It's Time To Expand The EADJ Crappinuum

At least I think that's what we call that thing. The EADJ Crappinema Recap Crapline? Whatever. Either way, we've reviewed so many movies on the original spectrum that it's gotten too crowded and impossible to add new entries. Solution: cut it in two places like a piece of broccoli and elongate, allowing more room for more terrible movies!


Yes, now we have plenty of room for the middle of the spectrum, but what if one of the upcoming movies we review is particularly "terrible" or "fucking piss-awful?" Well, my friend, we have allowed plenty of space at either endpoint, so there is still room to add more extremely bad or extremely, extremely bad movies to the chart.

"But does extending the line make the terrible movies more terrible or the fucking piss-awful more pissing fuck-awful?" you might ask. The answer is no, because the continuum has always been and still is a chart of relative values, and there are no actual measurable units assigned to the movies, and the distances between movies represent no particular quantity, either. What are you, a nerd?

Regardless, "Jock Of The Bushveld" still remains the most terrible movie imaginable.


But onto "Unbeatable Harold." Since it had the lazy wrap up resolution of "Playin' For The Kitty" and the non-comedic timing of "Da Station," I parked it right between those two films. You'll see it inhabits the lower end of the Crappinema spectrum, as it should. And to its director: montages are a spice; you should use them sparingly. Otherwise you end up with a mouthful of Mrs. Dash, and nobody wants that.