Yet More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

All previous entries here.

It isn't enough for ubiquitous popstar Ariana Grande to dominate the charts and radio playlists; she also would like the world to recognize her as the cutest thing EVAR. We at this humble blog respectfully disagree with Ms. Grande, offering the following list of things that are objectively cuter:

• Pony saddles

• Those little white shoes that the animated M&Ms wear.

• The way dogs wolf down cupcakes

• Origami Yoda

• That red cement ball in front of Target that kids love to climb on and that old people bump their hip against

• The German word for little bear: Bärchen

• The Mars Attacks! flying saucers

• Stuffing apples into your sleeves so it looks like you have biceps

• Squirtle

Here Are Your Timesheets For August 29, 2019

Howdy all! Shep the window washer here. Jus' wanted to let you all know that my crew and I will be servicing all windows on the east side today, so don't get upset if we block the sunrise! That's a joke!

Anyhoo,  your CEO had asked me to remind y'all to fill out your timesheets by end of day TODAY, otherwise your company won't be able to pay you or their bills and soon I'll be peering in on a whole different set of employees! That's also a joke!

Anyways, enough horsing around. Here are the job numbers for you good people:

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44928: Making lemonade back into lemons

02124: Snitching on Shanekwa

56640: Slipping that handsome TSA agent a love note

31318: FaceTiming with the Lord

93200: Explaining to someone that you can't type "Flavortown" into the GPS

33818: Finding tights to match your sexy Foghorn Legcorn costume

59153: Getting wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night

00382: Falling asleep in the Lincoln Memorial's lap

68385: Cursing loudly at the Hallmark Store

94661: Trying to pick out Peter Cetera in old Chicago footage

75774: Checkmating Chewbacca; getting arms torn off

Pathmark: Ultra-Rare 'Nothing Out Of Place' Edition

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: End of August Edition

UAG

Yet More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Wanna have a lucrative and long-lasting career in the porn industry? Well, first you're going to need a memorable alias– aka a new porn name. Most of the good ones are taken, but we scrounged up a few that were lying around because they're terrible, but help yourself:

HER:

Alopecia

Crotchtina Vibram

B. Donna Bratt

Amber Crombie & Fist

Jill Dough

HIM:

Helmut Polisher

Halal Kabobs

Hamster Dan

Otto Correct

Kidd Proquo

"Push Yourself, Because No One Else Is Going To Pathmark For You."

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Bank Pen Holder Was Shocked.

Bank Pen Holder was shocked.

Baked Goods Wrapper Dispenser stayed on Snapchat.

The Two Remaining Cylons were nervous.

Paper Towel Dispenser giggled behind his shades.

Delivery Van was quite amused.

Upside Down Car Icon was scandalized.

Upside Down Sailboat became a Stoned Alien.

Aloe Water Bottles were VERY SURPRISED.

Salmon Steaks sat there like the Judge from Pink Floyd's "The Wall":

Crayola Boba Fett continued to monitor the situation.

Buck Toothed Garbage Bin couldn't believe it.

House wished it were somewhere else.

Gas Pump Nozzle Holder thought about his sad lot in life.

But Garage Light Sensor thought everything was GREAT!

The ProofrEADJer: Mid August Edition

A couple in this grab bag:

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Contract negotiations with various studios are over, and here are the latest shows and movies that will be added to Hulu:

• How To Cook Crepes Like a Fucking Champion

• What's On Netflix

• Ugh, You're Wearing *That?*: The Fashion Makeover Show

• Ping Me That You Love Me

• Drop It Like It Will Indict You

• Talking Talking Dead: The Show Where We Recap The Last "Talking Dead" Recap Show

And here are the latest shows and movies that will be removed from Hulu:

• SONOFABITCH!: The Amateur DIY Fix-it Show

• Model UN Paintball

• Pranking Fire Departments

• Scrolling list of everyone's Social Security Numbers

• Virtual Speed Date Rejections

• That's My Dick, Actually

• Gone Are Rhea