This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Ciara was the only customer at Lex Luthor's western bar.

Wow, how did they find a 12 year old conspiracy theorist to draw the cover?

There's a lot going on here. But I'll allow it.

The amount of effort it took to take a screenshot, boy howdy.

Okay, this one completely confuses me. The album probably smells like Old Spice.

I'm disturbed, but I also want to burst out laughing. STUDENT WORK!

Ouch. Somebody is still reeling from that night at junior prom.

WORD CLOUDS ARE SO STREET.

Arby's has a pretty brutal ketchup dispenser nowadays.

6 Lies Told By the Choo Choo Barn Brochure

Choo Choo Barn is a kid-friendly toy train museum that invites families to come look at a bunch of small shit running through some other small shit to make a whole charming small world of shit. If I sound bitter it's because they wouldn't let me take a poo there even though I showed a ticket stub that I had just been there 6 years prior. 

1) Enjoy seeing hardworking truckers frustratedly sit in traffic while trains whisk by them!

2) The billboard doesn't actually show missing children from a previous tour group who wandered too far into the "Cave of Nothingness."

3) If Amish Country weren't quaint enough for you city folk, the miniature version will charm the ever living whorepennies out of your godless, Instagramming pockets!

4) Master modeler and second generation owner Tom Groff dresses like a doctor, but is NOT a licensed podiatrist. So put your boots back on, Aunt Tina.

5) Scanning this QR code actually takes you here.

6) The Choo Choo Barn Twitter feed is mostly just shirtless shots of Tom Groff, with and without the white lab coat.

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Made with quality plasticine ceramic and putty, these exquisite, lightweight and high-end frames can help you spot lies up to 200 meters away, or only 2 inches away if you're nearsighted haha. That's a joke.

These limited edition "6L" frames will be available in Huron Blue, Agassi Red and Vulva Green and will retail for $295.00.

L-L-L-L-L-L-Lobsterfest

The following Lobsterfest™ entries were transcribed from voice memos taken on a smartphone late Saturday night on the back patio after four beers and half a bottle of white zinfandel:

• Today you rest. Tomorrow, you dive headfirst into a punchbowl greased with olive oil mayo and your favorite crab chunks shaped like the Star of David. What, you're not Jewish? Then the cross or crescent, then. Can't we all just get along for one day with lobster on Lobsterfest™ at Red Lobster®?

• There's this guy named Yuan. I guess he's Chinese or something, but he has this amazing electronics shop on 8th Street. Everything from motherboards to cable connectors, Yuan's got them all. He will personally meet you at Red Lobster® and reserve a table for you so that when shit gets hot at Lobsterfest™, you're guaranteed a table (provided you sit with Yuan- that is the only part of the agreement that you must honor). The only thing Yuan asks is that you not refer to him as "your friend," because he's pretty cagey that way. LOBSTERFEST™!

• Lobster shells ground up make for pretty good mulch. Or for a pretty terrible lubricant. WE DO NOT JUDGE at Lobsterfest™ at Red Lobster. WE HONOR ALL LIFESTYLES™.

• We know some pretty good college a cappella groups that would love to serenade you and your date when you're drenched in butter and lobster au jus. But we won't send them to your table because we're above cheap gimmicks like that. Keep this shit real.

• A-E-I-O-Lobster. New vowel, fuckers.

If You Love Something, Set It Free. And If It Comes Back...

So this is fun. You might remember the EADJ Crappinema where I reviewed the Blockbuster Video exclusive movie "Ten Inch Hero" and snuck it back into a Blockbuster after watching.

Well, because of Obamacare and the socialist uprising (sarcasm), many Blockbuster locations are closing, including the one in Jersey where I dumped that DVD.


They're selling everything at Blockbuster from DVDs to the shelves to that one counter where the clerk would tell you your rented DVD would be waiting for you since they didn't trust you to carry it out the store yourself because you're probably a filthy thief but look who's laughing now since you're going out of business bitches LOL.




Most of the good movies were sold already, which pretty much left the dregs.


But what's this?!


Holy shit! It's "Ten Inch Hero!" And since there was no copy of it before I snuck it back in the store, I can only assume that this is the VERY SAME COPY I had before. And now I can buy it back for $1.99 for no reason! Yaaay!