More Unknown Perks of the AMC Stubs Rewards Card

Previous entry here.

If you're already a member of AMC Stubs, you already know that you receive tons of great movie benefits, like a free large popcorn refill with every visit, waived online ticketing fees, and a $5 reward for every 5,000 points earned! But did you know there are also some amazing benefits that you may not have heard about? CHECK THESE REWARDS OUT:

• $40 off any small popcorn

• Free Kevin Spacey movie screenings

• After-showing lessons on how to jump away from explosions

• Free surgery (elective and otherwise) for life

• One free overnight stay at the "Princess Suite" in the Taj Mahal in Agra, India

• Legally-immune permission to ransack the shit out of any Dollar Store

• You become one of the public faces of the #MeToo movement

• A free knuckle sandwich, for those of you who need one

• Become ordained as a Catholic priest on Thursdays

• PROTECTION FROM THE EVIL EYE

• Members named Gary are welcome to go fuck themselves

• Free nap in the AMC Stubs Rewards Dumpster

"The Road To Pathmark And The Road To Failure Are Almost Exactly The Same."

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up: Fall Collection Preview

Fancy Lady picks up lotto tickets before her brunch with the Queen.

Agnes didn't get dressed– she reupholstered herself.

Edna at church wore a dress that displayed the tortured faces of lost souls buried underneath man-eating flowers.

Jeremy wore a shirt with "TRUE RELIGION" and a Buddha on it. To provoke discussion.

Who says people don't dress up when they fly?

Patterns. Patterns. Patterns.

This appears to be a tribute to Tina Turner, but it's unclear whether it's "Proud Mary" or "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome".

I can't wait for winter, either, Jeff. But you look like an asshole.

The ProofrEADJer: Soho Deli Edition

"I'm Enjoying This. I'm Enjoying This. I'm Enjoying This."

OH GOD.

Some Upcoming Conspiracy Theories From InfoWars

You'll never see Alex Jones's mouth shut. That's because he's committed to bringing you the latest, craziest shittiest conspiracies that his staff of InfoWars writers can throw together for every show. Here's a sneak peak at some new steaming conspiracies:

• Netflix is KGB funded, and the people who still receive DVDs in the mail from them are Russian operatives, hiding behind "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" to give away America's nuclear codes.

• If you blur your eyes, aprons look like perverted white monkeys trying to rape people.

• Who farted? YOU farted.

• French curves are not a real woodworking tool. It's an evil device meant to turn carpenters gay.

• Sting was lying when he told Roxanne she didn't have to turn on the red light. SHE DID.

• Any woman named "Marianne" is a total bitch and shouldn't be trusted with pressing your khakis.

• Pancakes are better than waffles. FIGHT ME IF YOU THINK I'M FRIGGIN' WRONG!!!!!!!!

One Cannot Think Well, Love Well and Sleep Well If One Has Not Pathmarked Well.

What The Woman On the Insta-Screen Bug Screen Box Is Thinking

• One sip of this poisoned tea, motherfucker, and I will be free of you forever.

• Yeah, yeah. Juliette Binoche. I get that a lot.

• My mouth is smiling, but my eyes are shooting daggers through this cheap, Chinese-made bug screen.

• Scientology has made my life bearable, especially since achieving OT VII.

• Sure, drop your kid off for a playdate with my kids. It's not like I'm a babysitter or anything.

• SUN DRIED TOMATOES ON EVERYTHING

• There are not enough blogs out that that have lasted over 10 years.

UAG

The Proofreadjer: Mid-July Edition

Nobody Owns Life, But Anyone Who Can Pick Up A Pathmark Owns Death