What The Woman On the Insta-Screen Bug Screen Box Is Thinking

• One sip of this poisoned tea, motherfucker, and I will be free of you forever.

• Yeah, yeah. Juliette Binoche. I get that a lot.

• My mouth is smiling, but my eyes are shooting daggers through this cheap, Chinese-made bug screen.

• Scientology has made my life bearable, especially since achieving OT VII.

• Sure, drop your kid off for a playdate with my kids. It's not like I'm a babysitter or anything.

• SUN DRIED TOMATOES ON EVERYTHING

• There are not enough blogs out that that have lasted over 10 years.

Hella Breaking News

After an immovable stalemate in Congress between Democrats and Republicans over the nation's gun laws (made more urgent by the mass shooting in Orlando), House Democrats staged a sit-in on the House floor on June 22, demanding a vote on gun control legislation. The protest garnered national attention on the issue of gun control, which is great, but more interesting for us was this photo taken of them:

Does something about this stiff, somewhat posed photo of multicultural people in businesswear look familiar to you? It did to us:

Holy shit! The NJ Transit Survey was gun control propaganda!

Some Ways That Aggressive Glass & Mirrors Drums Up Business

 

• They throw a brick through your front window and say "tsk tsk tsk."

• They hire a goon to come smash the shit out of your mirrors. And he takes the seven years bad luck because he ain't no snitch.

•  They run over your dog and make some clumsy joke about being blind and seeing eye dogs and you needing new blinds.

• They tell you that there's some really cool, amazing stuff happening outside your window but that you need new $1200 panes to really appreciate it.

• Three words: MICHAEL BAY WINDOWS.

• They threaten to give away the plot details of the "Homeland" episode you're watching unless you invest in some insulated windows which are surprisingly easy to open and clean when you really try them out. You should really give it a try unless you want to hear that Brody was framed for the bombing of CIA headquarters.

• They give you the finger inches from your face as they estimate, order, repair and invoice the window job for you.

• They "repair" your cracked coffee table glass top with Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka's ass in a sweet version of his "Superfly Splash."

• Fuck you

• Their hold music is "Architecture of Aggression" by Megadeth.

• They start a drawn out, expensive war under false pretenses, linking a terrorist attack to a completely unrelated foreign country that they wanted to invade in the first place for their oil wells.