Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Periodically, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• The 72 hour Zack Snyder Justice League Extended This Is The Real Version Version

• Cassie & Her Lint Roller

• A Wild, Hilarious Road Trip With Romanian Prime Minister Nicolae Ciucă

• 2 Hours of Chris Hemsworth Manscaping

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Mennonite Glory Hole

• Sanka! The Musical

• Roomba Pimps

• Biker Flower Arranging

• Football Playoff Games That Won't Count

UAG

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

I really have nothing to say about this cover. It's perfect, really.

I get it. It's a cover for Ant Clemons's "4Play", but those four plays in a row looks like you're supposed to really fast-forward through it.

Something something money something everywhere?

I do kind of respect how they just photoshopped some dude's face onto a Tecmo Bowl cartridge and called it a day.

It's hard to tell sometimes if the bitchez are all over you just because you're wearing 9 platinum chains or because it's you.

I hear you, Top Knot. I know the feeling.

Boring clip art looks like it belongs on the side of a fountain soda cup.

Oh dear.

Spotted On A Package of Treadmill Lubricant

"Fitness is the fairest thing in the world. How much to pay. How much to gain!"

How true those words are, Belarusian manufacturer of treadmill lubricant. How true they are.

UAG

God Don't Make No Racist Appliances

It's The Alex Jones Dumbshit Conspiracy Preview Extravaganza!

InfoWars continues its war on info as Alex Jones's staff of writers create brand new unverifiable conspiracies for him to hoarsely vomit on air. Here now are stories you can expect to see in the coming month:

• Auntie Anne is a lesbian and makes pretzels because it arouses her to twist things into knots, wink wink

• Spirit Airlines charges an extra "saved soul tax" if you're a Christian

• It must really be a bummer to be in the team that forms Voltron but only be like the left leg. How boring would that be? (not really a conspiracy, but something to think about)

• If you bowl a perfect 300 at your local bowling alley, the manager is required to send your name to the FBI to flag as a possible "bowling insurgent"

• Men who wear muttonchops are part of a secret society that drink from steins and ride recumbent bicycles. The group is called "The Embarrassing Uncles".

• If you ever find a woman's G-spot, she is required to send your name to the FBI as a possible "Female Body Inspector"

UAG

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Defrost Your Freezer

 Whether you have an older or newer model of refrigerator and freezer, it's always a good idea to keep your freezer clear of frost. Not only can regular maintenance keep your freezer at peak performance, it can also give you room to store more food. Here are the simple steps to easily defrost a freezer:

1) Prepare the area around your fridge/freezer with towels that you don't mind getting a little dirty

2) Unplug your appliance, leave the door open and wait for the ice to melt on its own.

3) If you want to expedite the melting process, you can put a fan near your freezer to help it defrost.

And that's it! Plug your fridge/freezer back in, clean up the area, and you're ready to start using it again!

And speaking of cleaning up, I once drove a group fraternity brothers and a group of sorority sisters separately to a Greek event. And you know what? The sorority sisters were WAY messier, leaving the interior soaking wet with beer and with the floor littered with empties. Some people!

Well, at least they weren't driving drunk. Stay safe, kids!

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The too-cool-for-school Sheltie, walking around the main playground rather than running through it

Me: The half Boxer/Collie who had sniffed your butt already at the entrance but wanted to sniff more

Call me when you want to get together. No, wait. Neither of us have phones. :(

--------------

You: The yappy Chihuahua 

Me: The yappy Pomeranian 

Hey dude you seem pretty cool dude we should totally meet up sometime and hang out dude you know what I mean I don't want to sound too pushy but I got a good vibe from you dude and we should totally hang out that would be cool dude don't you think okay see you later dude bye

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You: That white dog

Me: The half blind Doberman

Hey there white dog. I can't see too good at my age but I remember your color. You were smallish and white and smelled delicious. Hit me up when you get this– I'm pretty hungry white dog

Even More Memorable Lines To Movies I Haven't Watched

"An angry granny charging at me with two knitting needles."

(translated from Swedish) "This barn is the right size but too drafty to host our wedding reception."

"Hey goat. It's good to see you. I like your beard. I had a beard like that in "The Perfect Storm". Did you see that movie?"

"Ever feel like you're doing the same thing over and over again?"

"No, this is my first movie."

"Forgive me, Father, for I am about to find out what's under those vestments!" 

"Why do they call you 'Pegging Peggy?' OHHH."

Capitalism in 2021

Pictured, lower half: a YouTube preroll that announces that Amazon raised its minimum wage to  $15/hr for warehouse employees. Rather than actually improve working conditions and paying their employees more, Amazon decided to spend a lot of that money on promoting their modest pay raises.

Pictured top half: Jeff Bezos takes off into the upper atmosphere for 15 minutes with William Shatner and a small group of other rich people in a dick-shaped rocket not to further science or break new ground, just because.

Today We Theorize Which Infinity Stone The Riders In The NJ Transit Survey Photo Would Claim

Okay, it's admittedly been years since "Avengers: Endgame" came out, and years since we covered the riders in the 2013 NJ Transit Satisfaction Survey. But since we're dedicated fanboys of both, let's just geek out and think a moment about which Infinity Stone our friends Jesse, Jess, Angie, Trina, Don With The Thumbs, and Simon Peter would lay claim to:

Jesse: SOUL STONE

The Soul Stone grants the user the ability to control a person's soul. Jesse being a soulless twit would thus appreciate having control over others'.

Jess: TIME STONE

We gave this one to Jess for no other reason than that she's moving her arms sort of like a clock moves its arms. I dunno.

Angie: MIND STONE

Hello? Angie's little more than just a head? Mind Stone.

Trina: POWER STONE

Trina deserves the Power Stone not just because its purple matches her top, but because despite Don With The Thumbs's desperate play for attention, she is the one truly in charge in that train car.

Don With The Thumbs: SPACE STONE

The Space Stone brants the user the ability to travel between places instantaneously. Don would appreciate this because he's standing up in a damn train and is obviously restless and impatient.

Simon Peter: REALITY STONE

Simon Peter could certainly use the ability to change reality, seeing how his life sucks and he can't even get a word in edgewise in a fictional stock photo conversation.

Well, that was pretty fun soft rebooting this crowd of 6. You'll see more of the riders of the NJ Transit Survey photo again soon, and it won't take 6+ years.

Another Mini-Smecial Dreams Entry

Both of these submitted by Andrew, who is easily the biggest Smecial Dreams contributor of all time:

UAG

 

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• Amish Sluts After Sundown

• Bad Roommate Simulator (VR)

• Botched Giftwrapping Jobs

• LAPD LARPers

• DIY LASIK Adventures

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Live Unboxing and Sampling of the Hickory Farms Hearty Party Gift Basket

• Jeopardy! But the Host Reads The Clues At a Third Grade Level

• Rassling: Before They Went Pro

• Four People I Know Named Sonya (and One Named Steve)

• Just A Bunch of Geeky Easter Eggs Threaded Together In a Weak Storyline

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Spot A Fake N95 Mask

The CDC warns that up to 60% of N95 masks on the market are fakes and are not up to federal quality standards. Here's how to tell if a mask sold as an N95 is legitimate:

1) The listing is misspelled or uses poor grammar

2) The seller is listed as "Sexybitch788Suckaz"

3) Real N95 masks always have the manufacturer name, NIOSH (Occupational Safety and Health) written on it, the model and a TC number which is the number issued to the manufacturer from NIOSH.

4) The seller accepts Visa, Mastercard and "back rubs" as payment

And speaking of back rubs, I once drove an older woman in my limo, and she somehow thought that I came with the fare she paid– like she could take advantage of me sexually. I dropped her off at the corner.

Stay safe, kids!

Spotted on Facebook

Are you Keighding Meigh?

A Series of Job Interview Questions That Don't Make It Clear Whether You're Interviewing for Jordache or Doordash

Let's say you're at a job interview and you somehow forget which company you were there to interview for– Jordache Jeans or Doordash. Here now are some questions the recruiter would ask you that would NOT help you figure that out:

"Are you willing to do the necessary legwork?"

"What kind of manager are you? Do you have drive? And can you seize the reins of a project?"

"Do you like helping serve customers, finding the right fit for them?"

"We're like a family here. Do you think you could get along?"

"You must have plenty of enthusiasm at this job. Bursting at the seams, in fact!"

"Our brand is well known. But we're all about growth."

"Meet our project managers– Jean and Tugo."

"When can you start? Can you hit the ground running?"

"We do have casual Fridays, although that won't matter because it's all remote now!"

EADJ Cryptocurrency News!

EADJ has the latest cryptocurrency news, updates, values, prices, and more related to Bitcoin, Ethereum, Dogecoin, DeFi and NFTs, starting RIGHT NOW!!!!

• Bitcoin Miner XPORNSTARXCOREY8 has announced a merger with next door neighbor and best friend 69PENTHOUSEDUDExSOHUNG to pool their resources for a global operation, currently valued at ₿6.7 Trillion

• NFT update: the Pink Armadillo With A Party Hat NFT has plunged in value from ₿80 billion to only ₿4 billion because someone on SNL said the word "pink". Up to four dozen bitcoin trillionaires have lost their life savings.

• Federal Trade Commissioner Henry Pym has assured investors that bitcoin volatility has been stabilized after someone removed a leaf from the Wall Street ticker outside.

• Crypto-startup EXCELLENCE has successfully converted all of their company's assets into blockchain technology and have reduced their real-world footprint into a thumb drive that's around here somewhere...

• The following new bitcoin currencies have been announced as of four minutes ago:

    - Georgies

    - Porgies

    - Puddings

    - Pies

    - XTreme Savage Points

    - Marlboro Miles

    - Douches

    - Coaches

UAG

New Projects At Kickstarter!

Kickstarter has helped hundreds of unique, innovative products that simply needed funding to get off the ground. Here are this week's newest crowdfunding projects:

• genetically modified oranges with mouths that recite words that spell with "orange"

• Finally, an organic, vegan, 100% recycled, sustainable, allergen-free, kid-and-pet-friendly, American-manufactured, non-toxic, easy-to-install, small-batch-produced, customizable, biodegradable, easy to carry, uh... what were we talking about?

• 100% STEEL PRETZELS

• A workout device that looks like a Thighmaster and works like a Thighmaster but is totally not a Thighmaster

• Weighted blankets! Oh, they make those already? Shit.

• A spatula/sexual device that's easy to clean between uses

• 3D printer that print giant, dimensional Powerpoint slides for a real WOW factor during presentations

• Soy-based anger

• Special water-based paint on puppies' fur so that they can advertise your shitty business with QR codes

• Multi-frequency Angela detector that can find the nearest Angela in your area