The ProofrEADJer: April Edition

The ProofrEADJer: April Edition

Attention, Galaxoroma: hire a proofreader for your social posts.

 

Lookie: Some More Available But Admittedly Terrible Porn Names

There you are. We're almost ready for you on set. Did you manage to get something to eat from craft service? Great. Okay, so before we begin rolling, we'll need you to sign some forms and get over to make-up. Oh, also we're going to need you to pick a porn name–you know, something to run on the credits. If you don't have one picked yet, we do have some spare porn names lying around. But be warned, they're not so great LOL. Here, take your pick, and we'll see you on set in an hour!

Him

Colin Oscopy

Manny Fist Destiny

Sid & Marty Krotch

Talcum X

Twink Fartingdale

Al Coholic

Her

Furry Elise

Dana Swamp

Frieda Slaves

Gretchen Kegel Quiffburgers

Anka Skanka

Sojourner Tits

UAG

The ProofrEADJer, Spring Thaw Edition

Six Movie Ideas Based On Some Graffiti Scrawled On A Wall In Prague

As has been exhaustively documented before, Hollywood studios are plum out of original ideas and are looking everywhere for the latest movie properties or scripts. Or just scenes they can blow out into feature films. Or just a loose outline of how a story would go so they can build off that. Anything, man.

 

Below are six new ideas (based on some random Czech Republic graffiti) that the major studios are currently fighting over to put into production:

"Pleber"

starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Amber Heard and Nicholas Hoult. The year is 2044 and society has reinstated a caste system. Jude Law plays the patrician governor who is confronted by "Pleber" (Gordon-Levitt) with a gun that shoots chainsaws in the name of all plebeians. Social justice's new badass name: PLEBER.

"Chewy"

Chui, a down and out former brewery worker (Luiz Guzman) discovers his great-grandma's recipe for delicious taffy and starts to market it, angering the local candy bigwigs (Amy Sedaris and Will Arnett) and starting a full-out war of the sweets.

"Eaton"

Olivia Wilde plays Kelsey, a broke but promising young college student at the fictional Eaton College who uses the Internet to start an accelerated study group. Everyone in the study group (Olivia Williams, Olivia Munn, and Dakota Fanning) gets accused of cheating and have to prove themselves by retaking their studies in person. Wait, there really is an "Eton College?" Shit.

"Skit"

starring Bill Heder, Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudoph, Darrell Hammond, Tim Meadows, Seth Myers, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Fred Armisen, Abby Elliott, Ellie Kemper, Mindy Kaling, Jim Carrey and David Ogden Stiers.

No other information available.

"Close"

 Jason Schwartzman plays Dougie, a lovable guy that stalks, kills, and dismembers his high school sweetheart (Megan Fox). It's an indie black comedy!

"OIPSE" or "OPPSE" or "01P5E"

Neil Blomkamp directs this sci-fi thriller where the moon has completely been populated by android versions of the entire population of Kentucky. Why? You got me. Starring Billy Bob Thornton as the governor of Kentucky and Prime Minister Pete Nice from 3rd Bass as the President of the Moon.

This Week Of EADJ Entries Is Brought To You By The Foundation For A Better Life

Eat A Dick Joel is proud to announce a partnership with The Foundation For A Better Life in spreading positive, inspiring but unsolicited messages for people of all ages. 

Values.com has been a successful, uplifting ad campaign that has introduced vague ideas of positiveness to confused TV watchers and commuters. Through public service announcements and outdoor billboards, The Foundation For A Better Life has promoted good, nonsectarian values to baffled, unexpecting people across the country.

This week, EADJ has volunteered to promote The Foundation For A Better Life by creating our own inspirational Values.com billboards. It is our hope that we too can help confuse thousands of people with cheery, unactionable messages.

Inexpensive Mop Doesn't Feel So Great This Morning

EXCLUSIVE OUTTAKES!

The following are exclusive outtakes from Andrew Gall's attempts at a Jerald Tribute photo:





It must be noted that Andrew attempted to take these photos on his own and stopped attempting once he had broken a candle holder in the process. Luckily, his newly-arrived fiancée Megan will be available to take one soon.

BONUS BONUS:

Through the miracle of computers, we have created a composite from the separate photos to bring you a "superphoto" of Andrew's cumulative attempts!

A Jerald Controversy.

So on Friday, Tom W and I posted our tribute photos of Jerald Johnson.

Andrew Gall sent in this comment:
"you really should have set up a speaker to make the tribute photos more authentic"

Tom's swift reply was this:
"Screw you pal, it was a near-impossible task recreating the majesty that is the Jerald Johnson profile pic. Jerald operates on a level so much higher than us that the speaker you see is probably made of lemming's tears from the planet Volcrom, which is inaccessible to David and I here in New York, duh. Consequently, we did not want to dishonor Jerald with a slipshod replica for fear of his mighty wrath."

Now might be a good time to share some alternate shots from that photoshoot:




EADJ cordially invites Andrew and you, the other reader, to submit your own Jerald Tribute photos!

A Tribute.

Jerald Johnson, Where Are You?

I found a comments section on Jerald Johnson's profile page. I got to leave the first one!

OMG! JERALD JOHNSON MAKES CONTACT!!!

In a move that will send shockwaves throughout the online community and blogosphere, EADJ is proud to report that the elusive Jerald Johnson has not only recently contacted Tom Weingard, but David Estoye as well.


And not only has he added me as a friend, he has requested that I fill in a section called "The best thing about Jerald is..."


Here's what I wrote:

"If you were to ask me the best thing about Jerald Johnson, I would say it is that the man is stylish. Even when mopping a tile patio (an extremely rare thing in New York, United States) he has enough sense of style to pop the collar of his Structure polo shirt. I mean, just because you have to do menial labor doesn't mean you can't be pimpin, too. And judging from the photo, he is thorough enough in his task to sweep beforehand. Jerald is one severely neat dude."