Thursday, December 14, 2017

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 14: "The Christmas Trap" Starring Colin Lawrence and Lucia Walters

This Hallmark Lifetime Christmas movie was a gift. Because I didn't know it was only 10 minutes long before watching it. Bingo, bango, day 14 out the door:

Plot summary: "When a couple on the brink of divorce gets stuck in an elevator together on Christmas Eve, both think this will be a nightmare. But surprisingly, the Christmas music brings back memories, the gifts they have just shopped for spark a flame, and a misunderstanding from a Christmas past is resolved. As the elevator crew works overtime to rescue them, they realize where they went wrong and rekindle a love that had never really died."

Romance Factor: 5 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 00:10:00

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 13: "A Rose For Christmas" Starring Rachel Boston and Marc Bendavid

Plot Summary: "Andy is a passionate artist whose family has been building Rose Parade floats for generations. When her Dad gets sick, Andy is forced to take the helm and supervise the construction and decoration of their client's float. And to make matters worse, she's saddled with the extra challenge of dealing with demanding businessman Cliff, whose company commissioned the float."

Let's just say off the bat that the title is a lie. The Rose Parade / Tournament of Roses occurs on January 1, so it's a New Year's movie, not a Christmas one. So strike one there.

We're now 11 for 13:

Romance Factor: 7 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 0 out of 10
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 1:14:01

I didn't enjoy this one. And I hated that guy. Fuck that character.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 12: "On Strike For Christmas" Starring Daphne Zuniga and David Sutcliffe

This one's for the Moms. The wives. The ones who have already found the love of their dreams but still want a little assistance from their ungrateful husbands and kids to SET UP THESE GODDAMNED CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. Is it too much to ask for a little help, Cody and Hunter? Do I have to do everything around here? I know I'm nagging, dear, but the kids take after you and need to see you giving me support instead of asking for another beer from the fri... ARE YOU WALKING AWAY FROM ME???!!

Plot summary: "Joy Robertson goes 'on strike for Christmas' because her husband and sons are wrapped up in their own pursuits and providing no help whatsoever with the many Christmas preparations."

This entire scenario could have been avoided with a Yuletide Chore Log.

The Greek play Lysistrata was a comedic story of an Athenian woman's mission to end the Peloponnesian War by convincing the women of Greece to withhold all sex from their husbands to force the men to negotiate peace. This is exactly the same thing, except instead of fighting a war, this is putting up styrofoam candy canes in your yard. And instead of sex, women are withholding putting up styrofoam candy canes in the yard.

Romance Factor: 2 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 4 out of 10
Overall Rating: 3 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 00:6:00 (they're married, remember?)

Oh my God, this movie is awful. It started with the premise of an overworked mom standing up for her rights, but then it gets lost in sentimentality and she abruptly ends the strike because "Christmas is about being with your family." The unappreciative husband and sons magically become perfect and supportive, and Christmas is saved. This entire film is a wish fulfillment fantasy for wives who wish they could stand up to their neglectful family but also don't want to stir the pot. You can't it have both ways, Hallmark. You can't have it both ways.