Tuesday, March 25, 2014

CSI EADJ: Season 4

Whatever mysteries are out there, whatever unsolved cases lay untouched in the cold case files, the forensics team at EADJ will piece together the evidence and get down to the bottom of things.


CASE 489576
Location: The Grand Central Terminal subway stop, NYC


CASE 489577
Location: 46th Street and Lexington, NYC


CASE 489578
Location: Downtown South Orange, NJ

Friday, March 21, 2014

New York. The Most Exciting City In The World

Spotted on the 7 train, some guy is bringing the cups, and he TOTALLY has it covered, y'all.

Previous entries of this segment can be seen herehere and here.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

And Now, Cement Bird's Spring Cleaning Tips

Cement Bird, as you may remember, can only communicate via shitty email FWDs:

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Ramblings of a Retired Mind

  • I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can’t afford one.  So, I’m  wearing my garage door opener.
  • I also made a cover for my  hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
  • You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.
  • I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
  • I thought about  making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it ‘Pumping Rust’.
  • I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease.  That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!
  • When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’  Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’
  • Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.  I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!
  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.  Then, it dawned on me.  They were cramming for their finals.
  • As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.
  • Enjoy Your Days  & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be savored.
  • Gentle Thoughts for  Today -
  • Birds of a feather  flock together . . . .and  then poop on your car.
  • A penny saved is a government oversight.
  • The older you get,  the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..
  • Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
  • Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
  • When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
  • One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
  • Lord, Keep your arm  around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth .
  • . … AMEN


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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Let's Douse The EADJ Mail Sack With Plenty Of Mineral Spirits!

Submitted by JOEL HIMSELF, a clip from "Archer" where the words "Eat a dick, jungle" are actually spoken. EADJ.

To assume that the writers of "Archer" read this blog is about as presumptuous as assuming that CBS 2 News' Lonnie Quinn reads this blog. Which he does.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You: "Avalanche Sharks!"

Hot on the "success" of the Asylum's straight-to-video movie "Sharknado," some studio named Titan releases their own preposterous disaster movie with "Avalanche Sharks." It's interesting to note that Titan executives decided to abandon the shark/weather formula for a shark/natural disaster storyline. It's taking these type of wild risks that make a Hollywood studio so bleeding edge and a nurturing garden for originality.

Here's the trailer for the thing:

And once again, EADJ offers their tagline services for the movie poster: