The ProofrEADJer: Total End of July Edition

Misuse of a contraction. 10 yard penalty. Possession, Steelers.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Oh look. Gorillaz are back!

Jesus. Who around here hasn't contaminated the crime scene?

"Excuse me, when you're finished soaking your nasty toes, can I wash my goddamn hands?"

I'm not sure if this is an old mixtape (see the rappers' names) or if this is a purposeful throwback with old mixtape design. Any guesses?

One of the fun things about big compilations like this is that you get to see how thrilled everyone is to be there.

A scarecrow for when you want to scare off fans of non-preachy rap.

The cashier at Wawa was not impressed.

Oh cool. A pharmaceutical sorority. I had a friend who joined one of those in college. She didn't rap, though.

His ancestors lay down some legendary farts.

R.I.P. Vern Troyer, who appeared in one of the illest rap videos.

UAG

Dear Poster Designer For the 2022 Movie "Medieval" Directed by Petr Jákl

Hey. You're not fooling anybody, mister. The fact that you flopped the image, cropped out more of the legs, and put a mace or whatever in his other hand doesn't detract from the unavoidable fact that this is a direct copy of the 2000 poster for Ridley Scott's "Gladiator". I mean, steal from the best, right? But jeez. Maybe copy yourself after a movie that didn't win 12 Oscars and is considered the 94th greatest film of all time.

Who knows. Maybe this obscure movie from the Czech Republic is actually comparable or better than Gladiator. Do any of you readers want to check it out for us? Please?

"Be Faithful in Small Things Because It Is In Them That Your Pathmark Lies."

An Imagined Conversation

"Jesus, check out this driver. He's a real passholder. Can you believe this passholder? I'm staying in my lane, trying to get into Disney World, and this passholder is trying to cut in front of me. What a fucking passholder! HEY PASSHOLE, I'M IN THIS LINE ALREADY, SO FUCK OFF. Yeah, that's what I thought, you fucking passholder."

UAG

Synopses For Upcoming Episodes of Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City"

"Countdown"

When a blogger threatens to attack a school, it's up to Charlie and his pals to hunt him down and kill him.

"Territory"

Charlie confronts a drug dealer who says he "accidentally" started dealing on his turf. A new mob boss requests a meeting with Charlie's friend Tugboat.

"Keyless Entry"

Charlie's ties to the Russian mob almost disqualify him from receiving a key to Coloforms City from the mayor. Luckily, he pays off the city council and the ceremony goes forward.

"Extra Extra!"

The bodies of several prostitutes end up near the Colorforms factory and the local paper threatens to break the story. Charlie makes it all go away by threatening the journalists' families.

Some More Available But Dumb Pornstar Names

Welcome to the Valley! We’re about to start shooting your first big scene. But before cameras start rolling, you'll need to have a pornstar name– you know, a unique handle that we can tag your videos with. Here's a stripper heel shoebox full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but watch out– a lot of these are pretty stupid:

Him

Luis Goos, Man

Colin Oscopy

R. Kaid 

Philippe Navidad

Yass Queen

Her

Noma Larkey
Grammar Lee
Buenos Diaz

Pupa Moji

Yass Queen

"Never Try To Discourage Thinking, For You Are Sure To Pathmark."

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Well, time to WRAP this whole adventure up!" *lame laughter track*

"Holy shit, are you Ryan Gosling?"

"No, are you Michelle Williams?"

"No."

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! AAHHHHH! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Are you ready to race?"

"No."

"From tha muthafuckin' streets of Dayton Ohio, bitches, we RUN THIS BITCH."

"If you have your hand up in me, who has their hand up in you?"

Uh... is this movie real? Pass.

"Jeez, fans of Olivia Newton John probably never knew how hard she was to work with behind the scenes." 

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-July Edition

UAG

No, Thank YOU!

Pictured below, a Door Dasher captures perfectly the reception he gets from our dog Bear:

An Ad I Found On Facebook

This is a good idea until you fall on your back and starve to death if no one can help you up.

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs About Streaming Services

 People who have cu... ahh... cut cable may still be looking for... huff huff... live TV options. Live *gag* TV streaming *gasp* services are great because they... ahh... they... ouch. Dammit. They give you the ability to watch local and national... agh... news as well as live sports and events... Wait. Ouch ouch ow ow ow ow ow ow... All you need... oh God...  is a streaming device or smart TV. Try these services:

• Direct TV Stream

• Hulu Plus Live TV

• Oh Goddammit My Jaw

• Sling TV

• MOTHERFUCKER THIS HURTS

Whichever service you... gag... end up with, make sure... m... m... make sureyouhavefastenoughbroadband internetsomultiplepeoplecanwatchontheirowndevices... *neck snaps*