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Yes, More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Welcome to Hollywood! So you're not a very good actor but you have a great body and zero shame? Then, why not sign up to be a pornographic actor, Mr. or Ms.? You can make up to $200 a scene banging or getting banged by other people in the industry. But here's the catch: all the good porn names, so you'll have to make do with the only ones available below. Good luck!

HER:

Cambridge Analytica

Bi Felicia

Alabama Womensrights

Margo Paolo

Spinster Unfucable

Doula Oblongata

HIM:

Juan Tanamera

Username

Vape Millennial

Lou Selfesteem

Steele Yuridentity

Pu Pimoji

The ProofrEADJer: End of January Edition

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

EADJ Fashion Round-Up

One reason Kendra never lets bad weather rain on her parade is this stylish patchwork leather purse from Cavallo & Co. ($299)

Donovan sports the latest jaunty spring chapeau ($59.99), perfect for hiding your eyes as you read subway advertisements about herpes clinics.

Men in full length furs have never not been in style, have they? Craig says 'fuck you' to animal activists with this lush sable and neutra shopping coat ($1699.99).

Even men in long jacket faux furs know what time it is. Q Genteel B shows how this polyester faux fur hoodie ($69.99) can complement baggy sweatpants ($12.99).

Hanging suspenders announces to the world "Hey, I've gained weight!" Bruce sashays through Wall Street with this defiantly fat ensemble ($68.99)

Albert's uni-color shirt-and-pants combo from Men's Wearhouse ($105.99) is ideal for falling asleep and having erotic dreams about Gina Gershon. Give it to 'er, Albert!

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of January 6

The following Twitter hashtags have been determined to be the least influential of the week- not going viral, not creating buzz, and certainly not trending. Feel free to use any of these on your non-influential Twitter feeds!

#bangshortbus

#crackpipecoozy

#carrottopsecondact

#collegetextbookbargains

#crackerasscrackercracker

#ablowjobfromGaryBusey

#FullHousebingewatching

#childprotectiveservicesselfie

#StPaulisthecenteroftheuniverse

#GeorgeClooneywasthebestBatman

#hereismysocialsecuritynumber457-55-5462