Joel owes dick.

Experian, Equifax and Transunion tried to contact Joel regarding his terrible credit score. All three credit report companies usually take an impartial, hands-off approach with individuals' scores, but Joel's shockingly low score has melted their stone-cold hearts and moved them to try to help him.

It all began when Joel promised to pay some Honduran dude to eat his dick. Months went by and the Honduran dude kept on asking Joel to pay up, but Joel never returned his calls. Instead, he started eating other Honduran dudes' dicks, offering them money for the pleasure and leaving a trail of IOU's. As luck would have it, most of those Honduran dudes work for a very powerful collection agency in Tegucigalpa. The collection agency, unfortunately named El No Payo Uppo Y Ruin Yo Credito Scoro, tried many, many times to collect from Joel, but he just laughed it off or told them they had the wrong number.

Fast forward 3 years to today. Joel's credit score is somewhere below 320. He cannot borrow from the bank now to build his "dream house with a dick-eating grotto." He is refused a New Releases rental at every Blockbuster store, and most bait shops demand payment up front from him.

EADJ is sad to report that Joel now refuses to return any phone calls from Experian, Equifax, and Transunion, even though they've been leaving messages on his machine that say they're desperately worried about him.

Attention Joel: STOP EATING DICK AND ANSWER THE PHONE. We're all worried about your debts (even though none of us will lend you that fiver you keep asking for).

(pictured above, Matt Spett enlists the help of a Best Buy employee to fix his computer)