We at EADJ realize that Joel is an aspiring screenwriter. To help him in his quest for reaching his achievement of his goal, we wish to guide him to be the best screenwriter he can aspire to hope to be. The EADJ staff are big movie buffs, and we wanted to point out the biggest script clichés to avoid in case Joel desired to be a groundbreaking writer. Conversely, if Joel wanted to get hired by any crap studio so he could eat dick and write lame scripts, here is a handy laundry list.
Least-Surprising Plot Devices:
• Climactic scene where the villain and the good guy wrestle with one gun– BANG! Who got shot? Who? Surprise, it's the bad guy! Yay!
• Climactic scene where villain is about to shoot the good guy– BANG! And someone else shoots the bad guy just in time! Yay!
• Stupid scene where two crazy dudes are jumping their car over something, turn to each other and say "SHIIIIIIIIIT!"
• Scene where the bad guy turns out to be– the good guy's boss! Surprise! (Bonus: The bad guy is identified via a computer image that is slowly getting sharper and sharper)
• Some valuable cargo is supposed to be delivered or found, and the cargo turns out to be– surprise! A chick! (or a child)
• Stupid scene where the good guy kicks the bad guy against a wall, and– surprise! There was something sharp on the wall, thus killing the bad guy without technically making the good guy a killer! Yay!
• Scene where the good guy's kids have always hated him until he reveals that he does something awesome for a living. It impresses the hell out of the kids, and they instantly respect him from then on. Yay!
• Any car chase scene that involves two workmen walking with a large pane of glass, whether breaking the glass or not breaking the glass or just missing the glass and having one of the workmen drop the glass, whatever. ENOUGH!!!!!
• Same goes for a workman laying fresh concrete on the sidewalk.
• Same goes for a workman on a ladder hanging a banner above a street.
• You know what? Any car chase scene, period.
• Any scene involving Joel onscreen where a cock is being eaten. Expected!
(pictured above, a raging alcoholic celebrates 430 days without a drink)
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