The ProofrEADJer: Last Day Of November Edition

For the record, they also misspelled "Struthiomimus".

The Birth and Rebirth of All Nature, / The Passing of Winter and Spring, / We Share With the Life Universal, / Rejoice in the Magical Pathmark.

Like a mis-shelved Phoenix rising from the ashes, it is becoming safer to shop in person, and the Pathmark segment has finally returned.

And these two submitted by Emily Kane:

Welcome back, frustrated stockboys!

Dear Dunkin/Baskin Robbins

Stop. Just stop.

You're trying way too hard and just embarrassing yourself. For the sake of both your brands, just stick with what you do best and leave the weird shit to the food trucks.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"I love you, Milk Cow. I'm sick of skimming through this relationship. Let's take this to whole."

(translated from Spanish) "You think you're so tough? Then prove yourself with a frontside boardslide into a 360º ollie kickflip off that rail over there. OR DIE"

"Life has really been different since I left my Slanket in the dryer for 48 hours."

"Taste anachronistic chrome chain, you Roman motherfuckers!"

"Okay, we've seen the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and had a nice lunch at Les Deux Magots. Where to next, gang?"

"Okay, Hector, I've put on my bib and I'm ready for the lobster dinner, but why are you still trying to photograph boogers in my nose?"

Let's Check In With the EADJ Dashboard Buddies!

PENGUIN!

"Uh, I'm kind of busy here. Can you call back later? Thanks & sorry."

COW!

"DUMB STUPID LEFTISTS CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT DONALD J. TRUMP IS THE GREATEST PRESIDENT THAT EVER WAS AND THEY CANNOT FACE THE FACTS!!!!!!!!!"

HIPPO!

"Are we still doing this segment? Wait. Have we ever done this segment before? No? Weird."

Kristine Johnson, Found!

We hadn't heard from our favorite news anchor Kristine Johnson in years, so it was quite the surprise that we finally have an update on her. According to EADJ correspondents at Party City, KJ is now a sexy nun at the Church of the Rising Naughty Boner.

Check back here in another 5 years for the latest Kristine Johnson updates!

The Latest Releases On The Documentary Channel

The Documentary Channel continues to offer the most compelling, most entertaining documentaries this side of factual news. And here are the latest documentaries you can bookmark but end up watching CSI reruns again:

"No: The Insurance Claim Adjusters Story"

"Michael Bay's Enactment of The Granada Invasion"

"WHA? Dumb People Ask How Basic Things Work"

"The History of Your Mother Jokes, As Presented By Your Mom"

"Jesus's Disciples: Why Only One Of Them Talked to the Paparazzi"

"DMX in the DMZ with TMZ"

"The History of Spaghetti: You Must Really Be Bored Tonight, Huh"

"I Don't Believe You Baby: The Most Underrated Line in 'Dirty Dancing'"

Unintentional Star Trek: New Recruit Announced!

 The one previous entry is here.

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Unintentional. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new fashions. To seek out new life and new garment/accessory pairings. To boldly go where no designer has gone before!

This is your captain speaking. We are proud to announce a new hire on our growing crew. I'd like all of you to meet Ensign New Age Podcaster. She's from the planet NPR and judging by her uniform, she's in operations. Although if this were the original series, she'd be Captain. Hmm. Either way, welcome Ensign!

It's Time Once Again To Say Goodbye To The Stuff That Marketers, Lazy Copywriters, and Shitty Cable News Channels Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Bye-Bye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

The ProofrEADJer: Mid November Edition

 

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"This... make... no... SENSE..."

"Charles wanted my mini waffle on a stick, but he'd have to work harder to get that."

"I TOLD YOU TO SWEEP UP THE CRUMBS IN THE KITCHEN. NOW LOOK"

"She was the one with the yellow umbrella. Which she promptly shoved into your chest."

(translated from Italian) "I don't know if I'm supposed to be a teacher or a student here, but I'm definitely violating the dress code."

"Tee hee! Communists share everything!"

"Fuck, I remember these. This used to be a HoJo."

"Did you catch that pop culture reference meant for adults?"

"Nooooo!"

"You farted. I saw how you leaned in your seat."

"Leave me alone, you relentless bullies!"

"Sorry not sorry, bitches." *shoots gun*