodbye party at The Hop after work.

Please take a few minutes to find your job numbers and fill out your weekly hours as usual. If you don't see your job numbers, call me or Dante at x.646 and we'll get you straightened out.

See you all at The Hop!

88359: Misquoting the Bible

52205: Looking for that goddamned bread twist-tie

17289: Resting your balls on the boss's stapler

81109: Not touching your Edible Arrangement yet for fear of looking like a pig

92044: Making a K-turn with the mail cart

61460: Getting Killswitch Engage confused with Stabbing Westward

91002: Cutting your hair and dyeing it in the bathroom to evade the Feds

20464: Giving/receiving a Purell enema

44339: Checking out your pussy in the elevator door reflection

72218: Finding someone who gets your "Where's the beef?" joke

83525: Explaining the "Grey's Anatomy" finale

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

How To Write a LinkedIn Endorsement For Someone You Don't Really Like

LinkedIn. You do it. We all do it. But what happens when a co-worker you're not to crazy about asks you to write an endorsement for them? Here's a handy guide to get them off your back without suspecting that you secretly hate them:

1) Just describe the job they did rather than how well or poorly they did them.

"Dan is definitely one of the senior management specialists I've worked with. He managed two teams and was in charge of the Fall 2013 marketing plan. Yep."

2) If you have to compliment something about that person, compliment where you both worked.

"Karla and I were lucky to work at an office that had the GREATEST break room countertops!"

3) Be vague enough in your endorsement to sound like an endorsement without actually having endorsed them at all. 

"Samantha's working style is like nothing I've seen. She is truly unique in her leadership approach, and the results speak for themselves."

4) Or simply change the subject in an endorsement.

"Is Jim qualified to lead a team of 20 people for an urgent project? I believe that the Arctic region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 if greenhouse gasses continue to get pumped into the atmosphere at the current rate."