A Deli's Infuriating Lack Of A Line

You walk into a South Orange deli and you see this scattershot bullshit of people kind of in line and others standing near where the line is, but you have no idea who has ordered already. How can you tell? 

Today we break down what everyone in this deli was up to:

1) Couple was CLEARLY ORDERING. We know that. Good.

2) Guy was standing off to the side, NOT behind the couple, so he's probably ordered already or is a DoorDasher waiting for a takeout order.

3) Top knot lady is sort of in line but not directly behind the others. So of all these people, she's the one that you really can't tell whether she's ordered or knot.

4) Guy just facing the area from afar has probably NOT ordered yet but hasn't taken the initiative to get in a REAL FUCKING LINE.

So frustrating trying to read this amorphous crowd. How do you New Yorkers in bodegas do it?

EADJ Fashion Round-Up, Crosswalk Catwalk Edition

Gabby stayed up late at night and captured and skinned the Monsters Inc. monster that came out of her closet. The results are a breezy and fabulous hooded coat.

Selma shows off a bold wide brimmed hat and a baggy sleeved ensemble with a messenger bag, although I'm not 100% certain that's not a mannequin that a CVS employee is setting up.

The problem with NPCs in video games is that they're dressed so basic and matchy that it's easy to tell they're not real.

Three stripes, three stripes, MANY stripes. Adidas explosion!

Deandra shows off her armchair upholstering top and skirt made of crinoline or taffeta or whatever...

TULLE! It's called tulle!

An Imagined Conversation

"Can we park here?"

"I dunno. What day is it?"

"It's Friday."

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"Hmmmm."

.....

"No."

I Am Not A Smart Man.

Spotted in New York:

For a second, I asked myself, What is a WICAN SODA?

🤦

The Answers To Yesterday's Which Can, Cleric's Bun

Did you get them all?

Remembering Sept 11

EADJ is seeing a lot less of twin towers in city clip art as years go by, but we remember.

The Triumphant Return of Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster

Back in May, I attended a wedding at NYC and got properly shitrocked.

And whilst drunk, I had the presence of mind to write a few Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster entries. Here they are now, copied from my phone and unedited:

You show up at a ranch decided type place and then you decide that somehow the big gigantic lobster giant lobster thing is going to get you. Then you realize you’ve had the power to defeat it all along. And then you think hey, this is just like one of those things that makes it like lobster fest at red lobster at red lobster time stop.

You’re caught in pretty much a sling type hammock device but you realize that the only way to get out of it, is to order more lobster. And when you order more lobster, you realize that is so delicious, they don’t realize or care, they were in this type of position. That’s one way, to realize that you’re in the lobster fest at red lobster daikon pop

You wearing 24 silver skirt type vans types of shit so then you realize that just because it’s happening you don’t really know what you’re doing, what is this. You got it but then what is going on,? That’s when you realize, that hot legs in a short skirt is nothing match for lobster fest at red lobster.

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up

She must be on her way to Coachella. There is no other explanation.

Kimono'ver here with that ugly coat.

She was a two-eyed, no-horned, non-flying purple people eater...

Spotted at a Jiffy Lube waiting room.

This is a completely different lady and outfit than the previous.

This guy dressed up like a Fisher Price Little Person today.

I don't know from what animal she got the green fur, but I'm outraged for it.

The Triumphant Return of Mysterious Puddles of NYC, Identified by Pantone Number

After over a year hiatus, the EADJ Pantone team have hit the streets of New York again to document and name all the wonderful, mysterious splotches and puddles of stank that are found around town:

A Racist Appliances Quick Take

 Other, more fleshed out Racist Appliances entries can be found here.

Edit: Okay, okay. Apparently I made the exact same joke here, and it was only LAST YEAR that I did it.

I'll let it stand just for the hell of it, but trust we will start QUALITY CONTROLLING this blog again sometime in the near future. Apologies.

They're Still Around

I took these photos around NYC before the lockdown—and some of these were maybe featured before—but it's still oddly comforting to see:

And More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

Previous installments of this stupid segment are here.

Program note: Although Pantone is still commonly used throughout the publishing and marketing industry, we have added HEX numbers for digital applications and for millennials who have never heard of Pantone fans.

Update: We just realized that using the symbol "#" doesn't translate as "number" to millennials, so now they're all going to be confused, checking Instagram for trending hashtags, #Jeez

Program Note

Blogging doesn't suck today.

The Answers To Yesterday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

How'd you do? Who cares?

It's Time Again To Play "Which Can, Erickson?"

Match the above unknown toilets with the following locations:

1. Sea life Michigan Aquarium, Auburn Hills, Michigan

2. Museum of Math, NYC

3. Ramen Wasabi, Chicago

4. Lambert Seafood, Greenbelt, MD

5. Estero Cafe, Valley Ford, CA

6. Disney Contemporary Hotel, Orlando, FLA

The answers will be revealed tomorrow!

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 25: "Christmas Around The Corner"

Some Hallmark movies are less movies than they are fantasy checklists. This one fulfilled the fantasies of:

☑ spending Christmas in a small town

☑ dating a rugged, emotionally distant man

☑ running a small business without the financial pressure of failing

☑ getting to decorate shit without having to take it down later

☑ being associated with books without having to read

☑ bossing people around

☑ being hailed as some goddamn hero for saving Christmas

And there are two country/city stereotypes at play here: the snobby, rude urbanite who's out of touch with people's feelings and likes to boss them around; and the pleasant but slow-witted small town bumpkins who need a savior to whip their shit into shape. And somehow they all magically become friends and toast egg nog to each other's health.

The last two movies we reviewed were pretty darn enjoyable, and I was starting to get worried that I'd end on a high note. But "Christmas Around The Corner" brought the overall average back down to reindeer turd-level. Whew!

Romance Factor: 3 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:24:26

Merry Christmas, everyone!