• At 8pm on Tuesday, a call was placed complaining of a trespasser behind the city dump. Officers investigated the scene to find Joel fighting with a bunch of seagulls over an abandoned dick. Joel was let off with a warning.
• A domestic dispute in Falun Gong Heights turned out to be just Joel eating dick really loudly and furiously. Joel was let off with a warning.
• Police responded to a 480 call in uptown when a pedestrian was struck by a hit-and-run driver. EMT's were on the scene to administer aid to the victim, and Joel was later in the ambulance furiously administering dick-eating. Joel was let off with a warning.
• Police were called on a 10-66 call at the flea market on the campgrounds. The suspicious person was not in fact a terrorist but Joel furiously eating dick through a ski mask. Joel was let off with a warning.
Stay tuned to EADJPD for the latest in Joel-related dick eating news.
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