Monday, August 7, 2017

Some Quick Notes From Tami and Chelsea

Listen up, bitches, PAY ATTENTION! Put away your phones, cut the chitchat and make a half-circle around us in 3...2...1.

No, we're not stretching out right now, Phoebe. This is just a touch-base.

Okay. DanceExpo is in 16 DAYS, people! That means we've got to get our two routines down, tight and ready for Albuquerque in 15 days. I mean it, ladies, we've got a lot of work to do between now and our 6pm slot! For realsy.

But before we even start stretching out (serious, Phoebe, not yet), Chelsea and I have a few notes about "Sorry Not Sorry:" Everyone's nice and crisp in the first verse, but when we get to "now payback is a bad bitch," I'm seeing a lot of sloppy heel-toe-heel in the back row. That includes Sophie, Candace, Allison T. and Gabriella. I'm sorry, ladies, but you gotta keep it going strong. Just because you're in the back doesn't mean judges aren't seeing your feet.

Secondly, breathing. When we're doing the fourth front-to-back-leg combo, I don't want you gasping your way through it– it messes the flow and we can all see it. So that means you need to control your breathing and not hold it during the air run. Cool? Cool.

HANDS should be tight. ELBOWS should be tight. HIPS together and CRISP, dammit. These are all things that made us the number 4 dance squad in Cleveland. Let's never forget that.

Okay, hands in the middle here:

Are we tough? YES!!!
Are we professional? YES!!!


Monday, July 31, 2017

A Friend Request on Facebook

That's funny, Shelia. I just woke up and wet my dick. I want to have fun with me, too.

Monday, July 24, 2017

New Segment: Package Labels Behind The Scenes

The following packages all have distinctive imagery, so much so that EADJ went behind the scenes to find out what the process was to arrive at these memorable labels:

"Okay, X. I know you're a legendary rapper with a solid street rep, but do you think you could look more like you're smelling the Hot Pocket and maybe giving it a little respect?"

"I hate working with you."

"I hate working with you, too. But it's a paycheck. So suck it up, baby."

"Okay, we need a baby with a possibly mixed ethnic background– someone you couldn't just peg as 'Asian' or 'black.' I know, that's totally racist, but... WHOA, Amber, is that your baby??? He'd be perfect for this!!!!"

"All right, now hold the inhaler up to your face without bringing it all the way up... yes, and cock your head to the side like you're a cool mom and this is no big deal... nice... Hey, are you busy after this shoot? You wanna get some coffee?"

"Wait a minute for the fucking butterfly to land; we have low exposure lighting here. Okay, aaaand... FUCK! It flew off again! Put more of that fucking sugar water on the surface. It's coming back... and... FUCKING FUCK!"