UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Hard Teachers

• Peter Kriss's Makeup Tutorials

• Slapping Fat Dudes: The Series

• Finding A Public Bathroom in Brooklyn

• Separation Anxiety: The Laundry Game Show

• Server Transfer Emergencies

• Nothing: The Bible Prequel

• Is This Salt?

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Titpuncher

• Gory Manicure Stories

• Labelmaker Wars

• Stanisław Szukalski: The Erotic Stories

• Nude Male Bookmarks

• French Onion Soup: The Criterion Edition

• Moon Unit Zappa Reflects On Aging and Mortality

• The Kool-Aid Nighttime Mysteries, Rated M

• Faces Of Death Babies

• Shiva and Shivs: Hindus in Prison

• Yelling At Cheese

The ProofrEADJer: May Payday Edition

Still More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

Pantone continues to document the peacock-like array of NYC puddles. In a few years, they plan to release a Pantone guide made up exclusively of the city's liquid excretions. Enjoy this New Year's Collection:

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

"Two oil rig strips in the same week?" you might say. Hey, check out the big smarty-pants with a fucking calendar.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Chris Miles goes back to the source and releases the realest booty album ever.

Before pot was legalized, there were no guidelines for sanitary storage of marijuana, resulting in a lot of surprised and vaguely satisfied customers.

Poor gullible Terrence was fooled every time someone played "The Roof Is On Fire." 

I swear that guy in the middle looks like a pinto bean.

"T-O-I-L-E-T  T-H-L?"

From Eli Roth's remake of "Babe."

"Pay my bill." "Yes." "Pay my bill." "No." "No." "No." "I would like to pay my cell phone bill." "Operator."

5 Things You Shouldn't Say To Yoko Ono

If you're ever fortunate to run into artist Yoko Ono on the street or at a Bed Bath & Beyond, here are a few things you shouldn't say to her in conversation: 

1) "I really loved the song 'Yesterday.' Oh, Paul wrote that song? Whoops."

2) "Did the Plastic Ono Band break up because one of the band members got romantically involved with someone outside the group and that became a distraction and created tension?"

3) "Do you still sleep naked with a man slinging his leg over your shoulder like that?"

4) "You should really watch 'Hell's Kitchen.' Not that it has anything to do with you or The Beatles, but because Whatshisname is such a CARD!"

5) "When you poop, do you make that awful noise like when you sing?"

Bonus: 6) "Gordon Ramsay! That was his name!"

The ProofrEADJer, Autumnal Indian Corn Edition

When I Say Racist, You Say Appliances

So How's Alice Gainer Doing On Channel 10/55/Whatever?

A few weeks ago we reported on the reporter Alice Gainer now holding down the desk at WLNY 10/55 instead of breaking up Maurice Dubois (it means "of wood") and Kristine Johnson, the best damned news team ever. So how is our former homewrecker doing over there?

 

Holdin' it down.

Gettin' it done.

Makin' it happen.

Readin' that prompter.

Reportin' those headlines.

Catchin' it live.

Doin' it up right.

Kickin' ass and takin' names. Also, reportin' those names.

Shakin' shit up.

Throwin' it all out there.

Takin' it as it comes.

Gleamin' the cube.

Maskin' the tape.

And AG isn't the only one moonlighting. Correspondent Tracee Carrasco (try typing that five times fast) is also burning the candle at both networks, working a sensible blouse by day...

And the Kermit the Frog reporter overcoat at night. Serious!

This, of course, frees Kristine Johnson up to pose for flower seed packet point of purchase displays.

UAG

So true.