Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

The Answers To Yesterday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

Did you get them all right? Who cares?

It's Time To Play 'Which Can, Erickson?' 2021

Forgot how to play this game? That's okay–it's been a while.

Match the toilet to the location below, indicated by the type of specialty pastry:

A. Timber Cove, Jenner, California -- Bahulu

B. Replay Arcade and Bar, Chicago -- Bierock

C. Mellow Mushroom, Wake Forest, NC -- Briouat

D. Detroit Zoo -- Baklava

E. The Breslin, NYC -- Buko Pie

F. Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum, Farmington Hills, MI --Bundevara

The answers tomorrow!

What Mall Kiosk Attendants Are Thinking: Special Pandemic Edition

Grace at the GOT CANDY? kiosk at the Woodland Mall at Grand Rapids, Michigan.

"Jeez. 3 people today. Total. In the entire mall."

Hanna at the Massage Pod kiosk at the Merle Hay Mall in Des Moines, Iowa.

"Either that's a giant dust bunny or a legit tumbleweed over there."

Darcy at the Otto Cases kiosk at the Kentucky Oaks Mall in Paducah, Kentucky.

"I'm a solitary person. But this is some bullshit."

Get Ready For BETRAYAL and DISLOYALTY in the Marvel BATTLE WORLD: TREACHERY at TWILIGHT!

Marvel Battle World: Treachery At Twilight is a revolutionary cooperative, expandable, collectible adventure game featuring dozens of characters from all over the Marvel Universe! Players get to open the mysterious Thanostones during the course of play to reveal the mystery character inside! And best of all, players can test their strategies by stabbing their opponents in the back at the most opportune time! It's a Machiavellian dream! You can try these sweet combo moves:

• Agree to pick your friend up at the airport, but call at the last minute that you had tickets to a murder mystery play and really wanted to see it!

• Get your friend hired at your work but start spreading vicious rumors about them among your co-workers and supervisors so that they get shunned and fired before the week is even over!

• Find out what programs your friend is currently watching and post on their FB feed all the major spoilers!

• Pay off all their debts to collection agencies, then tell them that you bought their debt and are charging them twice the interest!

• Lie to them that you've been vaccinated and give them COVID-19!

UAG

Can You See It?

Am I crazy, or does that railing spell the word "SHIT"?

Hey, Let's Check In With The EADJ Dashboard Buddies™!

It's been a minute since we caught up with our three dashboard pals, so let's see what they've been up to!

PENGUIN!

 Uh, is this a real segment? I don't remember this being one... This is actually a bad time. My cousin passed away and I'm trying to find a flight to his funeral at the end of the week... I'm sorry. This is just the worst time for me... *sobs*

COW!

...And that's when I found out that Cheryl's sister had left her husband. Right, I suspected she was going to leave her anyway after that very public fight they had at the McNeals's... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of another blog entry right now. Check back later? Thanks.

HIPPO!

I'm not talking to you guys anymore. Since the last entry, my Instagram was flooded with troll comments saying I'm a stupid-ass for appearing on your shit-ass unfunny blog. This has ruined my social media presence. Goodbye.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Start a Gothic Story

Gothic fiction is a subgenre of horror, exemplified by authors such as H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, AND Mary Shelley. Gothic horror consists of moody landscapes, supernatural experiences, and an atmosphere filled with dread. You can write your own piece of gothic fiction if you know about its conventions.

At the beginning of your story, take care to describe your setting and characters who are present at the beginning of your story. Just make sure that you don't give away too much information in the beginning. Leave some things to describe later, like the villain and other mysterious elements of your story.

Secondly, Gothic readers love metaphors, so use imagery (such as ghosts, vampires) to convey a deeper meaning. That could be political, sexual, or emotional. Either way, metaphors, when done right, add a new level of terror in your story.

And speaking of new levels, when you call my limo to pick you up at the airport and you text me you'll be standing at Door 1, Level 2, don't be standing at Door 2, Level 1. I can't be both places at once! Be safe, kids!

Bank of America Presents: New Trending Scams To Avoid to Protect Your Account

The security of your account at BofA is the most important thing to us. We have proactively discovered all the new ways that scammers are trying to access your information in order to steal your hard-earned money so that they can buy the newest iPhone to take pornographic selfies to post onto Instagram and OnlyFans. Sluts. Here are the newest ways that scammers are trying to fool you into sharing your account info:

• They hire a professional impressionist to pose as your mother to call you and ask you why you haven't found a new job yet and by the way what's your PIN number

• They post memes on Facebook that say things like: "LIKE if your account number ends in 5574 LOL"

• Instead of "phishing", they actually go fishing and forget about scamming you for a change. It's a good afternoon.

• They start their own bank called Bonk of America, with everything exactly like Bank of America but with the letter "o": stationery, signage, brochures, name tags. Then when you walk in to make a deposit, they say all the things we would say, but with an "o", like "How ore you?" It's creepy and pointless, really, but you gotta admire their initiative.

• They access all six Infinity Stones and change your account and routing number to something that's easily guessed. Gee, you'd think they'd do something more epic with all that power, but nope!

• Some guy shows up at your door claiming to be your long lost cousin Yadduk. You hit it off with him and he starts living in your guest room. In time, he becomes like family and on your deathbed you bequeath to Yadduk your Bank of America account. SCAMMED!

• They try the up-front approach and ask you for $450,000.

2020 Was A Weird Year.

This was a real purchase: 

UAG

Hallmarked For Death

If all the Hallmark movies and shows are connected by the Hallmark Cinematic Universe (HCU), based on their two types of programming, that means all romantic relationships either end up happily ever after or one of them murders the other and hides their remains under a spooky rustic shack over by the coal mine.

The EADJ Pun Police 2021

"Mornin', Deputy Cezary."

"Morning Captain. I see we're ready to round up some terrible puns today?"

"We are if you are."

"Then let's begin."

"My goodness. That is pretty awful."

"Looks like a handwritten, home-brewed pun than something mass produced. Lucky us."

"'Roux the Day?!' Yikes, Captain! That is just awful. I wonder if they changed the setting of the show to New Orleans just to accommodate that awful pun."

"And what the hell is a 'gourmet detective'?"

"No idea, Captain. Call for backup. This is getting messy."

"LADIY-BOX?! Why would they do that?"

"I'm not sure. They're German, we're a Polish police sitcom, and the pun is English. I'm so confused!"

"EVACUATE THE ENTIRE AREA. CALL IN AN AIR STRIKE"

More Available Porn Names That Are Available Because They Are Terrible

Welcome to the set! We're almost ready to get started here– hope you've done your stretches. But before we get you into makeup and lubricated, I think you're going to need a porn name for the movie poster. You know, something catchy that you can use for future movies. Something you can go by when people at the video store ask for your movies. Here's a shoebox full of unused porn names so you can pick one. But hurry, we've got the lighting almost perfect!

Him

Harry Truman Doris Day

Phil I. Buster

Roe Hypnol

Stanley Cupmyballs

Her

LaTrine

Margar-eatit

Aloe Vera

Meta Data

Meg Adeth

Dyskinesia

More Stupid Taglines For a Bad Movie That Was Released Years Ago 2021

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched 2021

"GOOD MORNING. YOU WERE GREAT."

"Fuck you. Wheee!"

"I can't believe I'm starring in a movie with a decrepit, dried up husk of a corpse. And Lou Ferrigno."

"Is this your card?"

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S MY PANCREAS! AAAHHHHHH!"

(kills guy)

"I guess he wasn't in charge. Get it?"

"You know, I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute. I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot."

"This is taking forever, Fame!"

"What are you talking about, Frezell? This shit is fast!"

"Jesus, I knew the falcon could sing. I just didn't realize the lyrics would be explicit Miami booty lyrics."

"Remind me not to take the word of a killer." (shoots goat, valet and propane tank)

UAG 2021

The ProofrEADJer: January 2021 Edition

New Year, New Batshit Conspiracy Theories

 Alex Jones and his InfoWars war on actual information has found new ways to spread right wing conspiracies although he was banned from almost every social media outlet years back. That's because spreaders of misinformation refuse to be shamed to silence and double down on their dumb, dangerous hackery, especially in these turbulent pandemic times.

Here now are some upcoming show topics for Jones:

The Green New Deal: The War on Precious Carbon Dioxide

You Are All Extras In My Documentary About Me Being A Mistaken Hero

Ways That Marjorie Taylor Greene Is More Like Jesus Than Jesus

Rush Limbaugh's Ghost Haunts My Pantry and His Message For You

God-Fearing Christians Are Being Persecuted For Persecuting Immigrants and It Just Isn't Fair

Why Dad Bods Get Pussy, and Not From Mom Bods

Why Are Leftist Commie Libtards So Insulting?

Cilantro: Spice o' The Gods That Everyone Loves

Democracy = Democrats x Crazy

Something I Googled Makes Perfect Sense and I Haven't Read a Real Book All Year

How Gold Is The New Way To Make Disgraced Right-Wing Crazymen Rich (Sponsored)

Hello, 2021! Goodbye, Things That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!