Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs How He's Holding Up

"Th... thanks for asking... *guh* I'm good... (gasp) can't complai..." *neck snaps*

Get Ready For More Shitty Movie Slogan Entries

New shark-related crisis. Same preposterous shark-to-human proportions.  Same shockingly bad CGI. Meet "Shark Exorcist!"

Watch this space for more terrible puns and utterly appropriate movie taglines.

UAG

New York. The Most Exciting City In The World.

Pictured below, a vendor at Penn Station checks to see if he has enough Zagnuts.

The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents "KAW!" TOMMED!

As if we haven't already done enough with the Crappinema review and the Crappinuum, our Midtown correspondent Tom Weingard has volunteered to post his takes on this movie (which I must inform you, he DID watch in its entirety). EADJ is happy to present TOMMED:

"KAW!" Oh snap, you've been TOMMED!

KAW! Finds Its Perch On the EADJ Crappinuum

"KAW!" was the 27th(!) awful film reviewed on the EADJ Crappinema, which is fitting since 27 is not a special number, and this movie sure as shit wasn't, either.

Our initial fears that "KAW!" would simply be "Vipers" with wings were thankfully put to rest- "KAW!" managed to be awful and unenjoyable on its own terms. I'm just glad I didn't lose all of the screenshots and have to watch that damn movie twice.

Click to enlarge:

Oh, yeah. Still trying to bug Tom Weingard about his review of this film. Remind me to remind him.

EADJ Proudly Presents "KAW!"

"KAW!" (We know it doesn't have an exclamation point, but we like putting one in there) took everything you liked about Hitchcock's "The Birds" and everything you liked about "Boondock Saints," then chucked that and put together what was left into a middling sub-average horror movie.

Killer crows. That's about as fun, simple and telegraphic a concept as you're ever going to get in Hollywood. But I believe the reason why this movie fails is that it overreaches its genre boundaries, trying to make a huge important statement of the dangers of tampering with nature, attributing the crows' murderous behavior to Mad Cow Disease (yes, I'm serious) and generally just bumming the viewer out. And where are the scarecrow jokes? Fucking lighten up, anonymous director!

Anyways, here's the crow's crap of a movie for your enjoyment: 

Overall grade: F


Stay tuned for the Tom Weingard-ized version of this review!