EADJ Mini-Fashion Roundup

Chewbacca's Coke Zero burps stink up the Falcon.

Spiral into my crotch!

I hope her interview for greeter at a hookah bar goes well.

A Complete List of Things To Say At A Gender Reveal Party

1) "Oh! It's gonna be a boy! Congratulations!"

2) "Did you think it was going to be a boy?"

3) "Did you think it was going to be a girl?"

4)

5)

6)

7)

8)

9)

10-∞)

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Some Santas have laps you'll need to towel off before sitting in.

It's nice that Cardi B decided to go with a more candid shot of her everyday life than an artificially posed shot in a studio.

Good thing they hid that guy's eyes. Way to preserve that person's privacy.

"Well, shit. I told Tamara to meet me in the car at 2pm. I'm giving her ten more minutes in the mall, and then I'm driving away."

Yes. Associate yourself with the good, sane Kanye.

Christmas Rapping? Get it? No?

"I pledge allegiance, to the ants, at the side of the driveway at Hojo."

If there's one thing Illa Ghee doesn't abide, it's sassy backtalk on the Brooklyn Bridge.

And before Trill B knew what happened, the three lesbians made off with his gold chains.

An album cover so boring I'd probably pee elsewhere.

"Goddammit. I told Tamara to meet me at the airport at 4pm. Fine. I'll give her ten minutes till I fly to Cancun without her."

The Palpable Desperation of Safeway Brand Breakfast Cereals

"Hey, I'm a magical creature, too! And look, I've got orange triangles, purple moons, green wedges, yellow...uh...semicircles? Hey, where are you going?"

"I too am a jungle creature, but look at me using my TONGUE instead of my NOSE to find these Silly Circles (No, they're not supposed to be flies; don't be sick)!"

"Hey, you nearsighted grandpa, reach for me over here! That's it! Don't look too closely!"

"Hey, did you know? The expensive cartoon character FLINTSTONE evolved from green generic monkeys like me! And pebbles came from nuggets! It's true! Ask the Smithsonian!"

"Yarrr! Nautical theme over here! I'm not in the military but lookit all these crazy tentacles, son! Don't cry, this cereal is just as good as when your Dad had a job! :("

"I give up."

Brutal Finishing Moves of the New Mortal Kombat Game

Earlier in April, Mortal Kombat X (or MKX) was released for the PS4, Xbox One and Steam, and like its predecessors, features tons of violent finishing moves, or Fatalities.

Here is a list of the new Fatality finishing moves:

• Cassie Cage destroys Liu Kang's antivaccination rationale

• Takeda completely rips on Sonya Blade's Netflix rental history

• Kung Jin grabs Goro by the arm and tells him in private to "cool it about black people"

• Sub-Zero refuses to acknowledge Kitana at the next meet 'n greet mixer

• Kenshi doesn't deposit enough money into his and Quan Chi's joint bank account, thereby causing serious overdraft fees

• Mileena promises to pick you up at Baggage Claim but instead parks in Short Term and doesn't tell you

• Scorpion intentionally pronounces Kano's name wrong

• Johnny Cage disembowels D'Vorah, slashes her throat, and then skips out on their bar tab, leaving her to pay for everything

• Raiden starts texting to Goro, causing the gray circles in Chat by his name to show up, but doesn't end up typing anything at all, leaving Goro totally in suspense