Shake What The Lord Gave Ya

Yesterday in the ProofrEADJer we had an entry advertising a "Christian tambourine." Let's look more into this, shall we?

TWO WAYS OF PLAYING! This ad helpfully demonstrates how you can both SHAKE the damn thing or HIT the damn thing with your other hand. TWO WAYS, PEOPLE! PRAISE JESUS! Unmute that shit to hear the glory and the power!

But with this exuberance comes caution. Churchgoers are encouraged to play the tambourine BUT they must take care NOT TO DROP it on the ground, as that would break a bell piece off the damn thing.

This was, of course, a warning that the Christian tambourine company's attorneys insisted they include in the ad. Angry customers cannot claim that the tambourine is shoddy if they have been forewarned not to drop it during their Hallelujahs.

Bruce Willis Still Can't Believe He's In Movies

"What? We're finishing this trilogy now? Okay, I guess."

"If you told me 10 years ago I'd be in a movie with THE Cole Hauser, I wouldn't believe you."

"Okay, I put the hat on. You happy? Where's my paycheck?"

"Mark-Paul Gosselaar? Okay, sharing billing with Zack Morris from 'Saved By The Bell' is all you need to know about my film career now."

"Do you want me to look intense over here, or..."

"... over here? I can do both. Heck, use one each for a different movie– I don't give a shit."