And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Adjust Margins in MS Word

 

To change margins, click on the Margins button, found on the Page Layout tab. Word lists a number of pre-formatted options, but you can also make your own margins by selecting “Custom Margins,” found at the bottom of the Margins list. You can change each of the four margins in the dialog box that appears.

And speaking of margarine, one time I tried eating one of those Big Breakfasts with pancakes from McDonald's while driving the limo. Big mistake. My dry cleaning bill ended up being bigger than the fare I was driving!

Stay safe, kids!

Campus Life, Continued

Last Friday, we dunked on Pocket Gems's mobile game Campus Life because it depicted women on campus doing nothing but partying and shopping and dating without a single book or even paper in sight. But turns out we were making fun of screenshots from the 2013 version of the game, which might be a little unfair. So here now we compare the splash page from days of 2013 yore to that of today's, taken from the Android app page on Amazon:

HOLY SHIT. The difference is breathtaking, really. That pink balloon over by the bookshelves(LOL!) on the right has drifted in 7 years over to above the computer. It's hard to tell if it's even the same app anymore!

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of April 25, 2017

I scream, you scream, we all scream for Twitter's servers to crash permanently! Here are the latest godawful hashtags you can use in your godawful Twitter feed, ya dense goon:

#grist

#slothjerky

#Cheetochopsticks

#poppingzitsattheMet

#icanfitCheeriosonmydick

#promposingatanSTDclinic

#WolfBlitzersballsarentfurry

#browsingKalPennsIMDbpage

#bodyshamingStephenHawking

#alotofthesethingsareblatantlysexual

Success Is Not A Destination, But The Pathmark You're On

Pathmark and The Myth of Sisyphus

In Greek mythology Sisyphus was the king of Ephyra. He was punished for his self-aggrandizing craftiness and deceitfulness by being forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, repeating this action for eternity. Kind of like the job of stockboy at any Pathmark store.

This Week's Least Utilized Twitter Hashtags

Twitter sucks donkey dicks, but these taglines make Twitter suck even more donkey dicks. So go ahead and use these hashtags in the Twittersphere as you wallow in the digital cesspool of unsolicited misspelled rantings. 

#GoMets

#rapecakes

#brisdo-over

#turdtrickshot

#Jeb2020

#peeholetattoos

#joebidenmasseuse

#gangnamstyle2015

#mothertheresa'snipples

#foldingsweatersy'all

#jiffylubegrindrfantasy

#NewtGingrichassplay

#samsonitefullofpus

#bingewatchingtheentire2andaHalfMenseries

#isittoolatetoswitchtoTeamEdwardatthispoint?

We're On A Road To Pathmark...

Duck, Duck, Duck, Pathmark.

The ProofrEADJer, August Edition, Part II

Pu Pu Platter Wants To Hang Out

Hey, wassup guys. How's it going. Just a short note to let you all know that I'm free to hang out anytime.

My schedule's been busy the last few weeks (craziness!) but more recently, I've had a little more time to hang back and just chill out. So if any of you guys would like to just hang out and shoot the shit sometime, that would be great.

Seriously. If I slighted any of you guys before by being too busy, I totally didn't mean to; you know I always want to hang out, just sometimes the ol' sked gets a little bit filled.

And you all know me– egg rolls, bacon-wrapped pineapple, chicken wings, beef teriyaki. Friggin' crab RANGOON on skewers, you know? I got a lot going on. You understand, right? Cool.

So if any of you guys have a free minute, I'm totally down with whatever. Get some Q-time with "3P," knowhutI'msayin? Ha ha. Just hang out, play some catch-up, whatever.

Also, the fact that I've got multiple dipping sauces- soy sauce, duck sauce, hoisin sauce, you know the drill- plus I've got that little sterno flame going, so that might help explain why I've been so swamped. But still no excuse, I know, for not having touched base with you guys sooner. I'm just trying to get you guys to see my side of the whole thing.

No? That's cool. I know you guys get busy, too. So it's tough sometimes syncing up our schedules to match up perfect so that we all hang out. So, just letting you know that I'm free, so whenever some time opens up for you guys, I'll be around.

You can text me, too, now. My new phone accepts texts.