Mini Doppelganger Entry!

 Submitted by Andrew Gall via text:

"Beard-braided Marshall says good morning!"

The ProofrEADJer: End of March Edition

And these from in front of an elementary school, which misspelled "families" twice:

"If You Want To See The True Measure Of A Man, Watch How He Treats His Pathmark, Not His Equals."

UAG

More Crazy From The Writers of the Crazy Conspiracy Show

Alex Jones's InfoWars head writers have leaked some upcoming stories that they're "working on". Here are their latest assaults on reality:

• Elmo isn't actually a puppet but a small illegal alien in a costume working without paying taxes

• Palm trees are actually giant microphones for the CIA. AVOID MIAMI AND LOS ANGELES

• Never trust a thin TSA agent. No further explanation is needed.

• Tucker Carlson is a decent human being who just wants what's best for this country.

• Like Starbucks and In-N-Out Burger, White Castle has a secret menu. But it's so secret that only members of the Skull Society and the Illuminati can order it once a year.

• Scientists have learned how to grow bacon on the moon. And cheese hasn't used real dairy ingredients since 1946. Truth!

“Just One Small Positive Thought in the Morning Can Change Your Whole Pathmark.”

Some Crowdfunded Projects That Just Got Greenlit

Thanks to suckers investors like you, Kickstarter has helped this entrepreneurs get these new projects off the ground and onto shelves:

• Dehydrated Cheez-Its: just add water!

• A mattress that jerks you off at different speeds. What's your sleep number?

• The Wheel™

• Laser bread slicer for geeks who don't care about the safety of their children

• Suffering-flavored Tang

• Miniature cabbage you can grow in your ear

• A high-end shoebox that can hold your high-end coupons for high-end groceries

• Another fucking device for you to keep up with

• Instagram filter that makes you look like you're not a shitty attention-seeking Instagrammer

Yes, It's Time Once Again To Say Goodbye To All The Stuff Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye! Goodbye! Bye!

UAG

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the Yorkshire Terrier with a limp

Me: the Malamute with the green leash harness

Hey, hot stuff! I noticed you looking my way over at the weird tunnel thing that no one ever enters. Wanna grab a bowl of water sometime? I'm spayed! Wink wink

You: the Balto-looking Husky

Me: the pale Golden Retriever

I know my breed catches flak for being overly friendly, but you seemed pretty cool and I thought we could hit it off over some Snausages and a fine merlot. Call me?

You: the grey pit bull terrier puppy

Me: the Dachshund puppy

IT WAS SO NICE TO MEET YOU! THE DOG PARK IS THE GREATEST!!! I THINK WE GOT ALONG GREAT!!! WE SHOULD BE BESTIES!!!! I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE MY BFFF ALREADY!!!!! SEE YOU SOON!!!!

You: Mr. Handsome showing off his new nail grind

Me: the Laso Apsa (I keep forgetting how to spell it!)

I feel like we really hit it off when you had mounted me and your owner pulled you off before you actually penetrated me. See you around, hopefully!

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Big Brother: Actual House Arrest

• Steven Seagal: Jamba Juice Manager

• Let's Flip Your Mother's House Without Her Knowing

• Marvel's Non-X-Men

• Jurassic Franchise

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• The Rookie 2: Still A Rookie

• Ice Road Unscripted Writers

• Barracuda Tank: A Not As Picky Shark Tank

• Family Guy: Only The Long Awkward Pauses

• Shit!

• Ghostdaters

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Another Installment of 'Where Are They Now?'

Riding high after her wildly successful line of mascara, petroleum heiress Bulgur Pilaf has ventured into the high-stakes world of adobe restoration in New Mexico. Her cable channel PILAF documents her latest adobe flips on the show "ADOBE FLIPS".

After sustaining an ACL injury during last week's playoffs, Minnesota Vikings running back Hobby Tumbler announced his early retirement and new role as color commentator on NFL On CBS. His wife Marble will continue being the network's "reporter on the field".

Friovio "Frio" Cling is a fictional character portrayed by Giancarlo Esposito in the crime drama series Breaking Bad and its prequel Better Call Saul.

Upcoming Episode Summaries From the Netflix Show "Charlie's Colorforms City"

Episode 1: Gabe and Hank meet the new next door Charlie, a being made of Colorforms who's on probation for an undisclosed crime.

Episode 2: Charlie teaches Gabe and Hank how to huff paint when there's no meth handy. Hank's mother is suddenly pregnant.

Episode 3: Every dog in the neighborhood goes missing. Charlie frequents a new nearby brothel.

Episode 4: Charlie's drug empire expands as he recruits Gabe and Hank as low-level lieutenants. Hank murders who he thinks is a competitor's drug mule.

Episode 5: Charlie tries to find a way to make pancakes for all his hungry friends. Star comes down from the sky to play but needs help when she gets stuck.

UAG

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up

She must be on her way to Coachella. There is no other explanation.

Kimono'ver here with that ugly coat.

She was a two-eyed, no-horned, non-flying purple people eater...

Spotted at a Jiffy Lube waiting room.

This is a completely different lady and outfit than the previous.

This guy dressed up like a Fisher Price Little Person today.

I don't know from what animal she got the green fur, but I'm outraged for it.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

"We're in an ASSteroid field!"

"My daughter likes Kristoff. Make me Kristoff."

When your Adopt A Highway supervisor turns his head.

Not sure why this is terrifying. Maybe because it looks like a toy that would kill you.

A Parental Advisory sticker on this album? HARD TO BELIEVE!

When 41 frat brothers drive by your house twice.

Stamps. Acid sheets and postage stamps are original.

This could easily be a South American kids' program.

I found another stamp!