Yikes

Spotted on FB, what I thought was a demonic claw turns out to be a fluffy carpet. Whew!

Yes, More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Welcome to Hollywood! So you're not a very good actor but you have a great body and zero shame? Then, why not sign up to be a pornographic actor, Mr. or Ms.? You can make up to $200 a scene banging or getting banged by other people in the industry. But here's the catch: all the good porn names, so you'll have to make do with the only ones available below. Good luck!

HER:

Cambridge Analytica

Bi Felicia

Alabama Womensrights

Margo Paolo

Spinster Unfucable

Doula Oblongata

HIM:

Juan Tanamera

Username

Vape Millennial

Lou Selfesteem

Steele Yuridentity

Pu Pimoji

Marvel's Racist Appliances

The ProofrEADJer, End-Of-April Edition

A still from the very excellent web series "High Maintenance:"

And, from ahem... an adult website...

Old Man Rant Of The Day

This was spotted in one of those non-newspapers "am New York," a publication that apparently finds it necessary to print people's tweets. On paper.

Now, I know all about Twitter and tweets and hashtags and shit, so don't think I'm some septuagenarian who just logged on with an America Online 6.0 CD. But what the fuck is this? Is that even a complete sentence? (Answer: no). This encapsulates everything I hate about Twitter: The inarticulate "ugh." The sentence that begins with "when," apparently adopting a format that other Twitter users have used to conserve precious characters, when in fact @jessakeller could have saved even more characters by writing correctly: "It's so much colder than I anticipated."

Was that so hard, Jessa? Moron.

Then I hate the fact that Twitter users (tweeters?) throw hashtags at the end to complete the message: that she was unprepared; that she regretted not checking the weather; that she was currently taking the bus; and that she hopes her collection of words makes it into the local rag.

Let's be honest here. Hashtags aren't efficient- they're fucking LAZY. It's a cheap way for someone to clarify what they're talking about without having to craft their sentences into something readable. What they're doing is throwing parts of a sentence at you and making YOU do all the work. Which is a big hint that what they're saying wasn't important enough for them to take the time to write properly. "When" my ass. #YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!

<\rant> Amen.