Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracy Stories

Alex Jones and his talented team of whackadoo writers are working hard on news "stories" that they believe their dumb audience will accept as fact. Here are some conspiracies that they'll be covering soon on their show:

• All TikTok celebrities are elaborate puppets manipulated by space wolves 

• Hillary Clinton. That's it.

• Most wedding photographers include a Masonic symbol in their photos which spreads that secret society's agenda

• People don't call the Japanese "Japs" anymore because liberals are triggered by demeaning racial terms like "Japs"

• Wordle is an NSA operation designed to record all your personal information based on if you guessed BATON or GULLS

UAG

InfoWars Shares Some Upcoming Conspiracy Theories

Alex Jones's crack team of conspiracy writers are at it again, tirelessly cranking out new whacked-out theories that dumb right wingers will happily accept as fact. Here are some conspiracies that they plan to feature on the show in upcoming weeks:

• Imitation crab meat is actually real crab meat but liberals are pocketing the money

• Every time a bell rings, an angel shares your personal information with the Deep State

• The reason you can never sneeze with your eyes open is because "they" WANT you to close your eyes

• The Tuskegee Airmen retired and now tour as the Harlem Globetrotters

• All the money you'd ever make on Bitcoin transactions can only be cashed out as Pogs

• A chicken who has successfully predicted every Super Bowl since 1967 has made a delicious sandwich

• BREAKING: Up is down

 

Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracies

Alex Jones' Info Wars is a program that some people enjoy because it floats conspiracy theories that line up with or enforce the fucked up way they see the world. Here are some of the exquisite stupidity that they can expect to hear next week:

• Minions are actually Chinese children with thicker glasses on

• Selfish refugee families are demanding to be detained in hundreds of tents that would have been used for fun music festivals for white people

• If you look in a microscope at DNA, it looks exactly like a bowl of Chef Boyardee ABCs & 123s

• People who have those signs in their homes that say LIVE LAUGH LOVE are to be trusted. Report any illegal or even legal minority activity to these trusted agents.

• If you connect 6 in a game of Connect Four, communities in India will consider you a god and worship you.

• Bats are the worst. They're probably liberals, too.

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of Mar. 7

The following hashtags are missing a nice home. Won't you include one of these in your racist tweets today? Thanks.

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#bencarsonenergizingthebase

#takingBuzzfedseriously

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#cleaningmyballswiththeOlympictorch

#TwittersLeastUsedHashtagsismyfavoriteEADJsegment