"In The Nude," Part 2 of an ongoing series

(The following is the second entry of a new occasional series by guest writer Joe Nudelman – don't laugh.)

"Avalanches Blow"

Avalanches: The Very Loud Killer… The Distinctly Audible Killer… okay… The Ridiculously Loud Killer. Screaming is often met with the unspeakable experience of withstanding the wrath of the mountains. As scary as such an occurrence may be, screaming at the horrific sight will only inspire more deadly, snow covered, carnage to rain upon your otherwise totally awesome Spring Break party weekend with totally hot babes skiing in two pieces for apparently no reason, and you’ve got to out-ski the opposing camp for rule of the slopes!

Avalanches have claimed 484 fatalities upon the American populous since 1985, these natural disasters are not to be confused with the recording artist ‘The Avalanches’ (note the ‘s’ denoting plural). These guys are totally decent musicians, if you like that sort of thing.

Now come on, 484 fatalities is nothing. 484!? Please. I’ve racked up at least 539 on Mortal Kombat. Granted those are compounded numbers following the entirety of the video game series, and greatly serve as evidence of an otherwise unfulfilling childhood. But nonetheless those numbers still impress. What is even more is that Mortal Kombat SUCKED! I mean seriously, why would you play a 2D fighting game where you have to press a stupid button to block? Really!?

Street Fighter was a WAAAAY better series, that kicked as much ass as Blanka beating the crap out of Chun-Li (I remember her being a lot hotter)

No stupid buttons for blocking in this game, just hold the back direction. The game series was also a whole lot better than that stupid movie, which will unfortunately stand forever as the last work of totally decent actor Raul Julia.

In short, Avalanches may SEEM big and scary, but don’t fret too much. I’m really good at video games and Avalanches don’t scare me a lick.

Catch y’all on the flip! –Joe Nudelman