Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Here are this week's least trending shitty hashtags for your nonuse in your Twitter feed:
Monday, September 28, 2015
"Cuttlet? Warp? Pappaer?"
Dear Prudents, you misspelled "Prudential."
"Health Smack." As in if you're hungry for junk food, they'll slap you silly.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Now that it's autumn, the leaves are turning, and so are the shades of unidentified liquid in puddles all over New York City. Here are the latest, hottest, wettest shades of urban blight to use at your next nail appointment!
Go fuck yourself!
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
"Two oil rig strips in the same week?" you might say. Hey, check out the big smarty-pants with a fucking calendar.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
Netflix has announced the latest round of movies and TV shows that will no longer be available at the end of September because of contract disputes or trade embargoes or whatever. Here's what to watch on Netflix before you're forced to switch over to Hulu (what a friggin' hassle, right?):
Tyler Perry's SMH
The Bourne Conjugation
The Reanimated Undead Zombie Groupon Riot
Uber Romances (Rom. Comedy)
2 Actresses Whose Name You Forget Pretend To Be Cops In a Tiresome Comedy
"Minority Report, The Series," The Motion Picture
Aunt Margaret's Candy Dish (Horror)
Craft Service Tables That John Travolta Has Enjoyed (Documentary Series)
Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN
The Lance Bass Experiment, Seasons 1-3
Adult Swim's Fuckerfuck & The Pine Cone Cockcunts
Shark Tank, Season 2, 5, 6, and 8
Ken Burns Documentary Series: The Origin of "Yo Mamma" Jokes
America's Got Type 2 Diabetes
Rarities Series: Carol Burnett Skits Where Tim Conway Didn't Crack Up
Uber Romances, The Series
Prison Game show: Shank My Prag
Playboy's Sexiest Notary Publics In Ohio
Ignoring The Kardashians
Mama Weer All Crazy Now, The Musical Series
Asperger's + Hidden Cameras
Blackjak, The Black Kojak
Thursday, September 17, 2015
You might find it hard to believe, but this stupid blog has posted 3000 entries as of this one since its 2007 launch. 2007 was back when blogging was a thing and people read content that wasn't in fucking listicles.
Well, we wouldn't exactly call the entries we've shared here "content," but whatever, lady.
We'd like to thank Blogger for not shutting this thing down for using copyrighted material, a bunch of cursewords and using unauthorized photos of people dressed like jackasses in public.
But we definitely have to thank the eponymous Joel Thomas, who's provided us with someone to jest at, around, and inside of. Thanks for being a good sport, dick eater.
Here's my favorite photo of Joel where he's interviewing a Stratosphere Dong in a Stratosphere Tower container at the top of the Stratosphere Casino Tower in February of 2008:
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Spotted at the Rectory of the Catholic Church down the street from me, a cardboard standee of Pope Francis in honor his visit to New York:
Nice sentiment, but the fact that it's lit from under and is standing in a dark window gives me the heebie-jeebies (that is NOT a Jewish slur).
I do love how his Holiness is shooting one gun-finger like he's Kojak: "Who loves ya, baby?"
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Condom Machine was depressed.
CVS Photo Machine said, "Cheer up!"
Bank Deposit Box just stayed out of it.
Back Window of Flatbed Truck also felt a little glum.
Back of Flatscreen Monitor also suffered from depression.
McDonald's Trash Can still felt super-great.
Tampon Machine was surprised he could shed a tear.
Monday, September 14, 2015
J'Net brought this to my attention yesterday: CBS 2 is promoting NFL Thursday Night Football and they got the contractually obligated news anchors Kristine Johnson and Maurice Du Bois (it means "of wood") to dress up and "have fun with it." And they tried.
Looks like Kristine drew the line at wearing a ruffled cheerleader miniskirt. And it looks like Maurice said "Hell no" and simply changed his tie to a gold one.
I'm not entirely understanding the glowing tip of the football. What does that remind me of? Oh, right.
RUN, MAURICE! COVER YOUR FACE!
Here's Maurice cutting loose.
Here's Kristine thinking about what time she had to pick up her dry cleaning before they closed.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Wait a minute. Why did I call this the "Early Jane's Addiction Edition?" There weren't any entries about any of Jane's Addiction's early albums "Jane's Addiction," "Nothing's Shocking," or even "Ritual de lo Habitual." So what gives? You got me, pal.