The ProofrEADJer: End of January Edition

Sci-Fi I Haven't Watched

Based purely on the screenshots, Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda is about a group of physically fit space travelers who do nothing but give each other the silent treatment.

Some Hollywood Superhero Movies Based On The Names of Glitter Tattoos

Hollywood is creatively bankrupt, and the only game in town anymore are comic book superhero movies. Desperate for any type of inroad to this booming genre, the major studios have bought the rights to convert the names of glitter tattoos being sold at a kids' bouncy castle place in Edison, NJ for 2017/2018 superhero movie releases. Here are the scripts being worked on right now: 

"Dinosaur T-Rex" starring Andy Samberg, Jay Baruchel and Elizabeth Banks. Three amateur paleontologists dumbly inject themselves with dinosaur DNA to become the short armed, violently ravenous Dinosaur T-Rex Crew! Special visual effects by Digital Domain and somebody's iPhone.

"Dancing Dolphins" starring Chloe Sevigny, Sarah Polley and Chloë Grace Moritz. Three friends vacationing in Aruba encounter a fallen meteor which bestows otherworldly DOLPHIN POWERS to the trio! Soundtrack by Paramore and that "Call Me Maybe" chick.

"Bat" starring Denis Leary and Robin Wright Penn. A film noir take on the Batman myth, the worlds' most untrustworthy detective (Leary) takes on the case for a beautiful heiress (Wright Penn) who happens to also be a jewel thief. 

"Dancing Fairy" starring Jim Carrey, Melanie Griffith and that kid from "Stranger Things" with no teeth. A wish from a birthday cake transforms an unexpecting Dad (Carrey) into a dancing fairy who fights crime while making rude gestures with his rear end. Rated R for male nudity and female dialogue.

"Turtle Swirl" starring Shailene Woodley, Jon Voight and Dwayne Johnson. A promising marine biologist is kidnapped by an evil nuclear physicist who transforms her into Turtle Swirl, whose powers include going slow, swirling, and having difficulty getting out of a bathtub.

"Twin Seahorse" starring Fergie and Patricia Arquette. Fergie and Patricia Arquette play twins (with special effects help from WETA Studios) who die in a car accident but come back as superpowered seahorses. Expect lots of product placement by Yankee Candle, Clorox 2, and Duraflame!

EADJ Christmas Gift Guide: Purchasing The Right Katy Perry Perfume For Your Dog

Does your dog eat lots of table scraps with meat, causing him to emit long, wet farts that stay in your curtains for weeks? Katy Perry recommends her Killer Queen scent, an empowering and regal fragrance that hides dog farts with nobility and imperial magnificence!

Katy Perry Royal Revolution literally overthrows her previous release Killer Queen off the throne, forcing the queen to bow and beheads her in front of a bloodthirsty crowd of peasants. It's also a great scent for covering up the ammonia stains your Welsh Corgis will leave all over the velvet pillows when they watch their momma get guillotined.

Did your dachshund vomit all those Fig Newtons after you left the package open on the couch? Fear not, idiot. Katy Perry's Mad Potion will cleverly make that puke stain smell like dark magic- with a hint of musk and something we call "Katy taint," your couch will smell (but not look) like new!