Friday, May 29, 2009

Adriana Lima Remains Unimpressed.

Here's Eminem freestyling on the Tim Westwood Show on BBC 1 for a full 8 minutes:

Adriana Lima admits that this Enimen man has talent but thinks he gets a little repetitious and nasal. She much prefers listening to Brazilian samba, forró, or Bossa nova music.

In 2006, Chemists at Dresden's Technical University discovered carbon nanotubes in the microstructure of a 17th century Damascus sabre, revealing that medieval Muslim sword-smiths used such advanced technique in forging their swords during the Crusades.

Adriana Lima thinks she has a set of knives somewhere in her condo in the French West Indies, but her manservant Ramnaresh usually slices the limes for her poolside caipirinhas.

In 1998, Jari Kuosma of Finland and Robert Pečnik of Croatia teamed up to create the first wingsuit offered to the general public for skydiving and BASE Jumping.

Adriana Lima has never heard of such an activity. When shooting for BCBG on the peak of Pão de Açúcar in Rio, she takes a cable car or helicopter like a normal supermodel.

No Photos, Please.

Spotted in South Beach, a fair skinned maiden shelters her fair skin from the brutal bootylicious Miami sun.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Better Look

On Monday, we posted an entry that featured a bit of creative graffiti using a strip of black tape on a crossing light on 9th Street and 2nd Ave in Brooklyn (probably the work of someone from the nearby hipster hotspot The Bell House).

We shot another photo of the crossing light at night to get the full effect (Editor's Note: Sammy Hagar was added digitally after the photo was taken).

After showing this to the wife, J'Net said, "Well, at least they didn't make a middle finger." How true, J'Net. How true.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Soundtrack Review

The thing that's so wonderful about the motion picture score of the midlife relationship dramedy "Last Chance Harvey" is that it helps move the story along without stepping on the subtle performance of the cast.

Light and breezy, the compositions are short piano progressions with a layer of strings that creates an expressive yet playful background to Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson's excellent work.

Possibly the most remarkable fact about this score is that it's a first time score for former UK band Tinkersticks founder Dickon Hinchliffe who blends...Whoa. Ha ha ha ha. Is that really his name? Seriously? You're kidding, right? That's really his name? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha hahaha ha ha hahahaha.

Hahahahaha ha ha ha haha haahaha ha ha ha. *Cough* Ha hahahahah ha ha ha ha hahah hahaha hahaha hahah ha hahaha. Ha haha! HAHAHAHAHAH!

Oh Jesus. Oh, my sides. Hurts. Hah ha ha ha. Hahahahahaha. Hahahaha. Dickon Hinchliffe. Hhahahhahahahahaa. Ha ha hahahahaha! Oh, God. Where's my water.

How Not To Make A State Tourism Ad

If you ever browse through a travel or airline magazine these days, you're bound to see a tourism ad for some random state in the continental U.S. Whether it's nestled in the majestic Appalachian Mountain range or spread out over the bejeweled southwest desert sands, it's probably a state that you hadn't thought of visiting before.

The problem is, even as distinctive as a lot of these states are, their tourism ads are always the same: shitty, stilted stock photos of the same crap every other tourism ad shows. Today, EADJ examines the ingredients that make up a typical tourism ad.

Okay, so here is ad X from an American Airlines in-flight magazine. We pinked out the city and state names so you couldn't call the governor's office and make fun. Notice how the diarrhea orange/brown background color complements and even highlights the unretouched skintones. And the generic photography has been compartmentalized into a neat Bento Box, which is totally American. (Also, sorry about the pube at the top of the page. It was on the scanner.)

(click to enlarge)

Ingredient 1: Generic shopping shot. To show there's boutique-y high-end shopping. Make the shot dynamic with some brand names in the crop. Or not.

Ingredient 2) Them out-of-towners like that fancy nouveau cuisine shit. So a blurry shot of some crap piled up on a tiny plate.

Ingredient 3) Feature our terrifically popular local sports team by showing a roaring crowd at a game!

Ingredient 4) Nightlife. We need nightlife. What does that mean? Beats the hell out of me. Show the shopping area at night?

Ingredient 5) Oh, yeah. We need to feature the natural beauty of the surroundings. We don't really have a geiser or a canyon. Show the lake. Yeah, the one from the crime scene. But put a classy gold frame on it, like from Olan Mills.

Ingredient 6) Booze. Show a bunch of people yakking it up at one of our bars. But not our redneck bars, because that will scare away people. Come to think of it, none of our local bars are presentable for the ad– they all have dead animals on the walls or old men crying. Hell, just show yuppies drinking at the bar at the Hyatt. And throw some colored people in there while you're at it.

Mix in all the ingredients, and you've got yourself a bonafide tourism ad for your shitty flyover state! Now, turn 'round those "OPEN" signs and be ready to accommodate all those travelers who had no choice but to pull over for the night!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Adopt Zuko!

Found this flyer at one of those independent coffeeshops in Brooklyn where big burlap sacks full of coffee beans are stacked around the room as if it were some goddamned general store in the Wild West.

(Click to enlarge)

But what I found interesting was this sentence in the flyer:

You're damn right his name can be changed. It can be Peter. Or Wallace. Or Frederick. Or Professor Twinkles. Shit, it could even be Osama Bin PAWden, who gives a shit. The fact is, no matter what you name it, when you call it, it ain't coming. Because cats are so infuriatingly apathetic about anything but chasing tiny things and licking their fur. Hey, Osama Bin PAWden, come here and let me scratch behind your ears! Hey, come over here! Come here, boy! Over here! Come over here! I'm calling your name, Osama Bin Pawden, why won't you come? Over here, boy! Come here! Hey, over here! Come here! Come over here, Osama Bin Pawden! Here, boy! Come here! Come here, boy! Hey, come over here! Right here, boy! That's it, come over here! Osama Bin PAWden, come over here! Over here, Osama Bin PAWden! Come here! Over here! Hey! Come over here, boy! Okay, your name used to be Zuko– here Zuko! Here boy! Zuko, come over here! Let me scratch you behind your ears, Zuko! Hey Zuko! Over here!

See? Fucking cat.

Celebrity Spotting

Spotted at JFK Airport: Papa Smurf!

Or since it was a flight to Miami, Papi Smurf?

Monday, May 25, 2009


Spotted in Brooklyn...

...a crossing light altered with black tape... make rock 'n roll 'devil horns.'

Why Try Harder?

Especially in this economy.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Smelly Hole

Earlier this week, Joel was trying to find the source of a terrible stench he had detected in his apartment. He had sent his chimp servant Chad Yarborough out for groceries, so he had to search alone.

Under the sink, behind the bookshelf, nothing. Joel even emptied all the leftovers from the fridge into a large trash bag and hurled it into the dumpster across the parking lot, but the heavy smell was still in the apartment.

Only towards the end of the night, when he was brushing his tongue in the bathroom mirror, did he notice a large chunk of meat that had wedged between his back molars. He flossed it out and the 3 lb. piece of dick fell into the sink. And the bathroom started filling with flies.

So it was Joel's breath all along! He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and turned to camera as a sad trombone played.

Thanks, Telecharge.

So on top of an $8.00 service charge, Ticketma... I mean, Telecharge slaps a $5.00 "Fee Fee" on it.

I hope you catch fire in a gasoline rainstorm, you miserable Fifi fuckers.

Dumb YouTube Comment O' The Fortnight!

From V Cakes' homemade "PopLockAndDropIt" video, a comment by a MissAyari:

"yo V i got the same duvet on my bed lol"

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tracklists! Tracklists! Tracklists!

Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical soundtrack:

1) Start of Something New
2) Get'cha Head In the Game
3) What I've Been Looking For
4) What I've Been Looking For (Reprise)
5) Stick To the Status Quo
6) When There Was Me and You
7) Bop To the Top
8) Breaking Free
9) We're All In This Together
10) I Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack:

1) What Time Is It
2) Fabulous
3) Work This Out
4) You Are the Music In Me
5) I Don't Dance
6) You Are the Music In Me (Sharpay Version)
7) Gotta Go My Own Way
8) Bet On It
9) Everyday
10) All For One
11) Humuhumunukunukuapua'a

Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 3 soundtrack:

1) Now Or Never
2) Right Here, Right Now
3) I Want It All
4) Can I Have This Dance
5) A Night To Remember
6) Just Wanna Be With You
7) The Boys Are Back
8) Walk Away
9) Scream
10) Senior Year Spring Musical
11) We're All In This Together (Graduation Mix)
12) High School Musical
13) Just Getting Started

Here's the SNEAK PEEK tracklist to High School Musical 4, which coincidentally is also the same tracklist for "Onset of Putrefaction" by the death metal band Necrophagist:

1) Foul Body Autopsy
2) To Breathe In a Casket
3) Mutilate the Stillborn
4) Intestinal Incubation
5) Culinary Hyperversity
6) Advanced Corpse Tumor
7) Extreme Unction
8) Fermented Offal Discharge
9) Dismembered Self-Immolation
10) Pseudopathological Vivisection

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Introducing the EADJ Cowardly Subway Fashion Police

Combining the sense of style of a fashionista with the non-confrontational nature of a yellow-bellied coward with a digital camera, EADJ proudly brings you the Cowardly Subway Fashion Police:

"Eww. Like do all B-Boys think that Finish Line or Lids stores will suddenly pay top dollar for used baseball caps if the tags are still on it? Hellooo, you can take the stickers off, cuz nobody wants your head lice, 'kay Scooter?"

"Okay, anybody who's Catholic knows that rosaries aren't worn around the neck. See, that either makes you a dumbass, a douchebag, or Madonna from the late 80's, 'kay?"

"Tinfoil as a book cover isn't really a fashion statement, so I'll just take a pass on this one, please, 'kay?"

"Oy, mai mica! Panty hose OVER an anklet? Ay papi selarón! Qui mami ta buenos tia! Gouge my eyes out with that plastic spoon, 'kay? And then the mandals! Ay ay ay!"


(Pictured above, proof that Dunkin Donuts doesn't care)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Introducing: ClearPlay!

I found this flyer in a Methodist Church in North Carolina:

Wow, I can edit sex, violence, AND profanity on regular DVD's? Especially if I feel like the MPAA Ratings Board isn't doing a good enough job of warning me of objectionable content? You mean, I can protect my family's Christian values while still getting to enjoy "Happy Gilmore" without all the tits and swearing? Yes, worry no more with the Prudemaster9000™.

Possibly the best part of the flyer are the "customer comments:"

Click the photo to enlarge
or click here.

Gayla (not a stripper name) from Summerfield said, "I requested a filter for "Get Shorty" a while ago and was excited to see it on a new filter list. Thank you so much!"

Hey, Gayla. Uh, I hate to break it to you, but "Get Shorty" isn't all that nasty a movie. And if your kids can't handle the word "shit" or "fuck" like three times in a movie, maybe you should have to wait FOURTEEN YEARS until you can watch it. And maybe in 2025 you can enjoy its sequel, "Be Cool."

So on the ClearPlay website, they show a list of the movies that have been successfully filtered for Jesus. Amazingly, the Kirk Cameron Christian blockbuster "Fireproof" is on that list! What could possibly be on there that ClearPlay found objectionable? I guess they edited out the big cunnilingus scene. Too bad.

It does make me wonder what would happen if you tried watching "The Sopranos" or "Caligula" on that player. Maybe it would implode or shoot the DVDs at your throat. I'm just glad that "No" from "No Location" was finally allowed to watch "Daddy Day Care" without that black man's dirty mouth!