Y'all, Let's Say Goodbye To More Stuff In Advertising!

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"I love you, Milk Cow. I'm sick of skimming through this relationship. Let's take this to whole."

(translated from Spanish) "You think you're so tough? Then prove yourself with a frontside boardslide into a 360º ollie kickflip off that rail over there. OR DIE"

"Life has really been different since I left my Slanket in the dryer for 48 hours."

"Taste anachronistic chrome chain, you Roman motherfuckers!"

"Okay, we've seen the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and had a nice lunch at Les Deux Magots. Where to next, gang?"

"Okay, Hector, I've put on my bib and I'm ready for the lobster dinner, but why are you still trying to photograph boogers in my nose?"

The ProofrEADJer, March Partly-Video Game Edition

The next three from a mobile game called "Beyond The Dead:"

From an in-game sign in Portal 2:

It's Time Once Again To Play: Which Can, Erickson? Special MUST SEE TV Edition

Match the toilet location below with the title of a successful television series that people keep tell me I should watch because it's great but I haven't gotten around to watching (and probably won't):

TAV Istanbul Atatürk Airport, Turkey

Walmart, Eagle Rock, Pennsylvania

Shadowbrook Reception Hall, Shrewsbury, New Jersey

Core Club, NYC

Arclight Theatre, Los Angeles, California

National Marionette Theatre, Prague, Czech Republic

Canyon Club, Agoura Hills, California

Buddakan, NYC

Answers will be posted on Monday. So suck on that for the weekend.

Blackberry Face, Celebrity Lookalike Edition

This week, the EADJ Gallery was notified of a possible addition (or additions) to their vaunted "Blackberry Face" collection, now currently on display at the Serpentine Gallery in London.  The items in question were captured on a NJ Transit train and sent in with the heading "Kevin Bacon Blackberry Face?" See the entries below:

The resemblance is noticeable. And our gallery has confirmed that yes, the lookalike is sporting a true "Blackberry Face."

But as impressive and exquisite as this latest find is, the EADJ Gallery unfortunately cannot add "Kevin*" to their collection solely based upon its resemblance to a Hollywood actor. Although such an addition would invite stimulating new commentary on the entertainment industry and its role in pop culture, that is not the purpose of the Blackberry Face show. It is to the discretion of the gallery curators whether a piece is worthy of inclusion in this growing collection, and unfortunately "Kevin*" does not make the cut.

The current show at the Serpentine Gallery in London will run until April 18. Tickets are £10 (£5 for members) and can be purchased online or at the box office. Children under 5 are free but must be accompanied by an adult. No strollers.

:C

A Disturbing Hobby Store Find

Plastic model kit company Moebius offers not only expensive and highly detailed licensed monster kits but also your more basic, generic cheapo sets. 

These "Monster Scenes" are old school throwback scenes complete with mad scientists and torture devices. Harmless fun, right? Right.

They also, however, offer The Victim, a generic damsel in Daisy Dukes who can either be shown running away from a lurching monster or be tortured by the The Pendulum or The Hanging Cage or The Pain Parlor. I guess this is for children who can't steal their sister's Barbies.

If you're a budding serial killer, no assembly necessary. Just steal some ketchup packets from Hardee's and you're golden.

 Only "1 frightened expression?" I guess the bored or annoyed expressions weren't selling as well.



Here are some alternate, less violent scenarios for the Victim:

• accusing the valet of dinging her 1998 RAV4

• telling the manager that she's getting bad service after not getting the check for 6 minutes
• complaining to the admissions officer that she got waitlisted because she's Hispanic
• saying the power company is singling her out although it's clear her entire block is without service
• not shredding her credit card junk mail and being surprised that someone stole her identity
• saying the press won't stop harping about how bad a mother she's been to Lindsay Lohan
• bitching about how "The Dark Knight Rises" isn't entirely in the IMAX format
• loudly sighing about having a middle seat on the plane even though she booked the ticket late
• insisting that any assault weapon control legislation is automatically infringing on HER rights
• feeling betrayed by George Lucas
• blaming her fat thighs on her incompetent Zumba instructor
• saying her boyfriend cheating on her isn't the same as her cheating on her boyfriend because she had more "emotional" reasons
• attributing her racism to her racist grandfather who never lived with her
• bitching about H&M's return policy requiring a receipt

The Dumbest Things For Sale At The Salem Witch Museum

So last week I was in Boston, and I had a chance to visit the Witch Museum in Salem, Massachusetts.

At the end of the shitty tour, of course there was a gift shop, replete with witch paraphernalia: witch hats, witch t-shirts, brooms, noses, black cat figurines, etc. etc. etc.:


But in addtition to these tchotchkes, I found a series of totally random, unrelated merchandise:




Come to think of it, Kanye West does make absolutely perfect sense.

Introducing: ClearPlay!

I found this flyer in a Methodist Church in North Carolina:


Wow, I can edit sex, violence, AND profanity on regular DVD's? Especially if I feel like the MPAA Ratings Board isn't doing a good enough job of warning me of objectionable content? You mean, I can protect my family's Christian values while still getting to enjoy "Happy Gilmore" without all the tits and swearing? Yes, worry no more with the Prudemaster9000™.

Possibly the best part of the flyer are the "customer comments:"

Click the photo to enlarge or click here.


Gayla (not a stripper name) from Summerfield said, "I requested a filter for "Get Shorty" a while ago and was excited to see it on a new filter list. Thank you so much!"

Hey, Gayla. Uh, I hate to break it to you, but "Get Shorty" isn't all that nasty a movie. And if your kids can't handle the word "shit" or "fuck" like three times in a movie, maybe you should have to wait FOURTEEN YEARS until you can watch it. And maybe in 2025 you can enjoy its sequel, "Be Cool."

So on the ClearPlay website, they show a list of the movies that have been successfully filtered for Jesus. Amazingly, the Kirk Cameron Christian blockbuster "Fireproof" is on that list! What could possibly be on there that ClearPlay found objectionable? I guess they edited out the big cunnilingus scene. Too bad.


It does make me wonder what would happen if you tried watching "The Sopranos" or "Caligula" on that player. Maybe it would implode or shoot the DVDs at your throat. I'm just glad that "No" from "No Location" was finally allowed to watch "Daddy Day Care" without that black man's dirty mouth!