This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

See what happens when you compliment DDG on his "cute outfit"?

She looks bored but good. Keep as is.

There's baked, and then there's papier-mâché baked.

Leave that mask on, Don. Maybe it'll give your eyelids a chance to catch up to the tan on the rest of your face.

BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!!

The album cover for "I Feel Like Dirt". Gee, I wonder what their second thought idea was.

Ain't no shame in a pizza delivery job. Spider-Man did it.

Iggy Azalea would like you to think she's some kind of Disney Princess. Which is sort of accurate when it comes to cultural appropriation.

Crime, conspicuous consumption and pride. But do rappers really want to associate themselves with the president's resort?

Some Movie Ideas Based On The Hardware Section of Walgreen's

Now having mined every comic book, board game, and shitty young adult novel for feature film ideas, major Hollywood studios have no alternative than to turn to the hardware section of Walgreen's rather than come up with some original script ideas. 

Here now are four major, major releases given the green light to shoot in Leavenworth Studios in England, all for 20th Century Fox who have paid a premium for exclusive rights:

"Wipe New" starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Channing Tatum

In the year 2098, your memories don't matter- they get "wiped" and replaced by newer, better ones. Two memory technicians discover how to alter the machines to give themselves pretty terrible childhood memories of going to the beach in Virginia. WIPE NEW.

"Tub Stopper" starring Lou Taylor Pucci, Quvenzhané Wallis and Gemma Arterton

From the makers of "Chumscrubber" and "Thumbsucker," "Tub Stopper" follows the travails of a college dropout who tries to find meaning in his pottery painting class. Garry Shandling plays the reluctant instructor!

"Over The Door Hooks" starring Jamie Bell, Chris Evans and Blake Lively

Three attractive CIA operatives wage war against a Red Roof Inn manager who they believe to be an Al Qaeda operative. Rosie Perez makes an appearance as herself.

"100 Watt Inverter" starring Tommy Lee Jones, Cedric the Entertainer and Emma Stone

Directed by Wes Anderson. Different actors put on different funny hats and deliver stilted but charming dialogue. Everything is shot symmetrically. Soundtrack by Mark Mothersbaugh zzzzzzzzzzzz

Happy Labor Day Weekend From EADJ

Childbirth is an exciting, exhilarating new stage in your life. Your body will go through a harrowing but ultimately rewarding transformation from woman to child bearer. This transformation is known as labor.

Your contractions- as they get closer together- will herald your new life, both literally and figuratively. Stay attuned to your body's signals as you enjoy the natural drum roll that is labor. Feel the way your body seizes up and your pulse quickens as your uterine muscles begin pushing that placental miracle towards your vaginal opening. Also, pay special attention to the acute new feelings of elastic agony that your labia majora and labia minora encounter as they're stretched to the limit. Burn a candle.

Wait, this weekend isn't about that? Oh, right.

***UPDATE*** I already made this lame joke five years ago! I'm finished creatively!

The ProofrEADJer: Jersey Shore Edition

The Jersey Shore: a veritable wonderland of glaring typos.

An Open Letter To Pierce The Veil

Dear Pierce The Veil,

Wassup guys. How's it going. Oh, I'm good- thanks for asking. Hey, listen. I got the Rockabilia.com catalog in the mail the other day, with youse guys on the cover. Vic, Mike, Jaime and Tony, you guys all look great. Glad to see that everyone is doing well.

So I looked on the other side of the cover, and I was honestly astounded at how many different logos and type treatments for your band there are out there. I couldn't even spot two of the same design anywhere on the page! 

Look, guys. Wikipedia says you formed back in 2006. Eight years is long enough time to settle on a logo. ONE LOGO. The Beatles, AC/DC, Zeppelin, Nirvana. All of them had the occasional offshoot, but they stuck with a "flagship" logo that worked and built serious equity. You guys need to stop fucking around and land on something here. Seriously. I am not tattooing all 13 of these brainstormed ideas on my back. Get back to me ASAP.

Not really a fan and just doing this for this bit,

David

Racist Appliances Can Survive.