Eleven Dollar Salad!

Joel took some time out of his busy schedule today to actually answer some old Civil War love letters. Here are a couple:

(Letter from Sallie Seeper Scott of Lower Chanceford, PA to Robert Bennett, Chief Carpenter Shop in Washington, D.C.)

April the 16
Good Morning My dear friend
this is quite a pleasant morning
I almost forgot to tell you that
I got a letter about 2 week ago
forwarded from the president A
Lincoln but the next one he sends
to me he had beter not get you
to write it + I won't be so sure to
know that it came from you my
Dearest friend + only lover + loveing
Bob well I think I will haft to
draw my leter to a close for the present
time by telling you to write soon all
at presant from your kind friend
Sallie S. Scott to
Robert Barnett you said that you
wanted me to send you a stamp or
thats what I took it to be from the
way you had it speld I havent any
3 cts ones but will send you all the
one cent ones that I have at this time
I forgot the old hors he is doing well
only there is someting rong with his neck
so he cant put his hed down to drink
Sallie Seeper Robert James write soon

Dear Sallie,
Spelling! It's obviously your poor public education that got you to misspell "loving" so consistently. Pennsylvania blows. But it's finally good to hear from you. The mail service has been so inconsistent since the battle of Hanover. Maybe Fedex next time? And don't worry about the stamps, just email me– not my AOL, cuz I'm closing that one. Try my gmail instead! LOL!

Kisses,
Joel

ps. If Blackie can't lower his head, just pour some water into his feedbag. Or set a bowl on the top of the chiffarobe for him to drink.



(Letter from an unknown soldier writing from Nashville, Tennessee, to his friend Ettie.)

Nashville Tenn Jany 5th 64

Friend Ettie

I believe I am not indebted to you by way of letter, but for your kindness to me I will write you a few lines. It is quite cool Weather here now and some snow upon the ground but not enough to make sleighing. I wish I wish I were in Hillsdale today I think I would call around to friend Ettie and go out a Sleighing. Soon I am agoing to settle down and get married.

What a novel Idea that is, perhaps you will not believe it but I am not joking. I am not quite an old Bach yet but I fear I will be before long.

If you know of some good looking amiable young Lady that wish to change her situation in life, just mention the fact to her, and tell her there is a Soldier in the Army that wishes to marry in less than two years after his time expires in the Army.

I am yours
verry truly
xxxxx


Dear Unknown Soldier Dude,

You can't beat around the bush like that, man. Just frickin' ASK HER TO MARRY YOU! You obviously are trying the "hanging out until you become more than friends" angle, which believe me, is so not worth it. I once hung out with this chick who works at Borders Café, listening to her blab on and on about Ya-Ya Sisterhood and whatnot, and a month into it, she told me she thought I was dateable UNTIL we started hanging out so much. Fucking A! Bitches, man.

Joel

p.s. Sleighing?! That's such tourist crap, dude. You end up smelling horse butthole for 40 minutes. Take Ettie somewhere awesome like In N' Out Burger. Excelsior!

(pictured above, Brad helps himself to some brown)