Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Six Lies Told By the Pocono Candle Brochure


1) Their "Man Cave" isn't really a cave. It's just a room filled with action figures, video games, sports paraphernalia, pornography, a mini-fridge filled with import beer and a staggering library of scifi Blu-ray DVDs.

2) The only businesses on this "business route" are prostitution and the illicit sale of wine in jars.

3) "Double scented" means it smells like ass and Macintosh Apple.



4) It turns someone named "Lowest Prices" never said this. "Lowest Prices" would say something like "lowest prices."

5) That QR code actually points you here.

6) The map is wrong. Instead of to New Jersey, Route 80 South will take you into the darkest depths of Mordor, where you'll meet a girl so fair. But Gollum, and the evil one will creep up and slip away with her, her, her…

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EADJ is happy to announce the Six Lies After School Program, a community-based initiative that focuses on teenage athletics and abstinence from sex until you're 40. Dubbed "6LAS," this tubular peer counseling program tells young people it's okay to not stick the thingy in the woo-woo. 6LAS will launch the "OK 2 W8" program in September this year to coincide with Back To School.

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