The EADJ Fashion Round-Up

It's important that your pleather pants match your pleather bag when traveling.

Nothing evokes the spirit of the Caribbean islands quite like Panda Express.

Remember when people used to dress up to fly on an airplane? She doesn't.

A tie-dye pattern that swirls right into ol' Vag Valley.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Triggered Old Man

Pictured below, a set of patterns on DeviantArt that somehow thinks the 90's looked like the 50's or parts of the 80's.

Here's another unrelated one for a murder-party-in-a-box, with the same damn anachronistic problem:

Kids these days!

"Success is a Pathmark, Not a Destination."

The ProofrEADJer, End of February Edition

An Imagined Conversation

"Hey Bruce!"

"No autographs, please. I'm having dinner."

"No, no. It's not that, Bruce. It's me, Chad Michael Murray?"

"Who?"

"LOL. I was your co-star in that movie we just filmed. Remember?"

"Kid, I've filmed a lot of movies."

"Yeah, but this one we just filmed. It was that crime thriller? Survive the..."

"Riot? Survive the Riot?"

"Huh? No. It's the one where we're in a hostage situation and you play my dad."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"We both shot guns in that movie, I think."

"..."

"Look, Bruce. Whatever it was titled– we spent 3 weeks filming in Vancouver, remember? And you stayed in your trailer most of the time until cameras were rolling and you didn't talk to anybody and just delivered your lines and skipped the wrap party and called me Charles even though we just filmed the same type exact movie last year?"

"Oh yeah. Chad, right?"

Are You Shitting Me?

An actual ad on Facebook uses footage of climbing Jan. 6 rioters to advertise some shitty grip trainers. Fuck you Facebook, and fuck you Gripzilla!

The ProofrEADJer, Mid-February Edition

Some Upcoming Conspiracy Theories From InfoWars

 

Hey, you're stupid, right? So that means you probably listen to Alex Jones over at InfoWars and buy into whatever dumb, peremptory conspiracy narrative he vomits into the airwaves. If so, you're in luck! Because the head writers at InfoWars have deigned to share with EADJ some of their upcoming storylines. Enjoy!

• Everyone working at PetSmart is actually a pet for the real owners of the company, THE LIZARD PEOPLE

• When you say "bless you" to someone who sneezes, what you're really doing is an incantation spell to invoke Azathoth, ruler of the Outer Gods!

• 01000101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100010 01110010 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101

• Minnie Mouse is really just Mickey Mouse from another timeline in drag

• Donald Duck is really just Daisy Duck from the future in drag

• City sewer workers tag your poop and give the information to the census to calculate how much corn you eat

• Scott Baio has been blacklisted from Hollywood not because of his political views but because he still parts his hair down the center

• Monsanto has engineered a seed that cannot grow into anything. It looks remarkably like a rock.

• The Portuguese moon base is falling apart, but you haven't heard about it because Portugal's NASA controls everything past the Earth's atmosphere

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

I'm just kidding. I love Greta and support what she's doing.

You can donate here to Oil Change International, a charity she supports that exposes the true costs of fossil fuels and facilitates the ongoing transition to clean energy. I did!

Cool New Unlockable Perks of the Xbox 2021 Game Pass

 

Hey all you rad gamers! Xbox is thrilled to announce the latest Game Pass updates, so if you're not a XBGP subscriber yet, join now and get these fantastic membership perks:

• Free out of style Xbox Game Pass trucker hat

• Free online tutorial telling you the difference between "there", "they're", and "their" for online chat!

• Ability to trade in your V-Bucks or Robux for jewels, gems or Stanley nickels

• Free girlfriend or boyfriend (1 month trial only)

• Phone call with old gamer who can tell you all about "Battletoads" and how it was the shit back when

• Free mandatory download of U2's "Songs of Innocence"

• Ability to make fun of people without the 2021 Xbox Game Pass

• 6 month Ghetto Pass

• Lifetime supply of expired Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupons

• +5000 free followers on Twitch

• Free Lara Croft bra

• Date with PewDiePie (must be super-hot)

• Free worthless skin for any game that you never play anymore

Start 'Em Young, I Guess?

 Found on FB:

Summaries of Upcoming Episodes of TNT's Crime Drama "The Closer"

Up to now, TNT has been hush-hush about the next season of "The Handler"- I mean "The Closer", but lucky for us mega-fans they've leaked the plot summaries of 6 upcoming episodes! Here now are the storylines to look forward to in Season 8 this Fall:

S8E01: "Gaslitted"

Sybil discovers that someone in the Evidence Department has stolen a gas card and used it to buy $300 worth of premium gas when it would have been so much smarter to buy regular unleaded and not be so obvious about it.

S8E02 "Dingleburied"

Hoffman shits his pants in the briefing room and the entire episode shows him slowly making his way to the door.

S8E03 "A Christmas Carol"

Nah. Just kidding.

S8E04 "Hung Up To Dry"

Grace and Culligan collect clues about a rumored baby mill. Meanwhile, a sex worker tells Danny about a dead body she found in the rafters. Co-starring Benjamin Blankenship as "Cory".

S8E05 "Fuck Your Feelings"

Donovan and Kaylee reveal their feelings for each other during a heated session of good cop/bad cop. The widow of a murder victim discovers a hidden cache of foreign jewels. There is a new vending machine in the break room.

S8E06 "Tits and Jujubes"

Hammond gets caught moonlighting as a steakhouse greeter. Chief Jasmine cheats on Vivian and feels guilty. A protest turns into a riot and some people get inconvenienced.

Catch these episodes and more on TNT starting November 30!

Join Us As We Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye-bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye!

The ProofrEADJer, Second Week of February Edition

Remember Always Your End, and That Lost Time Does Not Pathmark.