Random Shit That Looks Like Ninja Turtles

 And... cowabunga!

The ProofrEADJer: End of January Edition

Let's Say Goodbye To Stuff Ads Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

A Question For A Gift Card Company

Recently, I came upon some gift cards that were titled according to how they were bundled (which is a pretty good idea):

Now, I understand Game & Grub, and Pack & Go, but for the life of me I can't wrap my head around Food  & Laughs. Where are the laughs? Am I supposed to laugh at the absurdly thick Cheesecake Factory menus or laugh at the limited selections of BJ's Brewhouse Restaurant? What's funny about Red Robin or Red Lobster? Is there something at Cracker Barrel besides the godawful home decorations for sale or the backwards hillbilly clientele... oh I see. Never mind.

Spotted In An App Ad

"Pinch lips"

O Solo Pathmark

UAG

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the French Bulldog

Me: the Australian Shepherd

Hey pretty eyes! I was watching you over by the dog ramp and thought we could maybe get together without the owners. My dog walker leaves me alone at the house on Thursdays! ;)

You: the cute Cocker Spaniel

Me: the dashing Border Collie/Beagle mix

We had a moment over by the tree, making eye contact while BOTH PISSING. Classic, right? Call me!

You: the Doberman puppy

Me: the dog named Sandy

I know I don't look like a puppy, but I'm pretty young. So it won't be like I'm robbing the cradle or anything if you and I dated LOL! Anyways, you seem cute and I could show you some new sexual stuff.

You: the Japanese Chin (or Papillon?)

Me: the Brussels Griffon with the jingle bell collar

Sup pretty. Your butt smelled interesting, so I thought I'd hit you up. Let me know if you want to go to the Blur reunion show at the Hollywood Bowl in October. I got tickets.

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. Shower with me and bite on my nubble!"

"OOOWWW! Christ, you're giving me a wedgie!"

"They can see we're in the crosswalk, right? Right?..."

"See, you have to keep shooting the water stream into the clown's mouth until the balloon inflates and pops. And if you're first, you win the teddy bear."

"Nice rack, Sister."

"MUST... EAT... USHER'S BRAAAAAAINS..."

"Die, Chinaman! America will win this wa... wait a minute. You're a woman. Well, hubba hubba hubba! VaVOOM! Why don't you come over here and share a flask of scotch with me!"

"Doc says I have herpes. And I got it from Delilah, who got it from Ensign Blake, who got it from that gal Tootie, who got it from Captain Emser, who got it from YOU! Why I oughtta..."

"The Unexamined Pathmark is Not Worth Living"

New Benefits Of An AMC Stubs Rewards Membership

To get more people in their theaters, AMC has updated the membership perks you can get from their Stubs Rewards program. Here now are the latest program improvements you can enjoy if you sign up now:

• UNO reverse cards do not work on you

• Unlimited refills of hoisin sauce

• Free lumbar support pillow that reeks of cheese for some reason

• Less likelihood that our concession stand employees will spit in your face

• You can park your car in the handicapped seating area in Theatre 6 

• Purple filters for your 3D glasses so movies look shitty, 3D, and purple

• You can defecate in your popcorn bucket instead of going to the restroom

• Mandatory screening of Pixar's "Elemental"

• Free AMC-branded sweater vest (can only wear on AMC premises)

Uh... Thanks, Blogger

Pictured above, I suddenly get notices for hundreds of past EADJ posts for possibly unacceptable content. I blame Supreme Court prude and busybody Amy Coney Barrett.

Happy Friday the 13th From EADJ!

Ch ch ch ah ah ah!

Third Bullet's The Best

 No awkward small talk? I'm sold!

Whatsoever You Do To The Least of My Pathmark...

A Guess

Spotted on a banner:

I can guess with high confidence that Susan first got laid around the 90s.

Goodbye, Non-Hacky Marketing Headlines! Hello, Hacky Marketing Headlines!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! *kiss* Goodbye!