Frito-Lay Has Hit a Wall

Hot Mustard

Tangly Pickle

Tangy Ketchup

It sure seems like Frito-Lay Co. has run out of flavor ideas and has just raided a hot dog stand condiment area. You okay, PepsiCo? You ready to announce Dorito flavored Doritos? New unsalted-then-resalted Doritos? Doritos for Women?

UAG

UAG

It's The Great Pathmark, Charlie Brown!

The Latest Info Wars Conspiracy Drafts

Alex Whatshishead and his Info Wars staff have lost the show, lost their YouTube channel, podcast and are barred from even holding a meeting in a public park, but that hasn't stopped them from cooking up some exciting new right wing conspiracies for you to spread on your nationalist webring site. Here are their latest kooky conspiracies:

• ISIS has purchased both Sears and K-Mart and are planning to launch a new Muslim big box store with scary greeters.

• If you combine the chemical elements Holmium (HO) and Molybdenum (MO), you can cause an explosion that makes you gay (HOMO).

• The entire Obama administration was an elaborate Deep Fake video, created by ILM and a child's drawing of a skinny black man.

• Roseanne's show was canceled because she knew too much about the television Nielsen Ratings scam perpetuated by carnival workers and garden pixies.

• The ShamWow doesn't work, and the fact that it had the word "sham" in its name only goes to show you how far the Demoncrats will go to sell you Satan's evil non-absorbent micro-cloths.

• Fact: No one was ever looking for Lionel Richie to begin with!

The ProofrEADJer, Second Week of September Edition

Who will win a rose in the next episode of "The Bagelor"?

You gots ta "CHILLD"

More Shark Avalanche or Avalanche Shark Movie Poster Taglines Or Whatever

Two EADJ Crappinema Alumni Updates

Any of the twenty or so movies that's had the misfortune of being reviewed on the EADJ Crappinema still holds a special place in our hearts, long after we've given it a cinematic ass-whipping. Such is the case for two past movie gems:

You can read the EADJ Crappinema review of "Happy The Littlest Bunny" here and the review of "Unbeatable Harold" here.

And the upcoming review of "Frankenhood" is still a work in progress. Soon.

Answers To Friday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

With the answers typeset in beautiful boiled lobster orange:

A Peek Into the Mind of Bill Dow

Let's Throw the EADJ Mail Sack in the Washing Machine Even Though It Clearly Says "Dry Clean Only!"

Submitted by Beth Stone, some seriously pandering advertising from Pepsi, spotted in Boston over the weekend:

A Short List of Things I JUST Got Now.

• Peter Wolf, singer of the 80's hit song "Lights Out," was the lead singer of the J.Geils Band! I thought his voice sounded familiar. Weird!

• Allman and Woman, 1977


Shit, I just realized this was a play on the words "All Man and Woman" and not just calling Cher "Woman." I didn't catch that connection at age 7. I was just confused why Cher was cheating on Sonny.

• That first Hulk movie was terrible.


I had let my admiration for Ang Lee cloud my judgment there. The fact that at one point there was a giant, rabid poodle jumping from limb to limb in a redwood forest didn't tip it off for me. The new one is pretty cohesive if slow in places. Definitely better.

Dammit

Another two 5-letter words I wasn't psyched about seeing together.

A Gross Mystery. Part 2: Gross Harder

As of this writing, those nasty finger or toenails are still on Beth's office floor.


For comparison's sake, here's Lorraine's nails:


And an attempt was made at a meeting to capture Beth's. This proved very challenging because Beth talks with her hands all the time. Annoying.


But we finally got a shot.


Joanne (not pictured yet) thinks somebody came in and clipped their nails in Beth's office. Others (me) think Beth did. Tom has a third theory:

"They might have been there since she moved in, depending on how often they vacuum around here."

To further add to the confusion, here's a picture of an apple in the toilet:


What do you think, faithful EADJ reader?

**Sort of update**

Tom: "i just went up to bstone's and realized it would be weird for her to clip her nails in her office's guest chair, thus all but ruling out beth as a possible suspect"

No one's in the office.

But to prove our commitment to you, our beloved obsessed reader, we're posting an entry anyways.

Joel eats dick! There!

(pictured above, the difference between an A cup and a D cup: a nerf football)