Friday, November 28, 2008

Let's Rub Salt Along The Rim of The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Patrick Ng, "the saddest moment of an otherwise fabulous Las Vegas trip:"

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving From EADJ!

(pictured above, the kitchen on 23 at Toucan Cleric's Fun after 2 girls from PR swooped by)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dear Monica Vega From Thornberg & Forester Reps:


Project Fountain Enters Its Third Day

EADJ's Project Fountain has been a rousing success so far. Its majesty and brilliance has even been compared to Darren Aronofsky's 2006 film "The Fountain." Today we decided to up the ante by throwing in more than one new friend into the Old Bridge Deli's upstairs eating area's display.

I'm starting to think I should float a boat in that water now.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sublime Nonsense 10


EADJ Presents: Project Fountain

At the Old Bridge Deli upstairs dining area, in addition to building some seriously random business conference rooms, the owners have seen fit to decorate with a lot of random shit. I think what they're going for is rustic and oriental, but it looks like Mr. Miyagi's yard sale.

So this week we at EADJ decided to add to the randomness a little bit in something we call Project Fountain. Every day this week we will swing by the ol' fountain and drop off a new friend.

Figure 1 will be President Richard M. Nixon's disembodied head, as seen in the Fox cartoon "Futurama."

Stay tuned as the week continues to see how many new friends we can add to the fountain! Viva La Project Fountain!

Friday, November 21, 2008

The EADJ Crapcade Review of the iPhone Game "TouchBalls"

In an earlier post we had found a game on the iTunes Applications Store named "TouchBalls" and made a snarky comment about it. Well, curiosity got the better of us and we bought the two dollar game to see what the "buzz" was "all about." So here's the official Crapcade review.

Editor's Note: We were going to do a comparison review of TouchBalls with the traditional, manual counterpart, but unfortunately we ALREADY DID THAT before with April's Power Games review. We regret the lack of foresight, as this time the comparison would have actually made sense. Dammit.

TouchBalls is the brainchild of totally unknown and French-sounding game designer Bruno Genty. It was as if his French buddies had dared him to create a game based on the title alone. And in typical French joie de vivre, a certain je ne sais quoi, and even a bit of voiture de fromage, Bruno defiantly set about designing said game.

Setup: The game board looks incredibly complicated, but it's not. You've got a row of balls at the top of the screen and a little obstacle course below. And you have the choice to drop your ball on different point values, like 10. Or 10.

Gameplay: Think Connect Four meets Plinko meets not playing a fun game. You take turns with the computer dropping a ball one by one onto the game board and watch the ball land or move to another place to land. Then when all the balls have been dropped, you count the points you racked up. And the player with the highest points "wins."

"Touchballs" proved to be less fun than the iPhone calculator, the stock ticker, or even the notepad. Who knew that the title was going to be the most interesting part of the game? I'm sorry, Bruno, but your game was térrible.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

An Interview With the 4 Ladies In That Old "Haulin' Ass" Poster

Most men who grew up in the 80's remember the "Haulin' Ass" poster. Some had it hanging on their wall or basement, and some had seen it for sale at their local Spencer's Gifts Store. This enduring classic from 1986 depicting four bikini'd women in high heels standing in the bed of a truck with the caption "Haulin' Ass" has recently been inducted into the new poster archive section of the Library of Congress. EADJ tracked down the four women who posed in this perennial favorite in four retrospective interviews.

Barbara Cassidey, 40, Gym Manager
"Yeah, I remember that shoot. It was a mild August afternoon in Taylor, Michigan, which is just outside of Detroit. A good friend of mine knew the photographer and volunteered me. I thought it was for a commercial or a movie, so I got my hair and face made up. But then they told me to just show my ass. Kind of lame. The guy didn't even clean the truck."

Deborah Galveston, 43, Financial Advisor at The U.S. Department of Labor
"Shit. This is what you're interviewing me for? A 22-year old photo? Goddamn, I've moved on. I've built a fucking life and a fucking family and shit. Motherfucking poster that I never got paid for, cheap-ass asshole photographer snaps a picture of my ass, and I never hear from him again. Fuck. You know what? Fuck you. Get out."

Candace Bettermin, 39, Radio Promoter, (Deceased)
Unfortunately, Candace Bettermin passed away in 2006 from injuries sustained in an accident at a promotional event for a local radio station in Wichita, Kansas. An oversized fiberglass tooth fell on Bettermin as she was swinging from a chain below it. She was wearing the pink bikini and heels that had made her so famous.

Maya Angelou, 80, Poet and Activist
"Yes, few people realize that I was the fourth girl in that famous photo. I was 58 at that time, can you believe that? It's funny. I was in town for a book signing of my latest collection of poems, "All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes," and my agent had told me she'd scheduled an additional appearance in an alley behind a Fuddrucker's. I was hesitant but once I put on those heels, I knew it was a good thing. Why, years later, I wrote a poem about the experience. I think it was called either Welcoming The Sun Into Your Arms or Exposing My Ass In The Back Of Someone's Ford F-150. I forget which."

Copies of the "Haulin' Ass" poster are still on sale at Amazon under the title "Women In Truck," although if you look closely at the title of the webpage window, it's under the category "Kitchen & Dining."

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

EADJ Smecial Dreams Entry

From time to time EADJ asks its readers what dreams they've had lately. Here are some recent ones:

i did dream that i opened the refrigerator and there were oven knobs in there

like me, marty and brad pitt (who was telling us what to do) were like serial killers
he was our boss
i was scared

I dreamt that a quick growing rat was running through the office and every time someone spotted it, it was bigger.

Tom W:

Let's Floss The Popcorn Kernels Out From Between the Teeth of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew Gall, photos of a clown limo that was "inexplicably parked in our agency parking lot."

I'm glad the clowning industry doesn't need bailing out.

We Don't Do This Bit Anymore

A waterfront café in Washington D.C. employs the worst typeface ever.

A gift shop in Albuquerque also uses the worst typeface ever.

Monday, November 17, 2008

An Imagined Conversation.

"So Carl and Georgina, this will be the cover for our Christmas catalog."
"I like it!"
"Maybe I'm out of it, Georgina, but I don't get it. 'Give fleece a chance?'"
"Yes. It's kind of a take on the song 'Give Peace a Chance,' Carl."
"Plus it features our fleece line, which is what you wanted."
"But what does that Beatles song have to do with Christmas?"
"Holidays Carl. We just say holidays now. And it wasn't the Beatles, although McCartney and Lennon wrote it. When it was first released by the Plastic Ono Band in '69 before..."
"Plastic who?"
"Never mind. It's a play on the word 'peace,' which is a big theme during Christma... uh, holidays. Peace On Earth and all that."
"So why isn't the snowman doing a peace sign, then?"
"We didn't want to offend our conservative customers by making a 'hippie' symbol."
"What is that symbol then? Is that a 'shocker?'"
"What is a shocker?"
"Something my son picked up at school. Said it was dirty."
"No, I'm pretty sure it's either 'I love you' in sign language or 'hang loose' in Hawaiian."
"Okay, whatever. Just print it. But make sure you Photoshop the carrot to be smaller– we don't want to be labeled anti-Semitic during the Christmas holidays."
"Okay, Carl."