UAG

Editor's note: I just checked back on this entry a few hours I posted it, and good Lord, that is some terrible Photoshop work. I'm ashamed.

The EADJ Sticker Show, Entry 3

Here's the semi-seasonal EADJ wrap-up some interesting stickers we've seen around town and their true meaning, courtesy of some Internet snooping.

---------

Shake Junt sticker spotted in Union, New Jersey.

Smoothie joint or line of hair care products?


Shake Junt is a skateboarding company from L.A., founded by Shane Heyl and is part of Baker Boys Distribution.

From Urban Dictionary: "Not JUST a brand, but a lifestyle. One which is filled with blunts, 40's and skating with the homies. The brand was started by the homies for the homies, and it what skating is all about."


They also feature a Spring 2012 catalog selling everything from DVDs to shirts to skateboard grip tape, marijuana leaf Hawaiian shirts, knapsacks, 40 oz coozies and yes, stickers.


---------

Cody B. Ware sticker spotted in Brooklyn.

Wrestler mag or political movement?



Neither. It's a rapper. And he's not too bad, either. "Cody B. Ware is Cody Morgan Verdecias. A 23 year old dreamer from the spirit world who represents Brairwood Jamaica, Queens. The child of interracial parents. Half Spanish Half Jewish. Hopeless Romantic keeping my PMA on high. My mother gave me my birth name & Graham Masser (Bad Rabbits) blessed me with the name of Cody B. Ware."



---------

Forever Is Fleeting sticker spotted in Princeton, New Jersey.

Since it's got a myspace URL, I'm going to guess terrible rock band.


Bingo. This scrappy unsigned group of musicians from Lower Bucks, Pennsylvania, feature three songs on their page: "Restart My Heart [NEW!]" "Take Advantage [NEW!]" and "Miles (Acoustic Version)."

They added their newest member, Alison Cloud(keyboard and vocals) sometime in 2010.


---------

Stoke Harvester sticker spotted in Seattle.

Organic food co-op or skateboard company?


Skateboard company. They sell skimboards, paddle boards, surfboards, skate gear and wetsuits. And the requisite trucker hat.



---------

Pat Falco can jump this high spotted in Midtown.

Underground shoe company or graffiti artist?


Turns out Pat Falco is sort of the latter. "Pat Falco is an artist, rapper, and curator. He has several redeeming qualities and is considered by his mom to be 'her son.'

Pat Falco is a cartoonist, rapper, t-shirt designer and frequent blogger. So it's no surprise that he's also a self-promoter.

The black figure with his penis hanging down is a character in his ongoing comic strip.


---------

Dolphins Rape People spotted in Soho.

Ironic skateboard company or sketch comedy troupe?



Neither. It's actually, quite literally, a group of people wanting to "reach out to the victims of dolphin rape and share their stories with the world."

"This is no laughing matter. We must all band together to stop the atrocity that is dolphin rape."

They even documented the world's various dolphin rape cave locations.


And they're selling more stickers at 2 for 5 bucks.
Mmm. Maybe it is a sketch comedy troupe, just trolling.

If You Love Something, Set It Free. And If It Comes Back...

So this is fun. You might remember the EADJ Crappinema where I reviewed the Blockbuster Video exclusive movie "Ten Inch Hero" and snuck it back into a Blockbuster after watching.

Well, because of Obamacare and the socialist uprising (sarcasm), many Blockbuster locations are closing, including the one in Jersey where I dumped that DVD.


They're selling everything at Blockbuster from DVDs to the shelves to that one counter where the clerk would tell you your rented DVD would be waiting for you since they didn't trust you to carry it out the store yourself because you're probably a filthy thief but look who's laughing now since you're going out of business bitches LOL.




Most of the good movies were sold already, which pretty much left the dregs.


But what's this?!


Holy shit! It's "Ten Inch Hero!" And since there was no copy of it before I snuck it back in the store, I can only assume that this is the VERY SAME COPY I had before. And now I can buy it back for $1.99 for no reason! Yaaay!

Dut Dut Dut Dut Racist Appliances!

No Title Necessary

You know, sometimes I'm ashamed of the things that I notice.

A Pair of IM Convos

This from Bill Dow:


And this one from Andrew Gall:



Insert "I'll be Bach" joke here.

A Possibly New Segment (or Segments)

I was walking around the main street of my town in Jersey, when I happened upon a self defense class flyer near the post office:



This excellent flyer lends itself to whole world of possible captions for an EADJ segment- so many that I hesitate to commit to one just yet.

There could be The Gallant Chauvinist:


or Hopeful Libertarian:


Guy Who Keeps Bringing Up Star Wars On Dates:


Of course, we could give the woman the word bubble.
Presenting "Chick With The TV Remote:"


And then there's just the straight up Battle Of The Sexes:


Oh, the possibilities!

UAG

It's Time To Expand The EADJ Crappinuum

At least I think that's what we call that thing. The EADJ Crappinema Recap Crapline? Whatever. Either way, we've reviewed so many movies on the original spectrum that it's gotten too crowded and impossible to add new entries. Solution: cut it in two places like a piece of broccoli and elongate, allowing more room for more terrible movies!


Yes, now we have plenty of room for the middle of the spectrum, but what if one of the upcoming movies we review is particularly "terrible" or "fucking piss-awful?" Well, my friend, we have allowed plenty of space at either endpoint, so there is still room to add more extremely bad or extremely, extremely bad movies to the chart.

"But does extending the line make the terrible movies more terrible or the fucking piss-awful more pissing fuck-awful?" you might ask. The answer is no, because the continuum has always been and still is a chart of relative values, and there are no actual measurable units assigned to the movies, and the distances between movies represent no particular quantity, either. What are you, a nerd?

Regardless, "Jock Of The Bushveld" still remains the most terrible movie imaginable.


But onto "Unbeatable Harold." Since it had the lazy wrap up resolution of "Playin' For The Kitty" and the non-comedic timing of "Da Station," I parked it right between those two films. You'll see it inhabits the lower end of the Crappinema spectrum, as it should. And to its director: montages are a spice; you should use them sparingly. Otherwise you end up with a mouthful of Mrs. Dash, and nobody wants that.

The EADJ Crappinema (Finally) Presents: "Unbeatable Harold"

Ah, Jesus. You'd think after the debacle of losing my keys and the thumb drive that contained the Crappinema review of "Dead Awake," forcing me to rewatch and re-review that crappy movie, I'd have learned my lesson. But sure enough, earlier last month I got drunk and lost my keys AGAIN, losing the EADJ thumb drive that contained the mostly-completed Crappinema review of "Unbeatable Harold." So, yes, I had to rewatch and re-review this sumbitch, too. I must love awful movies.

"Unbeatable Harold" sets out to be a quirky comedy with a goofy underdog protagonist, which is in of itself a fair pursuit. However, rather than really getting to know the characters' motivations and desires, this movie breezes by with cheap jokes and at least five montages to move the story along. It's like someone's fast forwarding to the good parts, but there are none.

So can a film composed mainly of lazy montages build likable, quirky characters? No, I'm really asking you, because I don't know.






























































Sorry to end on such a down note there. Well, back to the review:

Overall grade: F