Happy New Year From Eat A Dick Joel!

2018 has been a long, miserable slog of a year. Here's to 2019 being less long!

Love, EADJ

Some Year-End Benefits For AMC Stubs Rewards Members

AMC is making moviegoing fun for the end of 2018! Here are the latest perks and pluses you can look forward to as a holder of the AMC Stubs Rewards card!

• Free 14" popcorn ball for adults

• Free refill of nasty vanilla Diet Coke

• A free pre-worn pair of velvet Stubs slippers for your feet that you'll have to return once you've finished the movie. You can't keep them.

• Free fart quilt

• Special pair of 5D glasses that let you see every frame of the movie at once from all angles

• A nice, special seat to park that fine ass of yours– whooooo girl

• Free collabo track with either Pitbull or Sia (your choice)

• Special headset for the attention-span-impaired that yells the plot of the movie in your ears

• Cabbage

• Free endangered giraffe semen for virility and energy (China AMCs only)

• If you're too tired to drive home after the movie, we will FedEx you

The ProofrEADJer: After Christmas Edition

The Secret of Getting Ahead is Getting Pathmark.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 25: "Christmas Around The Corner"

Some Hallmark movies are less movies than they are fantasy checklists. This one fulfilled the fantasies of:

☑ spending Christmas in a small town

☑ dating a rugged, emotionally distant man

☑ running a small business without the financial pressure of failing

☑ getting to decorate shit without having to take it down later

☑ being associated with books without having to read

☑ bossing people around

☑ being hailed as some goddamn hero for saving Christmas

And there are two country/city stereotypes at play here: the snobby, rude urbanite who's out of touch with people's feelings and likes to boss them around; and the pleasant but slow-witted small town bumpkins who need a savior to whip their shit into shape. And somehow they all magically become friends and toast egg nog to each other's health.

The last two movies we reviewed were pretty darn enjoyable, and I was starting to get worried that I'd end on a high note. But "Christmas Around The Corner" brought the overall average back down to reindeer turd-level. Whew!

Romance Factor: 3 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:24:26

Merry Christmas, everyone!

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 24: "No Sleep 'Til Christmas"

This was not a bad movie at all. As made-for-TV rom coms go, "No Sleep 'Til Christmas" was quite enjoyable and even made me laugh a few times. But where it DID fail was incorporating Christmas into the story. There was one scene with a Santa, and I think her original wedding was set for Christmas Day? Whatever. It would've been fine without it, and Christmas would be just fine without this entry, too.

Romance Factor: 9 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 0 out of 10

Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:24:26