This Week In Chicago Whatever

 The following are episode synopses for this week:

Chicago P.D.

Criminologist Harren Walker joins the team. Kelsey can't get her locker open. Some young punks give Sgt. Dukey a new nickname. 

Chicago Med

The NICU nurses throw a party at the worst time. Theresa and Donovan bury the hatchet in the commissary. Without his glasses, Dr. Carrow sutures his fingers together.

Chicago Fire

Battalion Chief Baldwin confronts an old nemesis. Kaitlyn reveals her diagnosis to the other EMS technicians. Lieutenant Klein burns his dick off at the training center.

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up: Fall Collection Preview

Fancy Lady picks up lotto tickets before her brunch with the Queen.

Agnes didn't get dressed– she reupholstered herself.

Edna at church wore a dress that displayed the tortured faces of lost souls buried underneath man-eating flowers.

Jeremy wore a shirt with "TRUE RELIGION" and a Buddha on it. To provoke discussion.

Who says people don't dress up when they fly?

Patterns. Patterns. Patterns.

This appears to be a tribute to Tina Turner, but it's unclear whether it's "Proud Mary" or "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome".

I can't wait for winter, either, Jeff. But you look like an asshole.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

And now, this month's worst and/or least explained hip hop mix tape covers:

Nice job, Bigga Rankin and DJ Frank White. By "subverting" the imagery of white power and Nazism, you've inadvertently made it look like you're standing in a garage with the motor on, trying to reach the garage door opener.

Chris Brown: album cover designer.

Not sure if those jet-powered missiles are from the 1940's. I'm actually surprised no one added any "hip hop" elements like a Kangol hat or bottle of Dirty Sprite in Kong's hand. Missed opportunities.

Yeah, that's what I want to do with a Mercedes. Park it across three parking spaces in front of a Citgo like an asshole. Also, it's night time, assholes. Lose the shades.

When someone comes up from behind you and smashes a gigantic light bulb over your face, just keep your cool and tell them that compact fluorescent bulbs save a lot more energy. Take the high road.

No change needed.

Kendrick Lamar demonstrates the danger of having too much gold in your grill: you end up vomiting the molten precious metal all over your new keffiyah scarf.

Vast Aire spared no expense for his album cover. He got the "best of the best"airbrush t-shirt artist to render his likeness on a vintage photo of 1960's New York City.

When Joe Budden runs out of deli flyers to pass out on the sidewalk, he just "hangs tough" and does the rosary in the middle of the street.

An awful cover based on an even more awful movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan. It's like Big Kurt is daring us to even listen to it. Nope!

Joker Too Cold breaks and enters an antique dealer's apartment and attempts to rob the tenant of four floral hat boxes and a medicine bag full of expired liniments.

See, Tony Mars is just like Don Draper, except he's unkempt, is tatted out and is not so drunk that he vomits in his wife's new oven. U Mad Man?

I'm going to just assume that Barack Obama really did tweet about #TrapStarzMusic in between fighting sequester budget cuts and overhauling the immigration system.

I honestly don't know where to start here. Is this really a hip hop album or one of those prop CD covers they use on sitcom bookshelves? Jesus.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with How To Peel a Potato

Clean the potato. Hold the potato in your non-writing hand by its sides. Grip the knife handle in your writing hand, blade facing you. Curl your fingers around the handle, but not your thumb. Rest your thumb against the potato for stability. Pull the knife toward you slowly, skimming the potato skin layer off as you go. You must work carefully, maintaining complete control over the knife so as not to cut your other hand. Continue the process, rotating the vegetable to achieve the best angles for potato skin removal.

And speaking of skin removal, any of you ladies in your twenties who are spending money on chemical peels and exfoliants and whatnot, don't. I've driven quite a lot of rich girls going to senior prom who will look like leather wallets later in life. So I'm telling you, you'll regret it later in life. Just saying.

New EADJ Feature: Dumb YouTube Comment o' the Fortnight!

From Glenn Frey's "You Belong To the City" page.

"the saxaphone is un explainable if youve ever tripped to city is mine sax on drugs you will cream" -jaipaul68