The Newest Perks of an AMC Stubs Rewards Membership

AMC has enjoyed a surge of new memberships to its Stubs program, thanks to the constant updating of new benefits for cardholders. Here are the latest new offerings for new and current Stubs members:

• Free "Smurfs" popcorn bucket from last year. We're trying to get rid of them.

• Complimentary lap-crumb-removal service at all AMC dine-in theaters

• Nicole Kidman will briefly sit with you to say "Even heartbreak feels good in a place like this."

• You like Takis? We'll have Stuart get you some Takis!

• Special vibrating seat that says "VA VA VOOM!" every time Jacob Elordi appears on screen

• Hey, you on your betting app during the movie. Shut that shit off.

• Close captioning for stupid people

• Free Dag Nasty CD we found in Theatre 3

• Special upgrade to IMAX 70mm, Dolby Surround Sound 3D screening of that terrible "Animal Farm" movie

• We'll make you a custom XL popcorn bucket if you've got 45 hours to wait for the 3D print

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract renegotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• The Deadliest Catch: Junior Edition

• Making The Album: "Jingle Bells/U Can't Touch This" by Crazy Frog (2005)

• Stranger Things, Season 2 (It wasn't the best one, anyway)

• Let's Shake Grandpa Awake For No Reason

• Bailing Out Honey Boo Boo

• A Jeffersons Rerun And It's The Only Episode You've Seen

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:  

• Comedians In Cars Complaining About How No One Puts In The Hard Work Anymore And Automatically Expects An HBO Special After A Couple of Good Shows

• Piranha Whisperer

• Marvel's Cheaper-To-Film Heroes

• 2 Hours of Simon Cowell Frowning At Jugglers Auditioning

• Cardi B Yelling At Some Ferrets

• SHIN!

• Fluffing Pillows With Marshmello

More Fake Taglines For a Crappy Movie That Would Rather Be Lost To Obscurity

Still More Puddles of New York City, Identified by Pantone Number

Now that it's autumn, the leaves are turning, and so are the shades of unidentified liquid in puddles all over New York City. Here are the latest, hottest, wettest shades of urban blight to use at your next nail appointment!

Go fuck yourself!