Friday, March 16, 2012
A Message From Christina... Er, Christine Aguilera, President of SkyMall
Hi folks!
Sorry to bother you in the middle of your flight to Dallas or layover in JFK, but I just wanted to take a few seconds of your time to clarify something: I am not the Grammy winning recording artist who starred in the movie "Burlesque" with Cher and is currently a celebrity judge on NBC's popular show "The Voice." I am the President of SkyMall, and that's all!
I have often been approached on the street and asked for an autograph. Too often I've heard people excitedly say, "Sing a few bars of 'Moves Like Jagger!" or "I really loved your moving cover of Etta James' 'At Last' that you sang at her funeral!" But then I have to explain to them that I am actually the Christine Aguilera that sells The Home Electrolysis Roller (Item 79162A) or PupSTEP Stairs, the tiny plush stairs that help your pets climb onto your favorite chair or sofa (Item 321354A).
Sometimes people don't catch it the first time. They still think I'm the one who topped COVE's list of the 100 Best Pop Vocalists with a score of 50 out of 50 and came fifth in MTV's 22 Greatest Voices in Music. They're still convinced I've released six studio albums with the first one spawning three number one hits in the Billboard Top 100. I have to gently remind them that I'm Christine Aguilera, known for selling Mongolian Shearling Moccasins (Item 79458A for Men's and 79513A for Women's) or The iGrow laser scalp hair rejuvenation system, which promises "thicker, fuller looking hair in weeks- guaranteed (Item APR02A)!"
But that's okay. We're both beautiful, confident women who have succeeded in our respective field of expertise. She's got four Grammy (and one Latin Grammy) Awards, a Golden Globe nomination for Best Song and was named by Rolling Stone as one of the 100 Greatest Singers Of All Time. And I run a free airplane catalog of amazing items like the Nano-UV™ Wand, which safely kills 99.99% of bacteria and viruses in your home in 10 seconds (Item ZDH108A) or The Cast Iron Giraffe Toilet Paper Holder (Item HH8992A), only $29.95 plus shipping!
Sigh.
Labels:
dolphin guy,
fifth sunday in ordinary time,
JFK,
Melisma,
Oaktown's 357,
skymall
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