EADJ Selections From the Sharper Image Catalog

One good thing about the Sharper Image catalog is that it's got some pretty high quality printing on some decent stock semigloss paper. The staples, too. There are three of them holding the whole thing together. Some quality work, really.

Here are some items from said catalog that you can buy for some reason:

(click to enlarge and read)

What Morgan Freeman's Disembodied Heads Were Thinking In All Those Movie Posters

Editor's Note: Feel free to read all of these with Morgan Freeman's voice in mind. Not like you have a choice.

"So she's related to those country music Judds. Why isn't she in the group, too? I wonder if she's acting because she can't sing..."

"These pen-lights that they're shining on our faces is basically the most light I've seen shooting this dang film."

"Can spider's bite through beards? Hope not."

"An action/disaster film starring Christian Slater? The joke's on you, viewing public!"

"Maybe if I can get her to hum a few bars of something, I could tell if she's off pitch or the like."

"This is one fucked up version of 'The Brady Bunch' opening credits."

"Glasses. They don't make me look distinguished. They make me look like I've falling asleep reading Parade Magazine. Come on, now."

Happy Labor Day Weekend From EADJ

Childbirth is an exciting, exhilarating new stage in your life. Your body will go through a harrowing but ultimately rewarding transformation from woman to child bearer. This transformation is known as labor.

Your contractions- as they get closer together- will herald your new life, both literally and figuratively. Stay attuned to your body's signals as you enjoy the natural drum roll that is labor. Feel the way your body seizes up and your pulse quickens as your uterine muscles begin pushing that placental miracle towards your vaginal opening. Also, pay special attention to the acute new feelings of elastic agony that your labia majora and labia minora encounter as they're stretched to the limit. Burn a candle.

Wait, this weekend isn't about that? Oh, right.

***UPDATE*** I already made this lame joke five years ago! I'm finished creatively!